(I do billing and tech support for a major cell phone carrier.)

Customer: “I was just talking to someone about getting my rebate card for the phone I bought in November, and we got disconnected.”

Me: “Oh, well, I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll be glad to assist you with getting your rebate resubmitted or the card re-mailed.”

Customer: “I’m about to give up! The rebate people keep telling me I can’t have my $50 rebate!”

Me: *looking at the notes on the account* “Uh, ma’am, the notes here say that you purchased the phone for $1 at [Electronics Retailer]; is that correct?”

Customer: “Yes, but I don’t see what that has to do with it!”

Me: “Well, a rebate is basically a refund from the manufacturer on money that you already spent on the phone. If you had gotten that particular phone at one of [Carrier]’s corporate store locations, it would have been $79.99, with a $50 mail-in rebate. However, since you only spent a dollar on it in the first place—”

Customer: *cutting me off* “It doesn’t say anywhere on this rebate form the store lady gave me that you have to pay a certain amount to get your rebate card! I’m eligible for a rebate!”

Me: “I’m really sorry, ma’am, but there’s no way I can make them honor that, since you didn’t buy the phone at one of our stores. I do see that someone has applied a promotion for a month of free service to your account, though, as well as issuing you some inconvenience credits! Between the promotion and the credits, the value applied to your account is actually greater than the $50 gift card, anyway.”

Customer: “Those credits are because they were saying I was late on my payment! I pay on time every month, though!”

Me: *looks at the payment history on the account* “Well, I see that you’ve been making payments every month, but it looks like you’ve been underpaying by $10 to $15 every month for the last few months now. I’d be happy to review your plan—”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t look at my bills; I just make a payment! No, I’m going to take my free month and go look for another carrier. I can’t believe you won’t give me my rebate card!”

(Nothing I could do or say would persuade the customer that, in fact, she owed us the remaining balance from her bills, and we did not owe her a rebate on money she never paid for her phone. Eventually, she hung up the call.)

Customer: “Hi. I would like a coffee that’s sweet but not too sweet. What do you recommend?”

Me: “How about a vanilla latte? It’s sweet but pretty mellow. We can also make drinks half sweet if you would prefer that.”

Customer: *without skipping a beat* “I’ll take a large iced white chocolate mocha with extra whipped cream.”

(It is September 16, 2001, five days after the terrorist attacks on the USA’s east coast. While we are 3000 miles from there, many people have friends or family who have been affected. Our computer store was supposed to have the new Mac OS available, but with plane flights suspended, we haven’t gotten it yet. One man is less than understanding, and is screaming at my coworker:)

Customer: “What do you mean, you don’t have it?! Your ad promised it would be here, and I reserved a copy weeks ago! How can you not have it?!”

(He pauses for breath and I put on my best “helpful customer service” voice.)

Me: “Sir, due to the terrorist attacks Tuesday, in which thousands of people died, shipping has been disrupted. Would you like to leave your name and number so we can call you when your order arrives?” *which we’d be doing for everyone who pre-ordered, anyway*

Customer: *after a long pause, blushes, and whispers* “No, thank you; I’ll check back later.”

(At least he had the grace to be embarrassed.)

(I work in IT, and when giving users temporary passwords, we try to give them phonetically in order to avoid confusion. I’m giving a user a password that has a P and a Y next to each other.)

Me: “…that’s P as in ‘yellow’… wait.”

(My coworker from the desk across from me sends a direct message.)

Coworker: “P as in ‘yellow.’”

Me: “I heard it!”

(Next, I have an N and an O right next to each other.)

Me: “N as in ‘Orange’— Wait!”

User: *laughs at me as I give her the correct password*

(I work at a large grocery store. It’s the middle of summer and hotter than normal for my area, and I’m outside fixing up a display of outdoor furniture that’s on sale. As I’m arranging things, a well-dressed woman comes up to me from the crowded parking lot, smiling. I smile back and am about to ask what I can do for her when she beats me to it.)

Customer: “Hi! My daughter is in the car and I just have to grab a few things real quick. Can you just keep an eye on her?”

(I’m too stunned by how ridiculous this is to respond for a moment, glance out at the sea of cars with literal heat waves rolling off of them and I can’t even tell which car has her daughter trapped in an oven. I’m so upset and in shock at how stupid this mother is I don’t even think as I respond.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m working and have no time or desire to watch your child! And you can’t leave your child in your car!”

(Her bright, vapid smile vanished and she gave me a dirty look as she went back towards the parking lot.)

This story is part of the second Heatwave roundup!

Read the next second Heatwave roundup story!

Read the second Heatwave roundup!