Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 17

, , , , | Right | May 27, 2020

I am working the tills on a busy Saturday afternoon and next in line is a young male customer. After saying hello, he hands me over a copy of a game guide for a popular video game. He has his receipt.

Customer: “I’d like to return this, please.”

Me: “Of course, was there anything wrong with it?”

As I am saying this, I look at the guide and check the receipt.

Customer: “No, there is nothing wrong. I finished the game and I don’t need this anymore.”

I realise the receipt is from almost eighteen months ago.

Me: “I’m sorry, you want to return the item that you bought eighteen months ago, because you have used it and no longer need it?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “And was it satisfactory? Did it help you complete the game?”

Customer: “Yes. But I don’t need it now, so I want to return it. The receipt is there.”

Me: “I appreciate that the receipt is there, but you yourself just said there was nothing wrong with the product and it has quite clearly been used. I can’t refund you; I’m sorry.” 

Customer: “But I have the receipt and I don’t need it anymore.”

Me: “Yes, I realise this, but you cannot return items once you have finished using them. If you didn’t want to keep this, then you should have borrowed one from a library. We are not a library; we are a shop.”

Customer: “But I have the receipt. I should get a refund.”

Me: “You bought it, you used it, and it was fit for purpose; therefore, I have no legal obligation to return this. That is what ‘buying’ something means; it means you buy it and you keep it.”

During this whole conversation, he is looking at me like I am crazy. 

Customer: “I don’t understand why I can’t get a refund.”

Me: “Because you bought it and used it. If it was still sealed in plastic and had a barcode I might have accepted the return then, but there is nothing wrong with this. You have used it. We are not a library or a second-hand store. We do not do trade-ins. I can’t refund this item for you.”

The customer is just staring at me blankly.

Me: “Can I help you with anything else?”

He just took the guide back and walked out.

Related:
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 16
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 15
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 14

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Filing This Idea Away For Later

, , , , , | Working | May 20, 2020

My friend keeps getting calls from those accident telemarketers. One day, she takes a call when I am there.

Caller: “I can see you were in an accident that wasn’t your fault, [Friend].”

My friend bursts into tears.

Friend: “If you know about it, you’ll know that [Friend] died in that accident!”

The caller hung up. My friend didn’t get any more calls.

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They Don’t Understand How The Competitive Market Works

, , , | Right | May 19, 2020

I work for a major supermarket call center. I overhear a conversation between a colleague of mine and a customer.

Customer: “I have an issue with an item I bought from [Supermarket].”

Staff Member: “This is [Other Supermarket].”

Customer: “Well, surely there must be something you can do?”

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We Really Hope These Are Not All The Same Customer

, , , , , | Right | May 13, 2020

I have been working in hospitality for twelve years and have stumbled across many hilarious and terrible customers in my time. The best ones ask the stupid questions, though.

Customer #1: “What’s the difference between the cold Guinness and regular Guinness?” 

Customer #2: “What’s in a Bailey’s Latte?”

Customer #3: “I’d like to order a pizza, please.”

Me: “We don’t sell pizzas here.”

Customer #3: “You do!”

The customer points to the menu where it says, “Panini.”

Customer #4: “Are there nuts in the pecan chocolate brownies?”

Customer #5: “I’d like a chicken tequila masala!”

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Can’t String Together What He Wants

, , , , | Right | May 11, 2020

Customer: “Can you show me a rhythm guitar, please?”

Me: “I’m sorry, there’s no such thing. Rhythm guitar is the role you play in a band or group, not the type of guitar.”

Customer: “You’re such an idiot. Of course, you can find rhythm guitars! They have four strings instead of six!”

Me: “I think you mean a bass guitar.”

Customer: “No, a bass guitar is what you play with your foot on the drum kit.”

Me: “That’s bass drum, not bass guitar.”

The customer is suddenly blushing as people around him are laughing.

Customer: “Okay, so can I check a rhythm guitar, please?”

Me: “Do you mean a six-string one?”

Customer: “No, that’s a lead guitar; rhythm guitars have four strings!”

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