Cents-lessly Arguing Over The Cost

, , , , , | Right | March 4, 2019

(I run a small pack-and-ship on an island in south Florida. Unbeknownst to me, an owner two years before me kept a copy machine near the entrance. I have three copy machines located behind my desk.)

Customer: *enters store and looks around wildly, and as I’m serving another customer* “Where the h*** is your copy machine?!”

Me: “I have three back here behind me.” *points out copiers*

Customer: “That doesn’t help me!”

Me: “If you’ll give me your papers I’ll gladly make the copies for you.”

Customer: *as I’m making his copies* “What happened to the copy machine you had by the front?”

Me: “I’ve only ever had my three machines back here. I suppose it’s possible the owner before me had one out there.”

Customer: “Well, how does that help me at all?”

(Thirty seconds of silence.)

Customer: “I still can’t believe you don’t have a copy machine in here.”

Me: *out of patience at this point* “What are you talking about? I told you twice now I have three of them back here, and I’m literally copying your document right now.”

(I bring him his two forms.)

Me: “That’s 50 cents.”

Customer: “You know, there’s a print shop on [Local Road] that makes copies for five cents a piece.”

Me: “All right…” *shrugs* “Well, we’re a shipping store and we charge 25 cents a page.”

Customer: *pays me 50 cents* “I’m never coming here again.”

Me: “Don’t get my hopes up.”

(This man has been back three times since to overnight something and curses me out every time I give him the price. He doesn’t take kindly to my advice of shipping his packages earlier. I’m just glad I own and run an independent shop so I don’t have to bend over for that sort of customer.)

The Nightmare Before Halloween

, , , , , , , | | Working | October 31, 2018

(I am dressing as Mrs. Peacock from “Clue” for Halloween, and my costume isn’t complete without a small toy revolver, so I search online and find one at a good price from a seller only about 100 miles from me. Per the seller’s policies, he usually ships items within three business days of order placement, but sometimes needs up to seven days to ship the item. In either case, the package should take only two or three days to arrive, even by basic postal service. On the 19th, I receive an email from the seller with the package tracking code and the following note:)

Seller: “Your package was shipped a few days back. Here is the tracking information. Have a great day!”

(“A few days back” is ambiguous, but it sounds well within his policy and therefore “on time.” However, when I get home that afternoon, the package has not arrived, nor does it arrive the following day. Or the next. OR the next. The whole time, the package tracking shows the same status message:)

Status Message: “Pre-Shipment Info Sent to USPS, USPS Awaiting Item”

(It seems the seller has created the package profile with the post office, but hasn’t yet given the package to a postal worker to begin processing. On Sunday the 23rd, one week after I ordered the item, I contact the seller:)

Me: “Please send out ASAP. I ordered this well enough in advance to accompany a Halloween costume for a party this coming Friday, October 28th. Columbus to Cincy isn’t far; it should take no more than two to three days to arrive, but I’ll get it in time only if you ship it by tomorrow, Monday, October 24th. If you cannot manage to get it in the mail by close of business tomorrow, please let me know by canceling the order and issuing a full refund so that I can seek an alternative that will deliver in a timely fashion.”

Seller: “Hello, your package is indeed in the US mail system and on the way to you. The post office is always a day or more behind scanning updates. Some updates are as late as five days. Thank you for your patience. Have a good day!”

(Yes, he is placing the blame for the package’s delay on the post office! Magically, the very next day, the tracking status changes:)

Status Message: “Accepted at USPS Origin Facility.”

(Two days later, on the 26th, I finally had my costume accessory. However, the seller got his very-well-deserved negative feedback posted to his account about his slow service and blatant lies!)

This Customer Service Is Pure Terrorism!

, , , , | Right | June 27, 2018

(It is a Tuesday, the morning of the terror attack at the Brussels airport and metro system. A customer, who has a next-day air shipping label for a piece of artwork going to Brussels, calls our center. The store owner takes the call.)

Customer: “Will my package still get there tomorrow? Even with the terror attacks that happened? All the bombings?”

Store Owner: “Probably not, seeing as it’s going to the Brussels airport, which is closed right now.”

Customer: “But I have a next-day air label! I need it to get there! My client paid specifically for next-day shipping!”

Store Owner: “I’m sure your client will understand. There is no possible way for this to get there by tomorrow.”

