I forgot my jacket at a baseball game. The next game I attended, I went to Lost & Found.

Me: “I’m looking for a tan windbreaker with dark blue lining, made by [Retailer]. I left it here during the last game.”

The employee consulted her list for quite a while.

Employee: “No, we have one a lot like that, but it is listed as beige.”

Once I had convinced her that beige and tan were more or less synonyms, she consented to go get the jacket, which, of course, was mine.

I stop at a fast food place to try their new chicken falafel. The line at the drive-thru is long, so I park and go inside. On the door, there is a sign.

Sign: “Inside is cash only until the computer is fixed; if you want to use a card you have to use the drive-thru.”

When you get in line, there is a “Cash only inside” sign. There is a sign on the register. The counter person gets confirmation from everyone ordering that they understand it’s cash only.

We can all see where this is going.

While I’m waiting for my sandwich, a woman comes in, past all the signs, nods when the counter person tells her it’s cash only, and gives her order. Then, she is amazed and affronted when she can’t pay with a card.

Customer: “I want to see the manager!”

The older woman waiting next to me ripped into her and essentially hounded her out of the business. It was a beautiful thing to see, as was the life coming back into the counter person’s eyes. They’d obviously been dealing with idiots all day.

I take my kids to visit my grandparents, and while we’re there, their phone rings. My grandfather answers and after a moment…

Grandfather: “Another telemarketer scam.”

My Seven-Year-Old: “I have an idea. Can I have the phone?”

Grandfather: “Sure.”

Seven-Year-Old: *Into the phone* “BLARGH! BLAH, BLAH! RAGH! ARGH! BLARGH!”

More or less.

My seven-year-old hands the phone back to her great-grandfather.

Seven-Year-Old: “They hung up.”

I now give her the phone whenever I get an unsolicited call.

This story is part of the Phone Scam Payback roundup!

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I’m next in line at the grocery store, picking up some holiday baking supplies. The woman in line ahead of me has a bag of dinner rolls that aren’t ringing up. The cashier asks for a price check, and a manager passing by tells her that this brand of rolls has been having issues scanning and to just give it to the woman free of charge.

Cashier: “How about that? Free dinner rolls for you!”

Customer: “Wait… It didn’t scan, so it was free?”

Cashier: “It actually happened!”

Customer: “I used to hear that joke all the time when I cashiered, but it was never true. It’s a Christmas miracle!”

My friend and I are travelling together and we pass by a New Age-type shop. Despite not being a New Age type at all herself, my friend is a sucker for these places because they usually sell the kind of jewellery she likes, so we go in. 

My friend is trying on rings with the help of the clerk, who’s making suggestions. All is going well, until…

Clerk: “Oh, I think this one would be absolutely beautiful for you. It matches your eyes and it’s got a wonderful energy.”

She points out a ring with a sort of blue-grey-green stone. My friend pulls away like she’s been offered a snake.

Friend: “Absolutely not.”

The clerk looks surprised.

Friend: “I, uh, I never wear labradorite. It, um… It’s brought me bad luck and I… don’t like its aura. It’s very pretty, but no.”

After we leave:

Me: “Since when do you believe rocks have an ‘aura’?”

Friend: “My ex once bought me a necklace with a labradorite pendant and lost his mind if I didn’t wear it every time I saw him. Since then, I can’t wear the stuff even though I do like the colour. But I’m not about to explain all that to a total stranger.”

Me: “What happened to the necklace?”

Friend: “I pawned it and gave the money to a homeless person. I figured it might as well do some good in the world.”