Selling Foot In Mouth Disease

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Right | April 1, 2014

Me: “Hello! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’m looking for some shoes for work and I heard you had comfortable ones.”

Me: “We certainly do. May I ask what your profession is?”

Customer: “Oh I don’t have a profession right now. I just need something I can wear to work in retail until I get a real job.”

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Try Walking A Mile In Her Shoes

| MI, USA | Working | March 16, 2014

(Due to some serious back problems, I need to wear arch supports in my shoes. I found out that the shoe inserts don’t fit properly in every type of shoe, so whenever I try on shoes, I put the arch supporters in the new ones before I try them on. An employee approaches as I’m putting my supports back in my own shoes.)

Employee: “Ma’am! What are you doing?!”

Me: “Checking to see if my arch supports fit into these shoes.”

Employee: “You can’t do that!”

Me: “I’ve done it before. Why not this time?”

Employee: “You’re stealing shoe inserts!”

Me: “No, I’m seeing if my shoe inserts fit these shoes.”

Employee: *over walkie-talkie* “I NEED A MANAGER! NOW! WOMEN’S WINTER BOOTS!”

Manager: “What’s the problem?”

Me: “She’s accusing me of stealing shoe inserts! They’re mine! I was testing to see if they fit in these boots.”

Employee: “Do you have proof that you didn’t just steal them?”

Me: “I doubt you even sell this brand!”

Manager: “Let me see them.” *examines them*

Me: “I know for a fact you don’t sell these.”

Employee: “How would you know?”

Me: “They’re prescription shoe inserts! I have severe back problems. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be taking my business elsewhere!”

Manager: “I’m so sorry about this. Please don’t leave. I’m sure we can find you some shoes that work.”

(The manager ended up finding me some new boots and gave them to me 75 percent off. I haven’t gone back since, though.)

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Confessions Of A Shoe Store Owner

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Working | November 1, 2013

(It is the end of the shift, at about 10 pm. I’m calling the owner with the daily numbers.)

Me: “Good evening, Mr. [Name]; I’m calling with the numbers.”

(The owner replies in what can only be described as a ‘come-hither’ porny voice.)

Owner: “Oh! Yes, please. Give it to me.”

Me: “Uh, well…”

(I proceed to read a list of the products sold, using the least porny voice I can muster.)

Owner: “Oh yes. YES! That’s GOOD!”

(I read out more numbers. I can hear the sound of fabric shuffling, and some kind of fleshy pounding.)


Me: “Did you hear what I said, Mr. [Name]?”

Owner: “Oh, [My Name], you’re being so hard on me!”

(I suddenly hear the owner’s wife’s voice in the background.)


(The owner slams down the receiver.)

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Ladders And Tall Guys And Bears, Oh My

| USA | Working | September 27, 2013

(The employee helping me is quite tall.)

Me: “Could you get me these shoes in a size 10 from those shelves up there?”

Employee: “Yeah, no problem. Stand back a bit; I don’t want any boxes to fall on you.”

Me: “Okay…?” *steps back*

(The employee grabs the bottom box in a stack of 8 or 10 and attempts to balance the entire stack while getting them down. They fall with a loud crash. The manager sticks her head into the aisle and sees us picking shoes up.)

Manager: “What just happened?”

Me: “There was a bear.”

Employee: “A big ol’ grizzly.”

Me: “He’s gone now.”

Manager: *sighs* “Just get the ladder next time.”

Employee: *sing song voice* “Somebody’s getting a discount on their shoes!”

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Running A Mile With Another Man’s Shoes

| KY, USA | Right | June 25, 2013

(At the store I manage, we put sensors on expensive shoes. My sales manager comes up to inform me she has heard a customer popping one off of a shoe. I approach the customer.)

Me: “Hello, how are you doing today? Do you need any assistance?”

(I notice a sensor sitting next to him. I pick it up and hold it in my hand while assisting him. He picks up a shoe box, and starts to walk away.)

Customer: “No, I’m good.”

(He proceeds to look around the store while I follow him; I’m still holding the sensor. He puts the box he is carrying on a shelf, and starts to make his way out the door. I pick up the box to find it empty. He is walking down the sidewalk, so I run after him.)

Me: “Sir, give me back those shoes!”

Customer: “I don’t know what you’re talking about; you’re crazy!”

(He proceeds to run across the parking lot, with me in hot pursuit.)

Me: “Help! Help! Criminal! Criminal!”

(I am a small, 5’ young woman, chasing a 6’ man in his 30s. I start to lose steam, and am losing him. Out of nowhere, a security guard runs past me. The customer does not notice the guard, but starts dropping shoes out of his pants one by one. Thinking I am lagging behind, he turns back to pick up the shoes. He notices the security guard, and starts to run again. A car pulls up and tries to hit the shoplifter. He doesn’t hit him, but slows the man enough to allow the security guard to catch up. They proceed to wrestle, and the security guard takes the customer down. In the end, the customer is arrested, and I get all the shoes back!)

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