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Scouting For The Saddest Joke

, , , , , , | Romantic | October 17, 2017

(My wife used to be a Boy Scout and was kicked out at 18 for being gay, before she came to terms with being a woman. So, I am surprised when she comes home with a box of popcorn the Boy Scouts were selling.)

Me: “This is the worst and least original joke, but is Boy Scout popcorn made from real Boy Scouts?”

Wife: “Yeah, it’s made from the gay and trans kids they kick out.”

Me: *pauses* “My joke wasn’t funny, but you didn’t have to make it sad.”


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Chocolate Cures Everything

, , , , , , , | Hopeless | October 14, 2017

I used to be a girl scout. Cookie season rolled around, and my troop was scheduled to sell them outside of a convenience store sometime very early in the year. Of course, this meant it was very cold outside.

Not many people bought cookies or even walked into the store, and we were freezing, tired, and miserable.

After a while, I went into the store to go to the bathroom and warm up a bit. When I came outside, my troop leader was holding several steaming cups of hot chocolate.

I asked her where she had gotten them, and she said that she didn’t buy them. Apparently, a woman had seen us outside the store and decided to buy them for us from a nearby fast food joint. I completely missed her!

Thank you, random woman! You made my dreary day much brighter, and the hot chocolate was delicious.


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Driving Home Those Sales

, , , , | Related | September 21, 2017

(We are saving for a trip to Savannah, so our Girl Scouts are having booth sales everywhere. A car dealership invited us to have a sale at their lot, and it is slow. Not many people come to a dealership to buy cookies. My girls are Juniors, aged 9-11, and are bored. My daughter is standing at the table asking everyone who walks by to buy cookies, and finally a man comes up, with the owner of the dealership.)

Man: *asking my daughter* “How much for a box of cookies?”

Daughter: “$15,000, and I’ll throw in that truck.”

(The owner burst out laughing, and told her that she had a job anytime she wanted it, once she was an adult! The man bought two cases before we went home.)


This story is part of our Girl Scouts roundup!

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Sinfully Delicious, Part 5

, , , , , | Friendly | September 16, 2017

(I am the cub scout leader for a group of awesome, if rambunctious, third graders. One of the requirements is that they discuss with their parents what their “Duty to God” is. They have to come up with a list of ways they can practice their beliefs, whatever those are. I am going around the room, asking what they came up with.)

Scout #1: “I put down going to Temple on high holy days.”

Me: “Excellent example!”

Scout #2: “I want to make my first communion.”

Me: “That’s another good example.”

Scout #2: “…so I can EAT GOD!”

Good Advice Is Poison To His Ears

, , , | Friendly | July 13, 2017

(Every few months or so, our troop has to clean out and organize the trailer containing our camp supplies. Some poison ivy has started growing at the back of the trailer, but it’s out of the way.)

Friend: “I’m gonna try and clear out that poison ivy.”

Scoutmaster: “You don’t need to do that. It’s out of the way, and it’s best to have a professional deal with it.”

Me: “Yeah, and you don’t want to end up catching poison ivy… again!”

Friend: “I have gloves and clippers. I’m not gonna touch it.”

Scoutmaster: “That doesn’t matter. You can still catch it if it gets on your clothes.”

Friend: “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”

(Whenever he gets his mind set on things like this, it’s almost impossible to try and talk him out of it.)

Me: *sigh* “Your funeral.”

(He managed to clear out the poison ivy, while I tried to stay away from him. After we’re back home, I noticed I’m starting to breakout. I called him up to yell at him only for his mother to inform me that he was far worse. He ended up missing school for a couple of days because it got all over his face, causing his eyes to swell shut.)