Me: “[Taxi Service], what’s your address?”
Customer: “[Address].”
Me: “Okay, is that a house, an apartment, or a business?”
Customer: “It’s a building.”
(Well, duh, it’s a building, as anything with an address usually is.)
(I met my boyfriend at the outlet store where we used to work. As I am manning the register and he is straightening a nearby display of coats when I hear this exchange.)
Customer: *shouting* “This coat is from [Major National Bulk Retailer]! Oh, my God, you stole this!”
Boyfriend: *very confused* “What?”
Customer: “This coat is [Major National Bulk Retailer] brand! I know! I shop there all the time! You stole this!”
Boyfriend: *flatly* “No, we didn’t.”
Customer: “So, that’s how you get your products?! You just sneak them off of better store’s trucks?!”
Boyfriend: “No, [Outlet Store] buys the excess stock that they can’t sell from several different retailers and resells it at a lower cost.”
Customer: “You’re lying! I know you stole this! I’m going over there and telling them right now!”
Boyfriend: “Okay. Go ahead. I don’t think you understand how outlet stores work.”
(The customer marched to my register, slammed her shopping basket onto my belt, and stormed out the front door angrily, never to be heard from again.)
(It’s ten minutes until our closing time at 6:00 pm. The phone rings.)
Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]; how may I help you?”
Customer: “What time do you close?”
Me: “We close at six o’ clock, in ten minutes.”
Customer: *very brightly* “Okay! I’m on my way now; I’m about twenty minutes out! Will you stay open an extra fifteen to twenty minutes for me?”
(Incredulous pause.)
Me: *trying my best to sound professional and not scoff at her* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t keep the store open past six. Our [Nearby City] location is open until eight, though.”
Customer: *deep, disapproving sigh* “Fine.” *click*
(I didn’t tell her that even if I could stay open, I wouldn’t. I was locked up and out of there at 6:05.)
Related:
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 31
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 30
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 29
(One morning, one of my fellow teachers comes into the office, starts rifling through her papers in her bag, and lets out a heavy sigh.)
Teacher: “I’m not sure how I’m going to explain this to my students.”
Me: “Explain what?”
Teacher: “You know that squid dissection lab?”
Me: “Not really?”
Teacher: “They dissect little market squid. I have them dissect out the squid’s ink sac and use it to sign their names.”
Me: *laughing* “That’s hilarious! Does it work?”
Teacher: “Oh, yeah! And it smells. Unfortunately. You won’t believe this, but my dog ate the labs.”
Me: “Wait, what? All of them?”
Teacher: “Yup. Or at least enough that I can’t grade them.”
(She sighs.)
Teacher: “Screw it. They’re all getting full credit.” *chuckles* “And at least they’ll get a laugh out of it!”
(When I am a kid, my family — parents, two brothers, and me — live in an apartment. One night, we have some family friends over. The adults are in the dining room laughing and talking while the kids are all in the bedroom goofing around. From the dining room, it is a straight shot back to the bedroom, so the door is opened and the adults can mostly see everything. We have a bunk bed that one of my brothers and I share and a toddler bed for our little brother. We also have those pop-up parachute-fabric tents that you can create mazes out of. My brother decides the best thing in the world would be to flip one of the tents on its roof and jump off the top bunk into it in his stocking feet. What the adults hear:)
Brother: “Watch this!”
(They hear the bed creak, followed by a thump as he hits the ground. Then, silence.)
Me: “Um, maybe you should go show that to Mom.”
(Mom, whose back is currently to the bedroom, glances at the family friend.)
Mom: “Do I want to know?”
(My brother went running down the hall to tell her all about it. He’d ended up smacking his face on the metal on our little brother’s toddler bed and given himself a bloody nose. All in all, not the worst injury he’s had. He probably wouldn’t have had as much issue if he hadn’t decided to jump into the tent with his socks still on.)
