This was back when my wife and I lived in a high rise with a nice multi-level covered garage.

One day, I came down the elevator, walked out, and heard two people yelling in the security office. I poked my head in and saw two security officers holding two teens back from fighting each other.

I had to do a double-take on the conversation as it was so ludicrous.

Teen #1: “You need to arrest him! This is my parking garage! Mine! Only I can rip off cars from this garage! He knows this is my turf.”

Teen #2: “That punk can’t keep this turf. I’m taking over. I have the right to rip off cars from this garage now! You get him out of here!”

The security guard noticed me. I gave him a “WTF?” look and he shrugged sheepishly, mouthing, “Cops are on the way.”

I live in a three-unit townhome. We’re all good friends and share keys with each other. One of the residents is my best friend. With my approval, she sometimes enters my house when I’m gone to grab a soda. In return, she cooks me food and shares her alcohol with me on weekends. She has the code for my house alarm.

[Neighbor] lives in a different building, and she thinks we’re friends just because I’m friendly to her when she comes around. [Neighbor] is very obnoxious, but we’re all nice to her because you don’t want crazy people living across the street.

One day, [Neighbor] sees [Friend] leaving my house and asks what’s up. [Friend] tells her what’s up. Later, [Neighbor] texts me to “rat out” [Friend], and I tell her it’s fine.

A week later, [Neighbor] comes by.

Neighbor: “Why won’t you give me a key to your place?”

Me: “It’s a safety thing; I’m the only one with a fire extinguisher.”

The fire extinguisher part is a fact, but this is just an excuse I’ve made up. The only other excuse I’ve thought of is that my landlord won’t let me. But my excuse seems to shut her up. I really don’t want her in my house. I can only imagine what she’d do in there, and I know she’d bring her kids over to see my s***. I have expensive computer equipment; I don’t need kids around.

A month later, [Neighbor] sees me unloading a bucket of Fireball shots and quickly makes a beeline across the street. She asks for some and tries to make friendly conversation. I roll my eyes, struggle with the seal, and hand her two.

Neighbor: “Thanks, babe! Love you!”

Ugh. Whatever, it’s not a big deal.

Meanwhile, she still messages me like friends, and I watch her house from time to time when she’s gone.

Last week, I’m at my mom’s house when I get a phone call from my home security system company asking if I need the police. My roommate, [Friend], and keyholders have my code, and it gives you sixty seconds to push the code even if it’s wrong, so something is up.

I rush home, and my front door is wide open, letting the hot summer air strain my electric bill. There are two cops inside.

And there’s none other than [Neighbor] standing at the counter.

Neighbor: “Here she is! She lets me in her house! We’re best friends!”

My jaw dropped.

Apparently, [Neighbor] had the garage door code to [Friend]’s house. She found my house keys in [Friend]’s house, and she had the balls to take MY stuff when I was gone like she was entitled to it. Then, she didn’t message me that the alarm was screaming, let me know she wanted something, or even leave when the cops showed up.

It took the cops eight minutes to get there, so I have no idea what she was poking around with while the alarm was screaming. She broke into two houses like it was no big deal.

I demanded that she leave, but I didn’t press charges because I don’t want a crazy, angry neighbor.

My city charges you $100 if you have an unregistered alarm system, so I got a fine from the city. I paid the fee and stuck the bill in [Neighbor]’s doorway. I haven’t seen a dime of that yet. [Neighbor] also hasn’t asked for my alcohol, either, since then.

Related:
Like A Good Neighbor, Eyes To Yourself!
Like A Good Neighbor, Back Off My Dog!
Like A Good Neighbor, Try Saying “Please”
Like A Good Neighbor, F*** Bigots
Like A Good Neighbor, Don’t Be An A**

I was a bouncer for more than thirty years. In 1998, I worked in a rough nightclub in Leeds. We had so many fights that we actually had to pay extra for West Yorkshire Police to deploy officers outside on Fridays and Saturdays, in the same way that football clubs and concerts had to pay for extra policing.

One night, a young male got into an argument on the dancefloor and smashed a beer bottle over another young man’s head, knocking him out. One of my colleagues saw it and called us on the radio for backup.

We got there, and this guy was threatening everyone with the jagged remnants of the bottle, and he had about seven or eight friends with him who looked like they were up for it. My colleagues and I were outnumbered, but we were good. There was a moment of tense stand-off because this was going to be bloody.

Suddenly, the guy dropped his bottle, raised his hands to his head, and screamed in pain. An older woman had come up behind him and was twisting his ear viciously. The song that was playing finished, and the DJ was so busy watching that he forgot to play the next track, so the whole club could hear what happened next.

