Childlike, But Not So Innocent

, , | Right | September 21, 2009

(Note: as our store is a small business, we have a strict no refunds policy.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these shoes.”

Manager: “Okay, any particular reason?”

Customer: “The shoe fits my right foot, but the left shoe is too big.”

Manager: “Did they both fit when you bought them?”

Customer: ‘Well, I didn’t try both of them on. The girl–” *motions to me* “–told me I should, but I didn’t.”

Manager: “Well, since they haven’t been worn, we can give you an exchange or a store credit.”

Customer: “I’d like a refund.”

Manager: ¬We could give you a refund if there was something wrong with the shoes, or if we had made a mistake.”

Customer: “But you did! You didn’t make me try on both shoes.”

Manager: “Ma’am, you said my co-worker encouraged you to. We can’t make you try on both shoes.”

Customer: “I still think I should get a refund. It’s your fault! You would make a child try on both shoes, wouldn’t you?!”

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I Put A Spell On You… And You.. And You…

, , | Right | August 12, 2009

(I’ve just helped a customer find a pair of shoes.)

Customer: “Thanks so much. It’s so great the last pair was in my size!”

Me: “Yeah, that was pretty lucky.”

Customer: *completely serious* “Oh, it wasn’t luck. I put a curse on everyone with the same shoe size as me so they wouldn’t buy these shoes.”


This story is part of our Weird Customers roundup!

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$20k A Year For Beer And Bongs

, , , | Right | August 29, 2008

(A bunch of college-aged frat-looking boys walk into the shoe store while I’m shopping there.)

Dude 1: “Duuuuuude this store smells like something.”

Dude 2: “I know dude, it smells like shoes!”

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They Should Also Slice, Dice And Julienne Fries

, , , , | Right | June 6, 2008

Customer: “I am looking for some heels, in white. They also have to be dressy, like for a wedding…”

Me: “No problem… we have some over here.”

Customer: “But I need to be able to hike in them because it’s outdoors.”

Me: “Uhh, maybe if we looked over here…”

Customer: “It also has be open, kind of like a sandal.”

Me: “We have some nice hiking sandals…”

Customer: “But it has to be waterproof because it rains a lot where we are and I need something to keep the water out.”

Me: “This might be difficult.”

Customer: “Oh! And it has to be super comfortable, with excellent arch support.”

Me: “We’re kind of limited here…”

Customer: “And no backstraps, because I have plantar fasciitis and backstraps will just hurt all day.”

Me: “So you are looking for a white pair of waterproof hiking sandals with no backstrap, but with heels and excellent arch support?”

Customer: “You forgot comfortable.”

Me: “I am sorry, could you repeat that?”

Customer: “I said I needed them to be super comfortable.”

Me: “And you’re serious? Have you ever seen shoes like this anywhere else?”

Customer: “Well, I would think that’s your job.”

Me: “I thought so too, but then again I am not a magician.”

Customer: “That is very offensive! I demand to speak to your manager!”

(Naturally, the manager was called, who promptly proceeded to laugh her out of the store.)

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Yes, I’m 12 Feet Tall, With Horns And A Pitchfork

, | Right | February 5, 2008

(A customer calls in thirty minutes before our store actually opens.)

Customer: “Do you have [style of shoe] in a size 11?”

Me: “Yes ma’am, we do. Would you like me to hold it for you?”

Customer: “No. I want to pay for it over the phone, and then come pick it up on my lunch break.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t do that transaction over the phone.”

Customer: *yelling* “WHY NOT?! I’ll come in for it sometime between noon and two; it’s for my son, I want to be sure I can get this for his birthday.”

Me: “Like I said, I can hold it for you–”

Customer: “I heard you, but you aren’t hearing me! I want to buy it NOW.”

Me: “I can’t do that over the phone, I would have to see your ID along with your card to verify that it’s yours.”

Customer: “Can’t I just tell you my name?”

Me: “No, because anyone could read the name off the card. I have to see a photo ID.”

Customer: “Well, can’t I tell you what I look like then?”

Me: “Are you serious?”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager.”

Me: “I am the manager, ma’am.”

Customer: “You’re a terrible manager then. You are SO rude!”

Me: “Yes, you’re right.” *hangs up*

(I can’t really say I’m all that surprised she never showed up for that shoe…)

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