I’m babysitting a brother and sister who are four and three, respectively. The brother has recently started preschool and is always excited to tell his sister new things he’s learned.

We’re taking a walk around the neighborhood and he points to a fir tree.

Brother: “This is carnivorous!”

I laugh and he asks why.

Me: “This is a coNIFerous tree; it has cones. The word you said is carNIVorous, which means something that eats meat, like a tiger.”

The boy thinks about this for a moment and starts laughing, too. He turns to his sister.

Brother: “Watch out! The tree’s going to eat you!”

The whole rest of the day, the kids chased each other pretending to be man-eating trees.

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I go to the dentist for the first time after the start of the health crisis. The receptionist asks if I had done the health check-in online.

Me: “I haven’t.”

Another patient waiting in the office speaks up.

Other Patient: “I haven’t, either.”

Receptionist: “I’ll email it to you both.”

I find the form in my email and fill it out. The other patient looks at her phone.

Other Patient: “I still don’t see it.”

Receptionist: “I’ll send it to you again.”

Other Patient: “I think I see the problem; I was working on my shopping list.”

She goes back to work on her phone.

Other Patient: “There, I sent it. Did you get it?”

Receptionist: “Are you making holiday cookies? I think you sent me your shopping list.”

My phone rings, and I don’t recognize the number. But I did leave a message for my doctor earlier, so it could be the doctor or her nurse calling back, so I answer.

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hi, [My Name], how are you today?”

Me: “Who’s calling?”

Caller: “I’m calling about renewable energy. Have you given any thought to this topic given everything that’s going on in the world?”

Me: “How did you get this number?”

Caller: “From the Homeowners List.”

Not from an HOA, which isn’t relevant to my area anyway, just some Homeowners List.

Me: “I see. You can take me off your list.”

Caller: *Annoyed* “Okay, sure, KAREN.” *Click*

The thing is, my name sounds like Karen. I’m not actually sure if she said Karen accidentally or was trying to insult me for not wanting unsolicited phone calls. Strange!

I’m training at my new job, learning how to schedule patients for medical appointments. At this point in the training, I’m answering calls and scheduling while my trainer watches to be sure I’ve learned what I need to and in case I have questions. A man calls to schedule a non-urgent appointment, hoping to get in the next day. Unfortunately, we don’t have anything available.

Me: “I know you were hoping to get in earlier, but the next available appointment I can find for you is the coming Monday, at 11:00.”

Caller: “Hmm, I was really hoping to get in tomorrow. There’s nothing open?”

There are a few slots for emergencies, but again, his is a non-urgent need, so I don’t even tell him about those.

Me: “The soonest I can offer you is that spot on Monday. I can schedule you for it and also put you on our cancellation list; it’s no guarantee, but if someone cancels an appointment in the next few days before Monday, we’ll call you to get you in sooner.”

Caller: *Perfectly pleasant, not a hint of rudeness* “How about, instead of the cancellation list, you call some of the other patients and ask if they’d be willing to reschedule to Monday, and I can have one of those spots?”

My trainer’s eyes go wide.

Me: “No, I’m sorry, sir, I can’t do that.”

Caller: *Again, no rude tone in the slightest* “I can call them for you if you give me their phone numbers; I’m sure you have a busy job.”

My trainer’s jaw about hits the floor now.

Me: “No, sir, I can’t give out patients’ private information. The best I can offer is that Monday appointment and the cancellation list.”

Caller: *Still incredibly pleasant* “Okay, I guess that will work. Let me give you my cell phone number so you can reach me right away if anyone cancels.”

I book the appointment and put him on the cancellation list with his cell number, and the polite but baffling call ends.

Trainer: “I’ve been working here for seven years. I have never heard anyone ask for patients’ phone numbers to call them asking to trade appointments. If I hadn’t been here listening to the call and you’d told me what happened, I wouldn’t have believed you.”

I’m at a restaurant with some friends from my high school cross country team. We’re placing our orders. One friend’s order has some options he needs to choose from.

Waiter: “Super salad?”

Friend: “Well, I don’t know if I’m that hungry… How big is it?”

Waiter: *Confused* “Um, which? The super salad?”

Friend: “Yeah, like it is as big as the entree?”

Waiter: “The super salad?”

Friend: “Yes.”

The conversation goes on like this for a couple of minutes, everyone’s confusion growing more and more, until finally, something dawns on the waiter…

Waiter: “Um, do you want salad or soup?”

Friend: “Oh! Side salad, please, with Italian dressing.”

It’s a pity we weren’t a baseball team!