Their Comprehension Is Cassini-Teeny-Weeny

, , , , , | Friendly | September 20, 2017

(It is the day before the Cassini space probe is scheduled to finish its mission and dive into Saturn, and some of us have been talking about it at the office, when [Coworker #1] walks by.)

Coworker #1: “It’s finally getting to Saturn? And they’re going to crash right into it?”

Me: “No. It’s been there a long time, taking pictures of the planet and its moons.”

Coworker #2: “It was launched in 1997, arrived at Saturn in 2004, and it’s been orbiting there ever since.”

Coworker #1: *entirely serious* “Oh, right. Gotcha. So… is it manned?”

Everyone In Earshot: *long, incredulous silence*

Coworker #2: “No.”

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You’re In Hot Water Now

, , , , | Working | January 25, 2017

(I work at a hotel. It is a cold winter’s day, and a window happens to freeze up.)

Me: “We need to scrape it off; I’ll get the scraper.”

Coworker: “Can’t we just melt it with hot water?”

Me: ”No, the water would just freeze.”

Coworker: “But it’s hot water.”

Me: “It still freezes; I’ll get the scraper.”

(I go to get the scraper and come back seeing my coworker pouring hot water on the ice.)

Me: “What are you doing?!”

Coworker: “I’m melting the ice.”

Me: “I told you not to!”

Coworker: “But it’ll melt faster!”

(Thermodynamics happened; melting didn’t.)

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A Flawed Eggs-periment

, | Learning | July 14, 2015

(It’s our last science lesson of the term, and because we have nothing better to do, we are told to make something out of a limited number of items that will protect an egg from damage when dropped from various heights,(15m, 20m, and 25m, roughly). This occurs after my pair’s egg survives all three.)

Me: *holding the parachute out at arms’ length* “How funny would it be if Eggbert survived all that, and then ‘died’ when I dropped him from this height?”

Partner: “Go ahead, it’s your design.”

Me: *drops egg*

(I hear a crunching noise when the cup the egg was in hits the ground and, surprise, surprise; the egg broke.)

Me: “Eggbert!” *clenching fists and looking towards the ceiling* “NOOOOOOOO!”

Science Teacher: “[My Name], we had prizes for things like ‘Best Landing’, and ‘Best Craft’, but I think you get a prize just for ‘Most Emotional Attachment to the Egg.'”

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