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You’re (Human) Being Ridiculous

| BC, Canada | Crazy Requests

(A customer has been trying on around a dozen of the same brand of orthopaedic sandals, finding something wrong with each pair and driving my coworker up the wall. Finally, she picks a style, but wants a new pair.)

Coworker: “Of course, I can check for a different pair for you, but may I ask what’s wrong with this one?”

Customer: “It has clearly been tried on by other people.

Coworker: “Oh, okay! That makes sense. So, you’d like me to find you a brand new pair, if possible?”

Customer: *completely serious* “No. I want you to find me a pair that has never been touched by human hands, including yours.”

(My flabbergasted coworker went into the back to ‘look,’ aka control her giggles, while I tried in vain to explain that the shoes get touched while being made and packaged. The customer kept insisting that machines did all the work now and there was no excuse for someone touching her sandals. She left with nothing.)

Pursing Over The Purse

| England, UK | Extra Stupid

(I work at a very well known shoe store in England. We happen to sell handbags and purses also, which are incredibly popular as gifts during the sale season. We only have two sale purses left.)

Customer: “This purse is exactly what I need, but there’s a huge scratch on it here, see? I want a new one! I’m paying lots of money for this; I deserve to have it in good condition!”

(I take the purse out of their hands. The scratch isn’t that big. If a customer is nice I do my best to find a new one, but he’s been particularly rude and huffing over our prices and the state of this “scratch”. What I actually do is take it to our cleaning supplies out back and moisturise the “scratch” out.)

Me: “Here you are, sir. I managed to find a new one for you!”

Customer: “That’s much better. Why don’t you just have new ones out on display? You shouldn’t sell defective merchandise!”

(He paid quite happily and left. All over a £10 purse. I had a giggle out back after that.)

The Other Shoe Finally Dropped

| England, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

Customer: “I wonder if there’s anything you can do for me. I bought these shoes in the January sale and look!”

(She takes her shoes off her feet and, well, the sole on the bottom has totally split in half. It’s only May now; we wouldn’t expect that to happen in so short a time.)

Colleague: “Ah, that’s pretty terrible. I don’t suppose you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No, I didn’t think I would need to keep it. But I bought them in January.”

Colleague: *looking at the shoe* “Give me a moment; I need to find out what shoe this actually is so that I can process it through the till correctly. [My Name], could you come here a second? I don’t suppose you recognise this shoe?”

Me: “Sorry, it’s not one I’ve seen.” *pointing to a similar shoe* “Kinda looks like that one though.”

Colleague: “Yeah, if it was in the sale it’s probably an older version.” *to customer* “Please excuse me. I need to go out back and look through the old catalogues to find it.”

Customer: “Well, if you can hurry it up? I have to be back teaching at the school in 15 minutes.”

(My colleague goes out back to see if she can find out what on earth this shoe even is, as not even our manager recognises it. The customer is getting impatient, and things go downhill very quickly.)

Colleague: “I’m very sorry; I know it’s awful that this has happened to your shoes, but I’ve got back through the catalogue for the last seven years and I can’t find it at all. What store did you get it from?”

Customer: “I got it from [Store] in the sale. Honestly, how can you not find this out? Your system should know what it is! I just want money off a new pair!”

(One of my other colleagues rings up the store she named and tries to find it there. They have no idea either.)

Customer: “This is terrible service. Just give me money off a new pair!

Colleague: “I’m doing the best I can for you. I can’t just give you money off a new pair without processing the old pair through the till, and there’s no way I can do that without knowing what this shoe is!”

(I have to go out back to help another customer out, as I return it appears she’s got customer service’s number off of us and is yelling at them down the phone. Really, really yelling.)

Customer: *on phone* “THIS IS AWFUL SERVICE. I HAVE ONLY WORN MY SHOES TWICE AND THIS HAS HAPPENED TO THEM. SORT OUT YOUR SYSTEM SO THAT I CAN GET A NEW PAIR. I DON’T EXPECT THIS TO HAPPEN TO [BRAND] SHOES. I ONLY EVER BUY THEM IN SALES BECAUSE YOU’RE SO D*** EXPENSIVE!”

(I feel so sorry for the poor representative on the phone, but it gets passed back and forth between my colleague and the customer, at this point looking constantly at her watch and huffing and puffing. In the end, customer service tell my colleague just to give her the money off her shoes and a reference number for the receipt so that we won’t get in trouble. I didn’t quite catch all of it, but I think the customer needed to take the receipt and do something with it later.)

Customer: “FINALLY.”

Colleague: “We’ve managed to take the money off for you. I’m sorry we couldn’t do more.”

Customer: *pulls new pair on and legs it out of the store yelling* “THIS IS AWFUL SERVICE. THIS IS WHY I NEVER BUY YOUR SHOES FULL PRICE!”

Colleague: “She forgot the receipt…”

(I came back from my lunch break later to find my workmates looking at the old shoes and looking annoyed and confused. Turns out, they’d managed to find out what the shoes were – they were 17 years old! We figured she’d got them at a charity shop and pulled a fast one on us. She never did come back for her receipts.)

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