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The Fact That It Tells Time Is Just A Side Perk

, , , , | Learning | October 20, 2021

I’m taking my GCSEs (General Certificates of Secondary Education). My school, being the run-down and underfunded place it is, apparently doesn’t have the budget to fix the clocks in the exam hall, so we’re all encouraged to bring watches into the exam hall to help us keep track of time. I borrow my dad’s old watch and bring it to my exams.

Once the first exam is over, my class and I head down to the canteen where we kill some time before the next exam. [Classmate] notices my watch and asks to see it.

I hand it over and make small talk with a few other classmates. Suddenly, [Classmate] exclaims.

Classmate: “Dude! This is an [Expensive Brand] watch! It’s worth like, four or five grand. At least!”

The entire class gasps.

Me: *Shrugs* “My mom gave that to my dad as a wedding gift. He retired it when he got his new smartwatch last year, so I got it.”

Classmate: *Offended* “He retired it? You don’t retire an [Expensive Brand] watch for a mere smartwatch. That’s like using a Bible as toilet paper!”

He shakes his head in disgust. I take my watch back.

Classmate: “Dude, why are you bringing this to school?”

Me: “Uh, why wouldn’t I? It’s a watch. It tells the time.”

Classmate: *Deeply offended* “What type of savage are you? That’s not how you treat an [Expensive Brand] watch!”

Me: “Then please explain to me why you would buy a watch like this.”

Classmate: “To look good at parties and business meetings! To show everyone that you are rich and successful! It’s a status symbol!”

Me: “So, basically, jewellery.”

Classmate: “Now you get it! Telling the time.” *Scoffs* “Utterly ridiculous. Who actually buys watches for that?”

The Teacher Did Not See That Coming

, , , , , , | Learning | July 3, 2021

My family moved from a small, traditional island community to a bustling city when I was really young because my parents were offered an opportunity they couldn’t afford to miss. This meant changing schools, meeting new friends, etc.

It is the first day of secondary school for my older brother, and he is nervous, to say the least. His name is Natsei, pronounced “Nat-say,” but everyone calls him “Nat” or “Nats” to avoid the obvious. He is in his first class of the day, English, where the teacher is doing attendance.

Teacher: “Erm… Mr. [Our Last Name]?”

Brother: *Raises his hand* “Here.”

Teacher: “Could I ask, how do you pronounce your name?”

Brother: “You can call me Nat; a lot of people do to avoid what I know you’re thinking about.”

Teacher: “For future reference, however, how do you pronounce your name?”

Brother: “Nat-Say.”

Teacher: “I bet your parents didn’t think that one through, did they?”

Brother: “Considering that it’s a traditional name handed down through my family, I would say they did.”

The teacher ended up calling him by our last name for the rest of his time in school.

The Science Of Silence

, , | Learning | June 29, 2021

In eighth grade, we have this science teacher who is known for being a bit eccentric. She is fairly relaxed usually, but often our classes get really rowdy and she gets upset. This is one of those days, and to try and control the class, she tells everyone that the next person who talks is getting expelled from class.

A few minutes pass in total silence — from our end, anyway. I — a good student, but really scatty and talkative, by no means innocent of talking in class — spend that time admiring my friend’s ruler, which has “Wind In The Willows” characters on it.

Then, it happens.

Me: “This is a cool ruler—” *gasps*

Yes, I was the ONE KID who got expelled that day — and for a totally innocuous comment! I expected my Mum to FLIP, but for once, she was really un-Mum-like and just laughed it off as me being my usual inattentive self.

That’s A Fair Question

, , , , | Learning | June 28, 2021

In eighth grade, we had a really young English teacher. She looked and acted so young, a rumour spread across the class that she was eighteen, which, of course, was impossible, but hey, we were thirteen. What did we know? Predictably, all the boys developed huge crushes on her.

One day, we were in class and somebody was passing a note, and the teacher intercepted it. She took it from the person who had it, unfolded it, and read it out loud.

Teacher: “‘The teacher’s really hot, but she wears white socks.’”

Not missing a beat, and entirely deadpan, she turned to the class and asked:

Teacher: “What’s wrong with white socks?”