Customer: “You’re not understanding me! This needs to get there tomorrow!

Store Owner:You’re not understanding. You know there was a terrorist attack there just hours ago, and I know that you know that because that’s what you started this conversation with. Their airport is closed. I can’t go open the airport, and with the attacks there this morning, I wouldn’t even if I could!”

Customer: *long pause* “Could it get there by the end of the week? Say… Friday?”

Store Owner:If the airport has reopened by then, we could send it out for you. I can’t — and won’t — promise you that it will get there by Friday right now.”

Customer: “This is the worst experience I’ve ever had. I need you to get this to my client by Friday, and I want my money back for shipping!”

(The store owner wound up giving her the shipping company’s customer service number and told her to call them because he was getting nowhere with her.)

Can’t Get This Customer Squared Away

, , , | Right | May 7, 2018

(I work at a store for a major shipping company. We sell packaging supplies, and have over forty different sized boxes. Corporate only allows us to display a very specific selection of boxes, and we’re only allowed to display up to six at a time. It’s near Christmas time, so we’re quite busy. One of my coworkers calls me up to help someone figure out what size box he wants to buy.)

Customer: “I need to buy a box.”

Me: “Great! Do you know about what size box you’re looking for?”

Customer: “Just get me the same one I bought last time.”

Me: “I’m not the one who helped you the last time you were in, so I’m not sure what size box you bought. I can help you figure out a size, though; what is it that you’re putting in the box?”

Customer: “Uh… Well… We can figure this out. It was a box that was big, but not so big. It was a good size, though, you know? And it was definitely a rectangle, not a square. Maybe you could just show me all of them?”

Me: “We have over forty different box sizes for sale, ranging from six inches by six inches by six inches, all the way up to three feet by three feet by three feet. Here’s a list of all of the sizes, or if you want to look at the display, you can tell me if the box you’re looking for was bigger or smaller than the sixteen cube over there.”

Customer: *pushes the box list away without looking at it* “No, it wasn’t one of those. It wasn’t a square. Hmm… How to do this? Could you just bring up one of each of your boxes and show me? I’ll know it when I see it!”

Me: *looking at the line of customers still waiting to be helped* “Realistically, no. Especially during the Christmas rush, I can’t show you all of our boxes. I’ll grab you a pretty commonly-used size, and you can tell me if you want to go bigger or smaller.”

Customer: *heavy sigh* “Fine, we can do it your way… but I still think I need to see them all so I can compare them. I’ll know it when I see it!”

(I go to the back and grab a box that’s twenty inches by fifteen inches by nine inches, and bring it back up to him.)

Customer: “No, that definitely wasn’t it… You know, it might have been this sixteen by sixteen by sixteen? Or maybe the eighteen by eighteen by eighteen? One of the ones on display.”

Me: “Okay! Did you want to buy the sixteen and the eighteen, or just one of them?”

Customer: “I guess I need both… It was definitely one of them, though! Actually, wait, it wasn’t a square, was it? Now that I’m thinking about it, it might have been close to a square…”

Me: “I’ll be right back up!”

(I go to the back again, and grab a box that’s eighteen inches by fourteen inches by fourteen inches.)

Me: “Was it this one?”

Customer: “YES! I think so.”

Me: “All right, so you’re just getting the eighteen by fourteen by fourteen, right?”

Customer: “Umm… No… I think I need all that I looked at. It was definitely one of these three, though! I’m almost positive it was one of them.”

Label Them Stupid

, , , , | Right | January 8, 2018

(It’s a Saturday, and since Saturdays are usually pretty slow, my boss only has one of us working. It happens to be my Saturday, so I’m the only one working in the store.)

Customer: *on the phone* “Can I ship my [Competing Company] package there?”

Me: “No, we don’t ship for [Competing Company]. If you already have a label, you can call [Competing Company’s phone number] and arrange a pickup with them. If you need a label, you’ll have to call their customer service line.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, great. Well, thanks for that information! You’re very helpful!”

Me: “Oh, thanks! You have a great rest of the day.”

(We hang up. Not even 15 minutes go by before a customer comes into the store. He says hello, and I recognize his voice as the caller from a few minutes ago.)

Me: “What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Yeah, um… I called a bit ago… Maybe about half an hour, now? And I spoke with someone; I don’t think it was you, and they told me I can get a [Competing Company] label here?”

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