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That Guy Al Is Up To No Good Again

, , , , , | Right | November 11, 2022

I work in a call center for a home security company. I get a call from an old lady.

Caller: “Did you know you’re committing treason?”

Me: “Uh, do what now?”

Caller: “You’ve got advertisements on a terrorist TV show!”

Me: “I don’t follow you, ma’am.”

Caller: “What are you, stupid? You’ve got advertisements on Al Jazeera, those terrorists that blew up 9/11!”

Me: “Ma’am, Al Jazeera is a news network; they’re like the NBC of the United Arab Emirates, or whichever country they’re in.”

Caller: “You kids these days are so f****** stupid! I want to talk to your manager!”

Me: “Okay, one sec.”

I hit the immediate transfer button.

Basically, my manager says: 

Manager: “Yeah, this call is pointless. Send them to Customer Relations.”

I start explaining the situation to Customer Relations.

Customer Relations: “They said what?! Aww, dis gon’ be gud. Send dat lady over hurr; I gotta hurr dis.”

Stick To Your Guns About The Guns

, , , , , , | Working | November 2, 2022

I work security in Texas, and I’ve been doing it for ten years now. In this state, you need a license to work in unarmed security and a separate license to work in armed security (with a gun). Each license requires different levels of certifications and training.

When I first start, I am unarmed. I get offered a job with this company to walk around this cluster of office buildings (like a business park) overnight to make sure nobody is getting up to any shenanigans in the parking lots. It sounds easy enough, so I accept the job.

While I’m working, one of the supervisors comes out to check on me.

Supervisor: “So, how’s the night been?”

Me: “It’s been good so far.”

He looks down.

Supervisor: “Where’s your gun?”

Me: “Uhhh… I don’t have one; I’m not licensed for it.”

Supervisor: “Well, we can’t have that. This is supposed to be an armed post. Hang on.”

He goes back to his car, retrieves a small black bag, and comes back over to me.

Supervisor: “Luckily, I always carry a backup.”

He unzips the bag, reaches in, and pulls out a pistol in a holster. He goes to hand it to me.

Supervisor: “Here, use this for the night. You can bring it back to the office in the morning.”

Me: “I can’t legally carry that, though.”

Supervisor: “It won’t matter for just one night. We’ll get you a different post tomorrow.”

In Texas, State Troopers can do random checks on security officers to make sure their security licenses are on them and are valid. If they’re not, you can be arrested. I have this running through my mind as the supervisor is talking to me.

Me: “Naw, man, I’m not taking that risk.”

Supervisor: “Look, either carry it or you’re fired!”

Without saying a word, I just turned and walked back to my car. The supervisor shouted an insult at my back. I just turned around, said, “Have a good night,” and then left.

I never contacted them again, and they never reached out to me after that night, either.

PIN-Headed, Part 22

, , , , , | Right | November 1, 2022

I work for a bank’s call center, in the customer complaints department. I open up a case folder to find several lengthy letters from a customer complaining about the fact that several of our branches have been painted white and other various gripes about redecoration that has taken place.

After a lengthy read, he finally concludes in letter three; his real problem is that he wrote his PIN next to all the ATMs he uses in the area and can no longer access any of his accounts as they have all been painted over.

Related:
PIN-Headed, Part 21
PIN-Headed, Part 20
PIN-Headed, Part 19
PIN-Headed, Part 18
PIN-Headed, Part 17

This Is What Happens When You Refuse To Follow The Rules

, , , , , , | Working | CREDIT: indigowulf | October 17, 2022

I used to work at a bar as the only female security. They’d had some very bad things happen when a man followed a woman to the bathroom, so they needed a woman that could keep an eye on what happened in there.

This bar got in legal trouble all the time. There was the bathroom thing above, the fire marshal closed them on some busy weekend nights for being way over capacity, and the liquor board had pulled their license once already for overserving and serving minors with pretty obvious fake IDs.

I was one of the new security hired to help resolve all this. It was so bad. We had to be trained by a government ATF (Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives) person and get a card to prove we knew how to spot and stop overserves and spot fake IDs. I think the real reason they hired us was to have scapegoats on the ready for the next time they did this.

I worked there a while, doing my best. [Owner’s Wife] was the worst. She was always drunk, and she always had her friends in the bar and bent the rules for them. She thought she was Lady Jesus and we should all be kissing her feet because she was the owner’s wife. I mostly stayed out of her way and had no issues, but many coworkers complained about her.

One night, some dude got sick on the way to the bathroom. I cut him off, and he ended up getting escorted out by his less drunk friends.

I noticed a man sitting at the bar watching this. He had creased slacks, a jacket indoors on a summer night, and no drink in his hand — at a busy meat-market dance club. I started watching him and noticed the badge under his jacket. Ah-ha! He was here to watch for overserving.

A little later, a woman came to the bathroom, drunk enough to need to hold onto the walls for dear life. I cut her off. She screamed at me, and then she went into the bathroom and tried to wash off the giant black Sharpie Xs from the back of both hands.

Me: “Ma’am, you’ll be kicked out of the club if you continue like this.”

She screamed again and staggered out of the bathroom.

About five minutes later, [Owner’s Wife] was in my face, screaming.

Owner’s Wife: “That woman you just cut off was my friend! She’s here attending a bachelorette party in the VIP section!”

I was supposed to somehow magically know she was VIP. I was also apparently supposed to break the law for her because she was VIP. So, [Owner’s Wife] and I started a screaming match.

Me:Your husband hired me to make sure the law is followed!”

I also started to inform her about the police officer at the bar, but she screamed in my face:

Owner’s Wife: “Shut your mouth and get out of my bar!”

She fired me on the spot. I didn’t bother waiting to see if her husband agreed; it was known she wore the pants.

I complied. I shut my mouth and got out of her bar. I walked past the cop, still sitting at the end of the bar near the bathrooms where the screaming match had taken place. I made eye contact with him and gave a slight nod, to which he responded by looking at [Owner’s Wife], rolling his eyes, and smiling at me as I left.

They got shut down that night for overserving the bachelorette party. This time, they went out of business because of too many strikes against them.

Insecure Question

, , , , | Right | October 11, 2022

I used to work as a tech support representative. We offered several methods for customers to verify their identity over the phone, and they were listed in their account details. The first was a security question, and customers had the option of picking from a list or choosing their own.

One day, I was working on a case and saw this question.

Question: “Who’s the biggest a**hole at [Company]?”

Thankfully, I didn’t recognize the name, and it was an email ticket anyway. I feel bad for anyone who had to ask the customer that question.