| Tampa, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

Caller: “I need your email address so I can send in my order.”

Me: “USA [store number]…”

Caller: “How do you spell that?”

Me: “USA [store number]…”

Caller: “Yes, how do you spell that?”


A Weighty Description

| NY, USA | Bizarre

(I work at a retail store associated with a shipping company. A customer calls to get a shipping estimate on a small table. At this point, he has already given me the value of the table for insurance purposes, as well as the dimensions of it.)

Me: “And do you have an approximate weight of the table?”

Customer: “Not so heavy! I can lift it with one hand, easy.”

Me: “Okay, great! So it’s pretty light, then?”

Customer: “But not so, so light… Imagine that you are on a date with a cute boy. And your bag is full of all of your makeup. And you have a sweater. And your wallet is full of hundred dollar bills. That is the weight.”

(He brought the table in the next day. It was 16 pounds.)


Looking At Life Through Google Goggles

| QC, Canada | Crazy Requests

(I work at a drop-off location for a popular shipping service. People who weren’t home to receive their packages can come to pick it up at our location at a later time. We’re about to close for the night when this customer comes in with his pick-up notice.)

Customer: “I need my package tonight! Please!”

Me: *taking a look at his notice* “Unfortunately, sir, the notice specifies that your package is at our sister location at [Other Side of Town].”

Customer: “But I googled the address! It has to be here!”

Me: “I understand, sir, but unfortunately we’re not located at [sister location at Other Side of Town]. May I suggest next time you phone to confirm an address first when Google’s information seems doubtful?”

Customer: “NO! GOOGLE IS NEVER WRONG! I wanna speak to your manager! This is unacceptable! He has to fix this!”

(We let him rant until he ran out of steam and left.)

Wanted Proof But Got Overproof

| USA | Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Transportation

(I work at a chain shipping store. One of my coworkers is helping an older woman who wants to ship a package to a friend. She has a box that is inside a plastic bag.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, is there anything breakable in your package?”

Older Woman: “Yes. It probably needs to be bubble wrapped but you can just bubble wrap the box.”

Coworker: “Okay, that’s not a problem! Can I just take the box out of the bag to make sure the item isn’t moving around inside the box?”

Older Woman: “Sure, that’s not a problem.”

(My coworker takes the box out of the bag and notices that the box says that it contains a bottle of Crown Royal. In our state you cannot ship hard liquor without a number of serious licenses.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, what’s inside this box?”

Older Woman: “Shampoo.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, are you sure?”

Older Woman: “Yes, it’s just shampoo.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, do you mind if I check to make sure its just shampoo?”

Older Woman: “Sure, that’s not a problem.”

(My coworker opens the box and pulls out a full bottle of Crown Royal.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, this is a bottle of Crown Royal. You can’t ship this. It’s against the law.”

Older Woman: “No. It’s shampoo!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, this ‘shampoo’ is 80 proof.”

(The older woman grabs the Crown Royal from my coworker and quickly exits the store.)

Coworker: *to me* “I want that kind of shampoo!”

Speaking In Double-Dutch

| Dublin, Ireland | Language & Words

(I work for large shipping company and we deal with our own specific customers, mostly over email. Customers do call us when it’s urgent or something has gone wrong. This is a customer I have only ever emailed.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “…So where are you from? Dutch? You don’t sound Dutch.”

Me: “Yes, originally. But I’ve lived in Canada for a long time, England, and Ireland for the past three years. My accent is a bit of mix.”

Customer: “Well, it’s very disconcerting. I can’t bloody tell where you’re from. Just email me from now on.” *click*

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