My partner bought a pair of new walking boots but they’re a bit on the small size so I take them — with the receipt — back to the shop to get them swapped for the next size up.

Clerk: “Yes, that’s no problem but there might be some extra to pay.”

I try to remember if they were on sale.

Clerk: “Because you used an armed forces discount on these and the trainers you bought, there’ll be a lower amount of discount on just these.”

I must look blank because she continues to try and explain.

Clerk: “See here, you bought these at £42 and a pair of trainers at £35, so you got a £7.70 armed forces discount. Because you’re only returning the boots, it’ll be less discount so you might have to pay more than £42.”

I realise that trying to explain that 10% is always going to be 10% is probably a waste of my time, oxygen, and patience.

Me: “That’s fine. Just ring it up and see how it comes out.”

The clerk rings up the exchange.

Clerk: “Oh… it came out the same.”

I smiled, took the receipt, and left before my remaining brain cells could commit suicide. The kicker is that I actually have mild dyscalculia and struggle with basic maths, but even I know that 10% is, in fact, always 10%.

My friend and I are out shopping together. We stop in the shoe department of one store as they are having a buy-one-get-one-half-price sale on all shoes.

A male and female customer near us are also browsing shoes.

Female Customer: *To the male customer* “What do you suppose that means?”

She points at the large sale signs everywhere. The male customer frowns and considers for several seconds.

Male Customer: “Well, I think it means if you buy one shoe—”

He holds up one shoe from a pair.

Male Customer: “—you only pay half price for the other.”

He held up the other shoe from the same pair. My friend and I just facepalmed.

Me: “Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “I’m looking for shoes for my child. He’s nine years old.”

Me: “Do you know what size he is?”

Customer: “No. What size should I get?”

Me: “There is no average, since children all grow at different rates. Have you brought your child with you? We could measure his feet.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “So, what size shoes should I get?”

This conversation happens almost every day.

(I need to buy a new pair of shoes for work. I find a pair that looks suitable. There are discount stickers on the shelves above and below the shelf that my size is on, so I make sure that the shoes are the same style before heading to pay.)

Cashier: “That will be [full price], please.”

Me: “I thought these were on sale.”

Cashier: “I’ll call someone to check.”

(Another associate checks and comes back to say the price was right.)

Me: “Wait a minute. The identical shoes in size seven and above size nine are discounted.”

Associate: “Yes, that’s right.”

Me: “But size eight are full price?”

Associate: “Yep.”

(The associate says that as if that’s a completely normal thing. I have never heard of that before.)

Cashier: “So, that will be [price]; how do you want to pay?”

Me: “I don’t. Keep them.”

(The teenage associate rolled her eyes when the shoes were handed to her to take back.)

(We have recently run a voucher promotion giving customers 50% off their next purchase. I am on my lunch break out back when one of the other two employees asks me to come help with a customer.)

Customer: “I’d like to purchase these shoes, but I don’t have my voucher on me.”

Me: “Well, unfortunately, ma’am, we do require the voucher to process the discount. Are you able to come back with your voucher? We can hold the shoes for you.”

(The customer starts becoming more upset and I realise this is why I was asked to help.)

Customer: “Why would I possibly need to bring the voucher with me? This is ridiculous! Is this some kind of trick to get customers to come back to your store and spend money, and then you don’t give them the discount?”

Me: “Not at all, ma’am. I’m sorry for the confusion, but I really do need the voucher. The code needs to go into our computer system, and the voucher sent to our head office. And unfortunately, the whole point of the voucher is that you need to bring it back. We can’t just give out 50% discounts.”

Customer: “I can’t believe this! I want to speak to a manager!”

Me: “Unfortunately, our manager isn’t in today, but I’m the most senior staff member here so I’m happy to try and help you. Or I can get my manager to call you tomorrow when she’s in?”

Customer: “No! Give me her mobile number, then; I want to speak to her!”

Me: *somewhat shocked* “Ma’am, I can’t give out my manager’s personal mobile number, or bother her during her day off. You’re welcome to call our head office if you aren’t happy with what I’m able to offer you.”

Customer: “Then I want your name, and I’m going to file a complaint about you to your head office!”

Me: “If that’s what you’d like to do, then my name is [My First Name], and here’s a card with our head office number.”

Customer: “And what’s your surname?!”

(I have a distinctive surname, so don’t want to give it to this crazy customer!)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not going to give you my surname. I’m the only [My First Name] working at this store, so that will be enough to identify me.”

Customer: “Well, how do I know that’s even your name?! You’re not wearing a badge!”

Me: *sigh* “I don’t have a badge because I only recently started at this store, but the other staff members here will verify that [My First Name] is my real name.”

(The customer raises her voice in triumph, thinking I’ve been caught out.)

Customer: “Ha! You just said you were the most senior staff member, and you’ve only just started working here! This is outrageous! I demand to speak to your manager!”

(By this stage, I’m feeling thoroughly harassed by this customer and her barrage of questions.)

Customer: “Ma’am, I’ve been with [Company] for three years and recently transferred to this store from [Other Location]. I don’t have a badge because we have different uniforms and my new badge hasn’t arrived yet. So, if you like, you can either return with your voucher, my manager can call you tomorrow, or you can call head office with your concerns, and those are our options. What would you like to do?”

Customer: “Well, fine. I’ll just call your head office, then, and expect to hear about it!”

(She then slowly rants her way out of the store, stopping with my colleagues on the way, when I realise she has left her credit card on the counter. I take a deep breath and resist the urge to throw it straight in the bin.)

Me: “Ma’am! You forgot your credit card!”

Customer: “Hrmph!” *storms out*

(The next day, I spoke with my manager who assured me I’d done everything right, and agreed that the customer was crazy and/or very dim to not realise you need to bring a voucher in to claim its discount. I never heard from head office about her complaint!)