Wanted Proof But Got Overproof

| USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Transportation

(I work at a chain shipping store. One of my coworkers is helping an older woman who wants to ship a package to a friend. She has a box that is inside a plastic bag.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, is there anything breakable in your package?”

Older Woman: “Yes. It probably needs to be bubble wrapped but you can just bubble wrap the box.”

Coworker: “Okay, that’s not a problem! Can I just take the box out of the bag to make sure the item isn’t moving around inside the box?”

Older Woman: “Sure, that’s not a problem.”

(My coworker takes the box out of the bag and notices that the box says that it contains a bottle of Crown Royal. In our state you cannot ship hard liquor without a number of serious licenses.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, what’s inside this box?”

Older Woman: “Shampoo.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, are you sure?”

Older Woman: “Yes, it’s just shampoo.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, do you mind if I check to make sure its just shampoo?”

Older Woman: “Sure, that’s not a problem.”

(My coworker opens the box and pulls out a full bottle of Crown Royal.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, this is a bottle of Crown Royal. You can’t ship this. It’s against the law.”

Older Woman: “No. It’s shampoo!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, this ‘shampoo’ is 80 proof.”

(The older woman grabs the Crown Royal from my coworker and quickly exits the store.)

Coworker: *to me* “I want that kind of shampoo!”

Speaking In Double-Dutch

| Dublin, Ireland | Language & Words

(I work for large shipping company and we deal with our own specific customers, mostly over email. Customers do call us when it’s urgent or something has gone wrong. This is a customer I have only ever emailed.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “…So where are you from? Dutch? You don’t sound Dutch.”

Me: “Yes, originally. But I’ve lived in Canada for a long time, England, and Ireland for the past three years. My accent is a bit of mix.”

Customer: “Well, it’s very disconcerting. I can’t bloody tell where you’re from. Just email me from now on.” *click*

Trying To Explain It In Black And White

, | OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer walks in with a black & white document.)

Me: “Do you need some copies made today?”

Customer: “Yes, please. I need 20 of these, black & white.”

(I make her copies and walk back to the counter.)

Customer: “Can you make 10 in color, too, please?”

Me: “Sure, you just need them on the brighter, heavier paper that we use in the color machine?”

Customer: *stares at me like I have two heads* “NO, so that they’re in COLOR.”

Me: “You mean you want it to look like it did on the computer screen before you printed these in black?”

Customer: *frustrated* “YES!”

Me: “No color machine in the world is capable of restoring color from a black and white copy.”

Customer: “Whatever.”

(Thank goodness the customer behind her was laughing at her because I was certainly about to!)

Never EVER Burst His Bubble

, | CT, USA | Bizarre

(I used to work in one of the retail stores for a major shipping company. We sold all sorts of shipping materials, but the one that most caught customers’ eyes was the 250′ roll of bubble wrap. One day this older man who seemed like he might have been high walked into the store, stared at the two rolls of bubble wrap stacked on top of one another, and then looked creepily over at my coworker and me.)

Customer: “I’ve always wondered how much bubble wrap it would take to ship a corpse.”

Me: “Well, I would guess that depends on the size of the corpse.” *nervous laughter*

Customer: *creepy smile* “I’ll let you know.”

(He left and my coworker and I were left wondering whether or not we should call the cops.)

A Sad Sign Of The Times

| Houston, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Politics, Transportation

(I walk into the local shipping store to drop off a package. There is a senior couple in front of me. I overheard the last part of the conversation between the wife and the employee.)

Wife: “So, you’re telling me that this store doesn’t have that promotion?”

Employee: “No, I’m sorry. We’re privately owned, so we’re not carrying out the promotion.”

Wife: “Well, you should have signs here telling me that!”

Employee: “Yeah, I’m sorry…”

Wife: *walks towards the exit while her husband slowly follows her behind him* “This is the seventh store I’ve been to that doesn’t have the promotion. Liars. They’re all LIARS! Just like OBAMA! He’s a LIAR! OBAMA! LIAR!”

Husband: *looks at me and shrugs, embarrassed*

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