Changing The World For The Better

, , , | Right | March 20, 2018

(We have self-scans, which can be a pain in the butt sometimes, but they are generally helpful in keeping customers happy while we put out the morning deliveries. However, sometimes these self-scans frustrate people. I’m working on the reductions — reducing items that go out of date today — and walking up and down the aisles. I hear a commotion as a man is leaving the store.)

Customer: “You f****** robbing b****es!”

(I am very, very confused and run round to my colleague who is serving on the tills. This colleague is a very petite, older lady. She is serving someone else and quietly laughing to herself when I arrive.)

Me: *when the customer leaves* “What just happened?!”

Colleague: “Oh, this guy and his girlfriend came in. They used the self-scan, as young people seem to like to do. It gave him his change, which was five pence, but it gave it to him in the form of two two-pences and one one-pence. So, we had a mini argument…”

(Our store has a policy that we cannot change money of any form, so someone cannot come in with a five-pound note and ask for five one-pound coins. This is how the conversation went.)

Customer: “I wanted a five-pence coin. Change it.”

Colleague: “I just closed the till and cannot access it again without a sale now.”

Customer: “You just shut that on purpose, you b****! Just change it for me!”

Colleague: “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Customer: *throws the money he got at my colleague* “You’re lying to me! You f****** closed that on purpose! You f****** b****!”

Colleague: “Now, you look here! Don’t you swear at me like that! Get out, now! I’m sure charity will appreciate the five pence you threw at me more than you do!” *proceeds to put the money in a charity box*

(The customer stormed out, swearing and ranting about how we were robbing him.)

Two Too Much

, , , , , , | Working | February 25, 2018

(I am walking to my university library and decide to buy a bottle of soda in the corner shop on the way down.They often have “2 bottles for £2 deals”. The deal is on, but they also have bigger bottles of a competitor’s drink for £1 each, and I figure it is a better deal to buy two large ones for the same price, without the deal. At the counter:)

Me: “Just these, please.” *hands him the soda and £2*

Cashier: *a teenage boy* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but those drinks aren’t in the 2-for-£2 deal. They’re full price.”

Me: “I know. But they’re only a £1 each, right?”

Cashier: “Yes, that’s correct.”

Me: “So…”

Cashier: “So, you need to pay the correct amount.”

Me: “But they’re £1 each, and I’m buying two of them. I gave you £2, right?”

Cashier: “Yes, but they’re not on the 2-for-£2 offer. You’ll need to swap them for ones that are if you want to pay £2.”

(At this point, I’m getting frustrated as I can’t seem to get the point cross that two £1 drinks cost £2, so I ask for a manager to authorise the transaction, as this kid is clearly in a different world at the moment.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, [Cashier]?”

(After explaining the situation, the manager looked obviously embarrassed at his employee, and immediately let me purchase my drinks and leave. As I left, I could hear the cashier going, “…but they weren’t on the 2-for-£2 offer, though!”)

A Van With A Plan

, , , , , | Working | January 4, 2018

Many years ago, shortly after finishing university I worked for a local factory as a van driver and cleaner, a stop-gap until I found a job in my line of graduation. The pay was dreadful and the company was very much behind the times.

I was driving back to the factory after doing a delivery and en-route noticed one of my house-share friends walking home along the road. I stopped to give him a lift since it was on the way.

Two minutes later, I looked in the rearview mirror and recognised the expensive 4×4 behind me as belonging to one of our senior managers. Now, the van I was driving had the company logo all over it. I was also aware that I shouldn’t be carrying any non-company employees and could lose my job.

I took the next turn onto a different road, hoping he wasn’t going to follow, but he did. We were now heading in a different direction to the factory, so I probably started to look a little suspicious. I devised a little plan in my head and shared it with my housemate: knowing a road coming up was a long road with a bend in the middle, I slowed right down and took the turn, then I sped up very quickly to get round the bend and slammed the brakes on, telling my housemate to jump out as fast as he can. He jumped out and I dashed off again just as the senior manager came driving round the bend.

I then headed up to a local garage the company had an account with for fuel and turned in, making it look like this was where I’d been heading all along. Thankfully the senior manager carried on driving past whilst taking a close look at me.

I was very glad he drove past as I couldn’t have filled the van up; I’d done that only ten minutes before picking my housemate up in the first place, and the van was already full of fuel!

That was the last time I “taxied” on company time! My housemate ended up having to walk for an extra half-hour because of my detour, although we had a good laugh about it afterwards and the manager never mentioned it.

It Wouldn’t Cost You Your Soul To Be More Romantic

, , , , , , | Romantic | November 28, 2017

(My girlfriend and I are on a romantic walk, and we stop to sit near a pleasant stream and make deep and meaningful conversation. She is saying how she feels about me and she wants to know how I feel in return.)

Girlfriend: “I believe in soulmates. I don’t think there is anyone else who could make me feel like you do. We get on so well together, and I really can’t imagine being with anyone else. I’m so glad we met. Do you think we are soulmates? What would have happened if we’d never met?”

(I am the most unromantic, but honest, idiot.)

Me: “Well, I think I probably would have got with someone else if I hadn’t met you. There’s so many girls in the world; I’m sure I would have found someone else to get on really well with. I don’t think there is such a thing as a soulmate. I just believe we meet people, and if we fancy them, we get on, and eventually we adapt our personalities to get on with each other and on it goes.”

(Eighteen years of marriage later, I suspect she may have been more right about this than I was!)

Don’t Let The Doors Hit You On Your Way Out

, , , , | Right | September 7, 2017

(A customer comes to the counter.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you know who wrote Light My Fire?”

Me: “Yeah, The Doors.”

Customer: “HA! Everyone thinks that, but The Doors covered it. I need to know who did it originally.”

Me: “Um, I’m pretty sure it was The Doors.”

(He’s so sure I doubt myself, so I go and get “The Best of The Doors” from the rack and check the writing credits.)

Me: “Um, yeah, there we go, that’s The Doors on the writing credit.”

(It turned out with some quizzing he thought the comedy version by British Novelty act Mike Flowers Pops, released in 1996, was the original.)

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