Older Woman: “YOU YELLOW LITTLE B*****D! I DIDN’T BRING YOU UP TO USE WEAPONS! THAT’S NOT HOW WE FIGHT IN OUR FAMILY! JUST WAIT ‘TIL I GET YOU OUTSIDE!”

And she dragged him the whole way out of the club by his ear whilst he screamed:

Guy: “OW, MUM! OWWWW! LET GO, MUM!”

And yes, a lot of people clapped and cheered.

The lad who got bottled knew the guy who’d assaulted him and did not want to press charges, either because it was just a drunken argument between friends or he intended to deal with it himself.

I work at the customer service desk in a grocery store. Recently, the lottery payout was at almost $2,000,000,000. I had a gentleman come to my window and purchase almost $1,200 in tickets. He made a joke I’ve heard a million times over.

Customer: “If I don’t win, I get my money back, right?”

He even said this while laughing and smiling. I gave him a generic polite smile, and he went on his way.

They drew the numbers the following day, and I heard that someone in California had won. I showed up to my shift, and it seemed to be a normal shift. That was until the gentleman came back. Despite one of my coworkers offering him assistance, he said he wanted to talk with me. I finished with the customer I was with and waved him over.

Before I could greet him he slammed down his pile of tickets, receipt included.

Customer: “Okay, missy, I didn’t win anything! You said if I didn’t win, I would get my money back, so I am here for my full refund!”

I was slightly taken aback. I was trying to figure out if he was being serious or not, and after a moment, I realized he was.

Me: “Sir, regardless of winning or not, all sales on any lottery tickets are final.”

Customer: *Screaming* “NO, NO, NO! You said it yesterday! If I didn’t win, I get my money back! Now refund me before I call the cops and tell them you stole all my money!”

Me: *Calmly* “I understand that you are upset that you lost, but no one has stolen your money. This is just how the lottery system works.”

I could see he was getting more upset and not wanting to hear what I had to say. This was when it became one of those “I don’t get paid enough” moments. He had started getting more and more upset, so he decided to start knocking over a nearby display of candy and glass soda and beer bottles while shouting about how we had stolen his money. I had enough of this and called for both management and security.

Management ended up calling the police while security detained the man, and he ended up causing more than $350 in damages. It was definitely an interesting one.

As can sometimes unfortunately happen, our flight has been canceled (after a significant delay already), so we passengers are queuing up at the airline’s help desk to find out what options we have.

While this is frustrating for everybody, I have seen wave after wave of passengers shouting some truly awful abuse at the poor woman representing the airline in my particular queue. It has been relentless, and the passenger she is dealing with currently has been the worst.

Passenger: “Unacceptable! You will f****** get me on a plane to f****** Chicago right this f****** minute!”

Airline Representative: “Sir, as I have already explained, there are no more flights to Chicago from this airport for the rest of the evening. I can get you a flight to Indianapolis in the next hour and from there a connecting—”

Passenger: “Are you as stupid as you look?! I said that was f****** unacceptable! Did you not learn proper English when your mama smuggled you over the border, you f****** smelly [slur for Latinos]?! Get… me… to… Chicago… now!“

The airline representative simply stares at this awful human being for a moment, and anyone looking can tell that she has just broken. She has been putting on a brave face for this whole ordeal, but the water in her eyes shows she has now reached her limit.

Luckily, this passenger has been shouting his abuse so loudly that he has attracted the attention of airport security. Three large men have approached him from behind.

Security: “Sir, please come with us.”

Passenger: “Why? Do you have a plane for me?”

Security: “No, sir, we’re escorting you away from the airport. Your behavior is posing a risk to staff and other passengers.”

Passenger: “Oh, f*** off! You can’t be serious.”

Security: “Sir, your options are an escort to the exit or an escort to a holding cell where you will be collected by the police. Choose.”

Passenger: “You f****** stupid—”

Security: *With zero hesitation* “Holding cell it is! Well done. You just squandered your free pass.” *To his colleagues* “Gentlemen?”

They all step closer, and the passenger only then realizes how badly he has f***ed up. Thankfully, he allows himself to be escorted away without a fight.

When it’s finally my turn to be served, I am being seen by another representative.

Me: “Is that poor woman okay?”

Other Airline Representative: *In a whisper* “I… I think she just quit.”

I’m not sure about their workplace or Human Resources rules, but in case I wasn’t supposed to know that, I whisper back:

Me: “I don’t blame her for one second!”

I know it can be frustrating when airlines cancel flights, but raging like a bigoted maniac is not how you complain!