He’s A Complete Package

, , , | Friendly | June 6, 2017

(I’ve just joined a sewing class for the new sewing machine I had just bought. Most of the ladies in the class are double my age, in their 60s and 70s. This is my first day.)

Classmate: *putting a bag on the table* “I’ve finished him.”

Teacher: “Finished who?”

Classmate: “The new man in my life.” *pulls a sculpted fabric doll of an old man out of her bag*

(Everyone is “oohing and aahing” over him.)

Classmate #2: *holding the doll* “Is this the pattern you were telling me about? The one with… um…”

Classmate: “Yes, it is. He is complete; take a look”

Classmate #2: *pulls his trousers down* “Look, everyone, she included the family jewels, too.”

Classmate #3: “Oh, my God! He’s even got pubes!”

(I sit in amusement as these older ladies, howling with laughter, pass the doll around so they can take a look.)

Teacher: “Such a pleasant way to welcome [My Name] to the group.”

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Dressing Up The Baby Problem

| Learning | December 9, 2015

(I have just made a Christening dress that needs to be marked by my teacher. I am given a baby doll to put the dress on to. The doll is hard plastic with limbs that are quite stiff. I am having difficulty getting it into the dress. I don’t want to tear the flimsy dress in the process.)

Fellow Classmate: “How are you going to be when you have a baby, seeing as you can’t even dress a doll?”

Me: “Well, the last time I checked, babies were soft, flexible, and actually had arms that bend!”

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Barbed Barbie Comments

| Friendly | February 18, 2014

(I am about seven years old and not a very social child. I have passed all of my tasks except for a ‘sewing meet’ that all of the girls are required to attend. The project is Barbie clothes.)

Me: *picks up blue cloth to sew a skirt*

Girl: “Ew! Why would you pick such a boyish color? Your Barbie is going to look so ugly in that! Girls should wear pink or purple! Blue is for boys!”

Me: *looks at the pink mini-skirt the girl is sewing* “Better my Barbie looks like a boy than a slut like yours.”

(My mother couldn’t stop laughing. Needless to say that while I passed, I wasn’t invited back to the sewing meet.)

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