This Family Business Is A Joke

, | Calgary, AB, Canada | Right | July 2, 2014

(I work at a well known shoe store. We wear tags bearing the name of the store, but not our names. A customer comes in and looks at my tag.)

Customer: “So… your name’s Rockport?”

Me: “Yep, it’s a family name. My dad started the business, and he wants me to learn it from the ground up.”

Customer: “Really? That’s so admirable!”

(I gesture to a few coworkers wearing the same name tag.)

Me: “Yup, all the Rockport kids learn the business this way.”

Customer: “All of you? Wow!”

(I can’t quite believe she hasn’t caught on by this point, so I take pity.)

Me: “What can I help you find…?”

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Going Gaga For Shoes

, | ACT, Australia | Right | July 1, 2014

(A young woman comes bursting into the store, flustered. She runs around all the aisles, frantically, at least three times. I watch her and go to walk over to help her, but she beats me to it and runs straight up to me, panting, sweating, red-faced, and a look of stress in her face.)

Customer: “DO YOU HAVE LADY GAGA’S SHOES?! I NEED THEM!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t even know where you could even buy Lady Gaga’s shoes to start with. We don’t sell them here though…”

Customer: “UGH! Not good. Not good… I ABSOLUTELY NEED LADY GAGA’S SHOES RIGHT NOW!”

(She then bolted out the door, as if she was running from a pack of lions. The other customers and I just stood there for a moment to take in what just happened.)

The Other Shoe Never Dropped

, | Calgary, AB, Canada | Right | June 25, 2014

(I’m at work in a store that exclusively sells shoes. Sometimes when people get unspecific about what they want, I like to joke with them about it.)

Me: “Hi there! Were you searching for anything in particular today?”

Customer: “Shoes.”

Me: *dead-pan* “Sorry, we’re out of those.”

Customer: “WHAT?”

(The customer looks seriously angry and tries to storm out before I chase her down and tell her that we do, in fact, have some shoes left.)

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Selling Foot In Mouth Disease

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Right | April 1, 2014

Me: “Hello! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’m looking for some shoes for work and I heard you had comfortable ones.”

Me: “We certainly do. May I ask what your profession is?”

Customer: “Oh I don’t have a profession right now. I just need something I can wear to work in retail until I get a real job.”

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Try Walking A Mile In Her Shoes

| MI, USA | Working | March 16, 2014

(Due to some serious back problems, I need to wear arch supports in my shoes. I found out that the shoe inserts don’t fit properly in every type of shoe, so whenever I try on shoes, I put the arch supporters in the new ones before I try them on. An employee approaches as I’m putting my supports back in my own shoes.)

Employee: “Ma’am! What are you doing?!”

Me: “Checking to see if my arch supports fit into these shoes.”

Employee: “You can’t do that!”

Me: “I’ve done it before. Why not this time?”

Employee: “You’re stealing shoe inserts!”

Me: “No, I’m seeing if my shoe inserts fit these shoes.”

Employee: *over walkie-talkie* “I NEED A MANAGER! NOW! WOMEN’S WINTER BOOTS!”

Manager: “What’s the problem?”

Me: “She’s accusing me of stealing shoe inserts! They’re mine! I was testing to see if they fit in these boots.”

Employee: “Do you have proof that you didn’t just steal them?”

Me: “I doubt you even sell this brand!”

Manager: “Let me see them.” *examines them*

Me: “I know for a fact you don’t sell these.”

Employee: “How would you know?”

Me: “They’re prescription shoe inserts! I have severe back problems. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be taking my business elsewhere!”

Manager: “I’m so sorry about this. Please don’t leave. I’m sure we can find you some shoes that work.”

(The manager ended up finding me some new boots and gave them to me 75 percent off. I haven’t gone back since, though.)

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