Customer Service Requires You To Be A Customer

, , , | Right | December 20, 2018

(I am checking a woman out after an extended weekend stay. She has had a meal each night at the restaurant, and a day at the spa. She has elected to pay at the end of her stay.)

Me: “And that will be an additional £188.56 on top of your booking.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “£188.56.”

Customer: “For what?”

Me: “Your meals and spa day.”

Customer: “Isn’t that meant to be taken off with the deposit.”

Me: “The deposit is deducted from your room charge. These are additional, for your restaurant tab and spa day.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not paying for ‘additional’ things your hotel offers. That’s bad business management. Haven’t you ever heard of ‘customer service’?”

Me: “Yes, madam. It comes just after the part where ‘the customer is expected to pay for services used.’”

(She exploded into a half-hour rant that my manager came in on around halfway, having heard the entire conversation which proceeded it. She eventually paid but said that she would be calling our main office to complain. We heard nothing for a good while until a rumour made its way down to us about a woman who tried to make a complaint, but she was so incoherent the person taking the call was eventually forced to hang up.)

I’ll Have A Vodka And Nope

, , , , , | Right | December 12, 2018

(I work in a traditional pub in a tourist and university town. It is nearly closing time on a Friday night and everyone in the bar, other than my colleague and me, is very drunk.)

Customer: “I’ll have half a pint of cider, a rum and coke, a house vodka and lemonade, and an [Expensive Vodka] and Coke.”

Me: “Sure!”

(I pour the drinks and hand them to him. We do not have enough [Expensive Vodka] left in the bottle for a full measure, but since it is almost enough, and I know the man to be a local who works at a pub down the road, I pour him the drink, anyway, and don’t charge him for it.)

Me: “That’ll be £8.80—”

Customer: “What?! You can shove that price right up your a***!”

(I am quite taken aback; though visiting customers sometimes complain about the price, they are never this rude, and the prices in the bar where the customer works are significantly higher than ours. Struggling to keep my temper, I look him dead in the eyes.)

Me: “Well, that’s a shame, since your actual bill would have been a lot higher had I not knocked the price of [Expensive Vodka] off your bill…”

(He paid silently and shuffled away with his drinks.)

We’re About To Get A Wine-r

, , , , | Right | December 9, 2018

(I work in a low-budget supermarket. I am stacking the alcohol aisle while also being in charge of the self-checkout machines right next to me. I live in the highlands of Scotland where a lot of English people have relocated. An elderly English couple approaches me; I can immediately tell they are snobby. The lady of the couple approaches me while I am putting away an immense amount of alcohol.)

Customer: “Do you have the recommended wine from the August 2015 edition of ‘Home & Country’ magazine?”

Me: “Do you know the name of the wine?”

Customer: “No, why should I? You work here; you should know!”

Me: “Why should I know what third parties recommend from our products?”

Customer: *looking angry and huffing her breath loudly* “Well, you do work here, don’t you?! You should know these things! Have you not even been trained on what wines people would like to know about?”

(The self-service tills have started to bell for me to help the customers. We also do not get training on third-party recommendations, as that would be ridiculous; we just put out what we get sent.)

Me: “No, we do not. How would I be able to know every third-party recommendation? That is like you saying, ‘Do you have the wine my friend Mable told me about at the church bake sale?’ I have to go help at the self-checkouts now; I will be right back.”

(I go to help the other customers while she is left gaping and turning to her husband to complain. I come back after a few minutes to see them both still standing there, glaring at me.)

Me: “Did you find the wine yet? Or remember anything about it so I can actually help you?”

Customer: “Of course I haven’t! This would not happen if we were in England! Get me your manager.”

Me: “Lady, if that is what you prefer—” *points south* “—England is that way. Go back there if that’s what you prefer.”

(I left, with her now hurling abuse about how all Scottish people are inbred and cannot speak properly. I got my manager, and explained everything while we were walking up to the couple. We get a lot of these type of people coming in with ridiculous requests. My manager told them exactly what I said about third-party recommendations, and that if they didn’t like what we had, then maybe they should go back to England. The customer grabbed her husband, leaving her shopping trolley full, and stormed out the store. My manager and I just laughed when she was gone. We get far too many of these for it to be out of the norm.)

Laura: The Last Airbender

, , , , , | Working | December 6, 2018

(I’ve just ordered a coffee and have been asked to provide my name for to be called out.)

Me: “Laura.”

Cashier: “How is that spelled?”

Me: “L.”

Cashier: “K.”

Me: “No, L as in ‘Lima.’”

Cashier: “That doesn’t start with a K.”

Me: “I know. It starts with an L.”

(She shrugged and wrote something down on the cup. Several minutes went by and everyone’s name except my own was called, until there were no customers waiting. I asked about my order and the same cashier presented my cup. When I looked on the cup, my name was spelled “Korra.” I can’t remember if I heard it being called, but it sounded familiar enough that I Googled it. It’s from an “Avatar: The Last Airbender” spinoff. I guess the cashier was a fan.)

Misogyny Abhors A Vacuum

, , , , | Right | December 2, 2018

(My store has wooden platforms covered in carpet to display stock on. My male manager and I, a female, have just pulled one out of storage to prep for display. My manager plugs the vacuum cleaner in and starts cleaning. He’s interrupted by a tap on the shoulder.)

Customer: *points at me* “Shouldn’t that be her job?”

Manager: “Not really, no.”

Customer: “But vacuuming is woman’s work!”

(The kicker? The customer was female.)

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