Barefoot And Barely Conscious

, , , | Right | November 17, 2009

Manager: “[Shoe Store], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Shoes? What kind of store is this? I have a bill here from you.”

Manager: “It’s a shoe store.”

Customer: “A shoe store?”

Manager: “A shoe store.”

Customer: “Shoes?”

Manager: “Yes, a shoe store.”

Customer: “A masseuse? ”

Manager: “No, a shoe store.”

Customer: “What are shoes?”

Manager: “…you wear them on your feet?”

Customer: “Shoes?” *pauses* “Oh, shoes! Oh, right! It says that right on my bill here!” *hangs up*

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Childlike, But Not So Innocent

, , | Right | September 21, 2009

(Note: as our store is a small business, we have a strict no refunds policy.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these shoes.”

Manager: “Okay, any particular reason?”

Customer: “The shoe fits my right foot, but the left shoe is too big.”

Manager: “Did they both fit when you bought them?”

Customer: ‘Well, I didn’t try both of them on. The girl–” *motions to me* “–told me I should, but I didn’t.”

Manager: “Well, since they haven’t been worn, we can give you an exchange or a store credit.”

Customer: “I’d like a refund.”

Manager: ¬We could give you a refund if there was something wrong with the shoes, or if we had made a mistake.”

Customer: “But you did! You didn’t make me try on both shoes.”

Manager: “Ma’am, you said my co-worker encouraged you to. We can’t make you try on both shoes.”

Customer: “I still think I should get a refund. It’s your fault! You would make a child try on both shoes, wouldn’t you?!”

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I Put A Spell On You… And You.. And You…

, | Right | August 12, 2009

(I’ve just helped a customer find a pair of shoes.)

Customer: “Thanks so much. It’s so great the last pair was in my size!”

Me: “Yeah, that was pretty lucky.”

Customer: *completely serious* “Oh, it wasn’t luck. I put a curse on everyone with the same shoe size as me so they wouldn’t buy these shoes.”

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$20k A Year For Beer And Bongs

, | Right | August 29, 2008

(A bunch of college-aged frat-looking boys walk into the shoe store while I’m shopping there.)

Dude 1: “Duuuuuude this store smells like something.”

Dude 2: “I know dude, it smells like shoes!”

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They Should Also Slice, Dice And Julienne Fries

, , , | Right | June 6, 2008

Customer: “I am looking for some heels, in white. They also have to be dressy, like for a wedding…”

Me: “No problem… we have some over here.”

Customer: “But I need to be able to hike in them because it’s outdoors.”

Me: “Uhh, maybe if we looked over here…”

Customer: “It also has be open, kind of like a sandal.”

Me: “We have some nice hiking sandals…”

Customer: “But it has to be waterproof because it rains a lot where we are and I need something to keep the water out.”

Me: “This might be difficult.”

Customer: “Oh! And it has to be super comfortable, with excellent arch support.”

Me: “We’re kind of limited here…”

Customer: “And no backstraps, because I have plantar fasciitis and backstraps will just hurt all day.”

Me: “So you are looking for a white pair of waterproof hiking sandals with no backstrap, but with heels and excellent arch support?”

Customer: “You forgot comfortable.”

Me: “I am sorry, could you repeat that?”

Customer: “I said I needed them to be super comfortable.”

Me: “And you’re serious? Have you ever seen shoes like this anywhere else?”

Customer: “Well, I would think that’s your job.”

Me: “I thought so too, but then again I am not a magician.”

Customer: “That is very offensive! I demand to speak to your manager!”

(Naturally, the manager was called, who promptly proceeded to laugh her out of the store.)

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