I’m at the supermarket self-checkout, paying for my food. There’s some sort of commotion. I don’t mean to overhear, but it’s so loud I can’t not hear. A customer is laying into the self-checkout assistant for ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING, and none of it makes any sense. 

There’s a problem about the assistant not doing her scanning for her (hey, this is a SELF-checkout), and when assistant does, she’s standing too close and probably doing that to steal her information (how is she meant to scan your groceries if she’s two metres from the machine; she’s only standing as close as she needs to reach the groceries), etc., etc. 

All of it is at truly ear-splitting volume. I don’t mean loud, I mean I didn’t know a human who’s not an opera singer can be that loud.

Me: *Finally, to the customer.* “Oh, do shut up, she’s doing nothing wrong!”

Customer: “IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!”

Me: “I wish it wasn’t, but you’re making my ears hurt, and I’m all the way on the other side. It’s you making it everyone’s business.”

I went to finish my groceries, as she really was hurting my ears. As the customer leaves, I say to the self-checkout assistant:

Me: “Are you okay? Do you want me to tell your manager? You did nothing wrong? Does this sort of lunacy happen often?”

Self Checkout Assistant: *Dejectedly.* “It didn’t use to.” *Finns are not a loud people.* “But since I converted and started wearing the scarf, all the time.”

I just now notice she’s wearing a headscarf, not very different from one I might myself wear if it were a hot summer day, although, granted, not inside a store, but nothing one’d notice when just getting one’s groceries.

So not just dealing with a bigot, but an incredibly loud one.

I was the opening supervisor in a grocery store with only one cashier until about forty-five mins after opening. To preface: I am NOT a morning person and am usually grumpy AF in the mornings, but I can fake it real good when I choose/need to.

That being said, I was working the self-checkout until the scheduled attendant was supposed to start. It’s a slow and peaceful start to the day until this lady comes to start cashing her stuff out.

She’s talking on the phone and taking her time (which is not a problem whatsoever) while I just stand there observing, because what else am I supposed to do if she doesn’t need help and she’s the only customer there?

Well, when she eventually does ask for help putting in her produce, I walk over and start to show and explain to her what to do, while I do her first item for her. After that goes in, I stand off to the side so she can do the next one on her own, but I’m right there in case she needs help again.

This entire time, she’s still yapping away on the phone, barely listening to a thing I’m saying.

She goes to try it herself and forgets which button to press to find the code, so I tell her again which button to press, but I’m making sure she’s the one doing it this time.

After about a minute of this, she gets fed up and says:

Customer: “Ugh, can you just do it for me? This is so much work!”

Me: *Politely.* “Well, it is called SELF checkout, and I’m trying to teach you what to do so you also know for next time, but if you want someone to do it for you, then you can head on over to the cashier right there. She has no customers and would be happy to serve you.”

She did not like that answer one bit, and she tried arguing with me. I got fed up and straight-up told her:

Me: “If you weren’t on the phone while I was trying to show you, then you would know what to do. I will not be doing it for you, as that’s literally what the cashiers are there for. Your options are to either let me show you again, and you do the rest yourself, or go to the cashier.”

She finally decides to go to the cashier, but not before cussing me out on her way over, to which I just gave her the fakest:

Me: “Okay! Have a nice day!”

This p***ed her off even more, and left me feeling a mix of annoyance and joy.

Related:
Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself, Part 15
Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself, Part 14
Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself, Part 13
Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself, Part 12
Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself, Part 11

This story reminded me of a name tag mishap of my own. When I was in college, I worked in a grocery store, usually at self-checkouts. To log into a self-checkout machine, we had to scan a barcode on the back of our name tag and punch in a short passcode.

One morning, I realized that I had accidentally left my name tag at home, so my manager gave me hers to use for the day. Her name was very normal for a woman her age, but very weird for someone my age; let’s say it was Barbara. I honestly wasn’t expecting anyone to notice; I’ve swapped name tags with a male coworker before, and no comments were made about it.

A few hours later, I helped a male customer who saw “Barbara” on my name tag.

Customer: “Your name is Barbara? You don’t see that name much anymore. That was my sister’s name, you know. She died about five years ago now. Seeing someone with her name, it almost feels like she’s still here.”

I remained rooted to the spot and made appropriate sympathetic noises as this guy extolled the virtues of his dead sister, which he clearly needed if he was trauma-dumping on a random worker, but I also felt bad about inadvertently reminding this guy of something so painful when Barbara WASN’T EVEN MY NAME.

Customer: “If you don’t mind me asking, why did your parents decide to name you Barbara?”

Me: *Panicking.* “Um… They didn’t. My name is actually [Completely Different Name]. I’m borrowing my manager’s name tag today. Her name is Barbara. She’s at the service desk if you’d like to see her. And I’m very sorry about your sister.”

This poor man looked absolutely CRUSHED, mumbled an apology, and quickly paid and left. And I started triple-checking that I had my name tag before going to work to avoid that EVER happening again.

Related:
Failed The Name Game, Part 12
Failed The Name Game, Part 11
Failed The Name Game, Part 10
Failed The Name Game, Part 9
Failed The Name Game, Part 8

I live in the only real “city” in a pretty rural area, so our big shopping mall tends to attract families who come in from nearby villages for their big stock-up trips a couple of times a year. This was back when self-checkouts were still a novelty, but our mall’s grocery store already had a few. 

I’m using one when the machine next to me frees up. A trio swoops in: a grandmother, a mother, and a little girl who’s maybe four, all clearly on an Exciting Family Shopping Adventure. Their cart is packed.

They poke at the touchscreen for a bit until they get the hang of it, and then Grandma starts scanning. After every single item, Grandma leans in and makes the most enthusiastic little “Beep!” sound.

After a minute, Mum suddenly asks:

Mum: “Mum, can I do the beep, too? I’ve always wanted to do that since I was a kid!”

Grandma bursts out laughing and says:

Grandma: “Of course! It’s fun, isn’t it? I always wanted to do it, too!”

So now both of them are doing dramatic, delighted BEEPs with every item, and the little girl gets her turn as well, with some help from her mother. They’re absolutely thrilled, and honestly? It was adorable.

The attendant monitoring the self-checkout eventually walks over, smiling so hard I thought her face might crack, and gives them a small discount.

Attendant: “Because you ladies just made my whole shift.”

I was shopping at a large home improvement store a few years ago. They used to have a particularly nasty woman who worked at the checkouts. You could tell she thought we were all stupid and beneath her. It was very early on a Sunday morning, and I had a cartful of assorted items. I knew some of the items wouldn’t scan. 

The only thing open was the four self-service registers.

Me: “Could I get some help, because I know some of these things won’t scan?”

She didn’t even look up from what she was doing and, in the most condescending voice possible, said:

Employee: “All you have to do is run it over the scanner. Just scan it.”

I scanned my small bag of grass seed. I scanned my bottle of plant food. I scanned the new igniter kit for my grill. Then I grabbed one of the landscaping pavers and plopped it down on the scanner glass. The sound coming from the machine would seem to indicate it wasn’t scanning. I flipped it over and tried the other side. The scanner made more protesting noises. 

I guess I was too vague. The noises I was referring to were the scanner glass breaking. Broken glass was everywhere. 

Now I had every employee in the area rushing over trying to help me. Of course, the manager came over, and they were trying to make a huge scene.

There was another customer who was standing right there who called out the employee and said she was very rude to me when I asked for help.

Other Customer: “She was just following her instructions perfectly!”

I left with all my stuff. I don’t know how long self-serve #3 was out of commission. It was still closed the next weekend. I never saw that employee there again.