It Is Possible To Not Like Sports

, , , , , | Working | October 11, 2017

(I am checking out at a grocery store the morning of a big football game.)

Cashier: “You’re not wearing your [Team] gear!”

Me: “Well, I’d have to own some. And care.”

Cashier: *shock*

Look At All These “Looks!”

, , , , , | Friendly | October 10, 2017

(I’m sitting at the stoplight right next to my apartment building, waiting to turn right onto a major thoroughfare. I see a bus coming down the bus-only lane and realize I’m sticking too far out into the intersection for it to get by. I put my car in reverse to creep back, and go maybe 10 to 12 inches, and discover there was a guy sitting on my tail, and I’ve backed into him. My issue was that I was focused on getting out of the way of the bus and didn’t pay attention to what was behind me like I should have. I get out of the car to address the guy behind me, but he starts the exchange.)

Guy: *gesturing indignantly* “Wha… You… Wha… How… Do you not look?! Do you not look behind you?! How do you not look?!”

Me: “Yeah, I’m sorry about that; I was concentrating on getting out of the way of the bu—”

Guy: “I do not understand how you cannot look! Do you drive and not look?!”

Me: “Yeah, I should have looked but I didn’t. That was my error. I was too far out in front of the—”

Guy: *maintaining his flabbergasted tone* “I do not care about the bus! You are supposed to look! How do you not look behind you?!”

(At this point I look and there is ZERO damage, not even a scuff. He continues.)

Guy: “How can you drive and not look behind you?”

Me: “Yeah… I’ve acknowledged that I should have looked behind me, but—”

Guy: “I do not understand how you not look?!”

Me: “Look, there’s no damage, so… I’m just going to get going. Sorry, again.”

(I get in my car and the guy doesn’t budge, his body language doesn’t alter, and his tone of voice stays the same.)

Guy: “But how do you not look?! You need to look!”

(I drove off while he still stood there and nothing else came of it.)

Death Of A Sale At A Funeral

, , , , | Working | October 9, 2017

(My uncle has recently passed away, and my mother is the executor of his estate. We have been receiving many telemarketing calls and she is tired of them.)

Telemarketer: “Hello, I’m calling from [Company] about [Service]. How are you doing today?”

Mom: “Well, to be honest, my brother just passed away, and I’ve been getting a lot more sales calls than condolence calls. How do you think I’m feeling?”

Telemarketer: *click*

(We stopped getting so many calls after that!)

Coming To A Horrible Realization

, , , , , , | Friendly | September 25, 2017

(My wife and I live in an apartment complex. Our greasy upstairs neighbor listens to his music and movies so loud we can’t hear our own TV, and talking to him about it is always met with, “Yeah, yeah, sorry! Of course!” and then him never actually turning anything down. I wake up in the middle of the night to an odd noise that takes me a moment to identify. It is a rhythmic thumping and squeaking, directly above us. I realize this must be the neighbor’s bedroom, as the apartment layouts are identical. The moment I wonder if my wife is still asleep, she speaks.)

Wife: “Um…”

Me: “Yeah. I hear it, too.”

Wife: “What… what is it?”

Me: “What do you think it is, honey?”

Wife: *wearily* “Oh, no.”

(Right then, the noise stops. Then we hear footsteps across the room towards the bathroom. Then a door shutting. Then silence. Then a flush.)

Wife: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Did A Number On You

, , , , , | Right | September 8, 2017

(I’m 18 years old and work in a local grocery store. In order to get deals and sales on items, customers usually give us a card or their phone numbers. One evening as I’m checking, a customer who looks to be in his late 30’s comes through my line.)

Me: “Hi, how are you tonight?”

Customer: “Good!”

Me: “Glad to hear that! Do you have your grocery card or phone number with you by chance? You’ll save some money.”

(The customer decides to give me his phone number.)

Customer: “Okay, now since I gave you my number, you give me yours.”

(I’m a little startled by this comment, but I decide to not say anything and just keep checking him out. I get done and put my hand out to give him his change and receipt.)

Customer: “Oh, you can just write it on the receipt.”

(Since he speaks while I am counting his change back, I don’t understand what he says at first. I almost don’t say anything, until I notice he hasn’t taken his change out of my hand yet. I then realize that he wants me to acknowledge what he said.)

Me: “I’m so sorry; I didn’t catch that. What did you say?”

Customer: “Your number. You can just write it on the receipt.”

Me: *in the friendliest customer service voice I have ever used* “…thank you, have a nice day, sir!”

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