A Probing Set Of Questions

, | Ithaca, NY, USA | Bizarre, School

(Our college has students that work with the officers of public safety to help patrol the college and dorms at night. Other students like to tease us to varying degrees. This conversation takes place with a student who is tipsy but still being rather polite.)

Student: “What if I took off running right now?”

Me: *jokingly* “That’s what the flashlight is for.”

Student: “What if you miss?”

Me: “That’s what the radio is for.”

Student: “What if you miss?”

Me: “That’s what the probie is for.” *look at my partner* “Go fetch.”

It’s All Pat-Down From Here

| Seattle, WA, USA | Tourists/Travel

(In our security protocols, if a person alarms our metal detector and cannot remove whatever is alarming, like a too-small bracelet or medical device, we must pat them down in order to clear the alarm. I’m female and walk up to assist a woman who has alarmed because of a knee replacement. We are required to explain all of the pat down and ask legal questions before every pat down. I’ve just finished the legal advisement.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, and finally have you ever had a pat down before?”

Woman: “Yes, but it’s never been this intrusive before!”

Me: “…ma’am, I haven’t even started yet.”

Doesn’t Prank Very Highly With Him

| GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

(I am working the graveyard security shift when the phone rings.)

Me: “[Company] guard shack. This is [My Name].”

Caller: “Hey, I just wanted to make sure your refrigerator was running.”

Me: “Already caught it running down Oregon Road. Is there something I can help you with?”

(He apparently places his hand badly over the speaker because I can still hear him.)

Caller: *to someone else* “Dude, it didn’t work. Got another?”

Other Person: “Try the Prince Albert one!”

Me: “I’ll stop you two right there; I’ve got Prince Albert in a can, Queen Elizabeth in a box, and the Duke of Earl in a bar with Tom, Dick, and Harry. Unless you have actual business with me, you can just hang up now before I trace this call and put your a** in the grass.”

(*click*)

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