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With Customers Like These, Who Needs Anemones

, , , , | Right | September 3, 2010

Guest: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Me: “Hi there! Do you have a question?”

Guest: “Yes. What is this?” *points to a specimen*

Me: “That is called a sea anemone.”

Guest: “Oh…” *walks away, only to walk back a few moments later* “What are they the enemies of?”


This story is included in our Aquarium roundup!

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Never Send A Man…Period

, , , , , | Right | July 31, 2010

(A male customer is in the feminine hygiene aisle and has requested to speak to a female employee.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you with something?”

Customer: *obviously embarrassed* “I need some ‘female products.’”

Me: “Okay, you’re in the right place. This is all our selection.”

Customer: “Really?” *points to the pads* “I don’t think these will work. They all look so small.”

Me: “Well, most women prefer that. But if you want something different, the tampons are right here as well.”

Customer: “Oh, gross. No, I would rather these but bigger, so they’ll work.”

Me: “This is really all we have.”

Customer: “Hmm, what about some diapers or something like that? Do you have those?”

Me: “What? Do you mean baby diapers? Sir, I really don’t think that’s what you want.”

Customer: “You’re right, they probably cost twice as much, anyway. I think I’m going to tell my wife to come in after work and figure this out herself.”

Me: “I think that’s a very good idea, sir.”

Bean There, Done That

, , , , | Right | July 18, 2010

Me: “Hello, sir, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I just came from Mexico. I had some good beans there. What were they? Ah, yes! Frijoles!”

Me: “Sir, frijoles is just the word for beans in Spanish.”

Customer: “No! I had special beans in Mexico and they were called frijoles! Get me frijoles!”

Me: “Sir, we only have refried beans at this deli. These are frijoles. Would you like these, or something else?”

Customer: “Frijoles! How is this so difficult to understand?”

Me: “Sir, frijoles are beans… in Spanish.”

Customer: “Then get me beans in Spanish!”


This story is part of our Confused-With-Spanish roundup!

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Sick Of Waiting

, , , , , , , | Right | June 4, 2010

(A woman is several places back in line with her son who is about eight years old.)

Customer’s Son: “Mom? I don’t feel good.”

Customer: “Hang on, honey. Mommy is going to get her coffee and then she will take you to the restroom.”

Customer’s Son: “Mom? I feel really sick.”

(I look up and see the boy is very pale and breathing heavy.)

Me: “Ma’am? If you would like to take your son to the restroom, we will save your place in line.”

Customer: “No, it’s okay. We will wait.”

Customer’s Son: “Mom. I really need the bathroom. I don’t feel good.”

Customer: “Honey, just wait. We’ll be done in a few minutes.”

Manager: “Ma’am, please take your son to the restroom. We’ll make your drink while you are in there. On the house. Please!”

Customer: “No! He will have to wait.”

(The customer’s son begins to gag and the customers near him move away from, all of them begging her to take him to the restroom immediately. A few even offer to take him themselves.)

Customer: “I said no! He is just doing this for attention. If you ignore him he will stop.”

Me: “Ma’am, for the last time. Please take your son to the–”

(The customer’s son bends over and begins vomiting on the floor.)

Manager: “Please! Get him out of here!”

Customer: “But I don’t want to lose my place in line.”

Manager: “Ma’am, either get him to the restroom or get him outside. Now!”

Customer: *in a huff* “Well, fine! He’s only doing this for attention!”

(The customer comes out five minutes later leading her fully-recovered son by the hand. As I finish mopping the boy’s breakfast off the floor, she collects her free coffee drink, smiles, and leaves, calling out…)

Customer: “Thank you very much. See you all tomorrow!”


This story is part of our Terrible Parents roundup!

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Customers This Dumb Are Rare

, , , | Right | February 1, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, miss. Could you help me out here?”

Me: “Sure, ma’am. Did you need anything else?”

Customer: “No, it’s just that I really don’t like my sushi at all.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, that’s one of our most popular items on the menu. Would you mind telling me what’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “There’s raw fish in it.”


This story is part of the American States roundup!

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