You Pay Me Two Hours’ Minimum Wage

, , , , , | Right | May 31, 2019

(I work in a shoe store.)

Customer: “Hi, just these.”

Me: “Cool. Did you find everything okay over there?”

Customer: “I did, but there seems to be a glue mark here. Like, the glue is clearly visible. Can you give me anything off for it?”

Me: “Oh… unfortunately not. It’s against company policy for me to discount a shoe based on a defect. The only thing I can do is see if I can order you one directly from the warehouse.” *checks* “Looks like I can’t actually. Darn. This is the only one close by, too.”

Customer’s Obnoxious Friend: “So, you’re telling me you can’t order it, and you can’t give my friend anything off for this shoe? It’s $29.99. I’m already paying your salary here.”

Me: “Excuse me, but no, I cannot. As you said, it’s $29.99. You can try your luck at [Chain Shoe Store] or something, but there’s nothing I can do unless you specifically have a coupon.”

Customer’s Obnoxious Friend: “Okay. We’re done here; we’re never shopping here again.” *both of them leave the shoes on the counter*

Me: “Technically, you never did…”

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Can’t Per-Suede You To Discount

, , , , , | Right | May 31, 2019

(I work in a shoe store.)

Me: “Hi. Did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Yeah, but there’s a scuff mark on this shoe. Can I get something off for it?”

Me: “Unfortunately—“

Customer: “There are also these smudge marks here and here.”

Me: “Okay. Unfortunately, it’s against company policy for me to change the price on the shoe for something like that. Shoes with this material—“ *suede* “—are going to have a mark like this coming out of the warehouse even, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh… so, you can’t discount it any?”

Me: “Not unless you have a coupon.”

Customer: “Do you have any coupons for me?”

Me: “Uh… no.”

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Stealing Is Not Her Bag

, , , , , , | Friendly | May 1, 2019

(My friend and I are shoe shopping. It’s a weekend so the shop is a bit busy. I sit down to try some on, putting my handbag just underneath my seat. As I am trying on shoes, I am vaguely aware of someone on the bench next to me also trying something on. I finish and get up to gather my things and my handbag is gone. I go into a complete panic, grab my friend, and tell her my bag has been stolen.)

Me: “What do I do? Do I call the police or centre management? I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

(At that very moment, I notice another woman still wandering around the shop, looking at shoes, carrying my bag in one hand and her own in another.)

Me: “Hey! Give me my bag!”

Lady: *looks down* “Oh! Sorry, I thought it was my mine.” *casually hands it back to me and goes back to her blissfully vacant browsing*

(Although enormously relieved, I cannot fathom what just went on there. Did she think she came with two handbags and just happened to have an identical one to mine which she mistook for hers? Did she try to steal mine and think, rather than running off, she should continue shopping? What?)

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Day Of The Tentacle

, , , , | Right | April 22, 2019

(I work in a popular discount shoe store, and I am putting stock away when a customer walks in wearing a white tank-top, a thick gold chain, and a fake fur coat.)

Customer: “Hey. Do you guys sell men’s boots?”

Me: “Yup, they’re in the next aisle over.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Hey, what’s on your necklace?”

Me: “It’s an octopus and a clock face.” *spreads the charms out to show him*

Customer: “Cool! Hey, did you know that when octopuses mate, the male shoves its tentacle p***k into the female’s brain so they literally f*** each other’s brains out?”

Me: “I’ll remember that for trivia night, sir.”

(He then went to go look at boots as if nothing had happened at all.)

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The Meter Is Running Out Of Patience

, , , | Right | April 11, 2019

(A customer comes in and begins talking to one of my less experienced colleagues about a pair of shoes she bought. Knowing I’m the one who would have to do any potential refund or exchange, I go over to find out what’s wrong and help.)

Me: “Hi there. What’s the problem?”

Customer: “I was in last night and bought these shoes, but I need the half size up.”

(The customer doesn’t have her receipt, but looking at the shoes I can see they haven’t been worn, and I know from colleagues that a shoe of that style and size was sold the previous night so I offer to exchange them as a goodwill gesture.)

Me: *after checking the stockroom* “I’m afraid I don’t have a pair in the size you’re after, but I can order them in and return this pair to cover the cost.”

Customer: “Okay, but hurry up; I have a taxi waiting outside and the meter’s running.”

(I think, “Why would you come in a taxi when things like this can take a while, especially if you have no receipt?”)

Me: “No problem. Let me take some details at the till and I’ll get this sorted as fast as I can.”

(I try to take the details I need such as name, a contact number to let her know when they’re in, and a postcode so we have her on the system if she ever wants to order to home in the future.)

Me: “Okay, I’ve got your name. Can I have a contact number, please?”

Customer: “I can’t remember it.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll just use the shop’s number, but you’ll have to wait until Thursday to be sure they’re here before coming as it can take two to four working days and there’s a bank holiday this Monday. Can I have a postcode, please, for our system?”

Customer: “I don’t have one. I’ll come in on Wednesday and they’d better be here.”

(I am starting to get irritated as I am going as fast as I can with her giving me nothing, even using my own postcode in lieu of hers to speed things up. All the while, she continues to tell me to hurry because the taxi’s waiting.)

Customer: “Can I order the whole size up, too, in case the half size doesn’t fit?”

Me: “Of course, but since the exchange will only cover the price of the first pair, you will have to pay the extra for the second.”

Customer: “That’s a disgrace! I shouldn’t have to pay more! I’ll just get the first ones and change them if they don’t fit.”

Me: *through gritted teeth, as I’m really starting to lose patience as she’s making this take ten times longer and she’s still complaining about my speed and the waiting taxi* “Okay, those have been ordered, and I’ve returned these to cover the cost, so you just need to pick them up.”

Customer: “Do I have to pay extra when they get here?!”

Me: “No, as I explained, the cost has been covered by the returned pair.”

Customer: “Good. It takes ages for me to walk here.” *leaves*

(By this point my colleague and her customer have come over to the till and have been watching for the past few minutes.)

Colleague: “You okay? I’m amazed you didn’t snap. Didn’t she say she had gotten a taxi here? Why is she complaining about walking?”

Me: *shrugs while taking deep breaths to calm down*

Customer #2: “You did very well. I would have screamed at her.”

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