(I am a software engineer. I’ve just accepted a contract for work in my hometown and am traveling back for the first time in a decade. I don’t use social media so no one there really knows what I’ve been up to unless I was close to them. While doing basic research for the contract while on my flight, the client’s name sounds familiar, and basic snooping reveals she’s the mother of a former classmate. Thinking I can have a chuckle with the client later, I brush it aside and don’t even notice a familiar face checking me into the hotel later.)

Former Classmate: “Okay, so I have a room for [My Name]… Wait. Are you [My Name] that went to [School]?”

Me: “Huh? Oh, s***! [Former Classmate]?! Oh, h*** no… Someone has to be pranking me right now.”

Former Classmate: “Well, that’s not what I’d expect after not seeing me since high school!”

Me: “Sorry. You’re just the last person I expected to run into randomly while I was in town for work. I didn’t even know you got into the hotel business.”

Former Classmate: “That’s fair enough. What are you doing for work, then?”

Me: “Oh, this and that. I go wherever they send me and do what I need to do really.”

(We talk for a good half hour, catching up on what’s been happening in town and what mutual friends are up to.)

Former Classmate: “I hope you enjoy your time back in town! Maybe we can grab dinner and get a bunch of us back together!”

Me: “Sounds fun! Hope it doesn’t get weird, though. I’m in town to see your mom! Ha!”

(I walk away while she gives me a look of horror. I think nothing of it, but she seems to avoid me for the entire time I’m there. A few days before I leave, her mom takes me out to a fancy dinner for my work — a common thing — and brings me back to the hotel. When she learns where I’m staying, she tells me about her daughter. I tell her I’m a former classmate, and she decides to come in and have a laugh with her daughter about it.)

Former Classmate: *seeing us walk in* “OH, GOD, MOM! PLEASE, NOT WHERE I WORK!”

Client: “What? I just wanted to say hi and bring [My Name] back to his hotel.”

Former Classmate: “DO YOU HAVE TO F*** EVERY GUY I’M ATTRACTED TO?!”

Me: “Whoa! Wait, what?!”

Client: “IS THIS THE CLASSMATE YOU HAD A CRUSH ON ALL THOSE YEARS?!”

Me: “WHAT?!”

([Former Classmate] ran to the back crying. Turns out, my client was a cougar and she and her daughter had very similar taste in men. When I told her I was here to “see your mom,” she thought I was a male prostitute and couldn’t bring herself to look at me. After her manager brought her back out, I showed her my business card to prove I was NOT sleeping with her mom.)

I am a speaker brought in to talk about bullying in the elementary school after the fourth grade has had multiple problems with it. I have three assemblies this morning: first grade, second and third grades, and fourth and fifth grades. During the second and third grade assembly, I am going through my usual points, and I ask, “How many of you know someone with a disability?” My followup question was going to be about whether or not they treat them just like everyone else, within reason.

I see two girls near the middle row both sticking up their hands, one blonde-haired and one black-haired, and I choose the blonde. She rises to speak and I see that she is a double amputee, missing an arm from near the shoulder and a leg from near the hip — she is wearing a prosthetic. I am expecting her to talk about herself, so it is quite surprising when she says, “My cousin has hearing aids ’cause she can’t hear properly, and glasses ’cause she can’t see properly, and she’s really shy about it.”

Looking proud of herself, the girl sits down. Meanwhile, the black-haired girl sitting next to her hugs the blonde and then blurts out, “Well, my best friend has one arm and one leg!”

The blonde girl gets a look that clearly says, “Oh, yeah!” on her face. Then, one boy sitting in the front row turns around and yells, “[Girl] isn’t disabled! She’s just [Girl]!” The rest of the front half of the room yells their agreement, and the black-haired girl gives the best “I’m surrounded by idiots” face I’ve ever seen from a child. I doubt that the second and third grades are going to have much trouble with bullying in the near future.

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(It’s right after PE and I’m getting changed. In our school, there is a rule that we cannot have our phones out in the locker room. Many people, often time the girls who do our Strength and Conditioning class, don’t follow this rule. Normally, it’s not a problem because they’re just checking the time, but this takes the cake. I notice that a girl has her phone out and that I don’t have a shirt on.)

Me: “Hey, [Girl], can you put away your phone?”

(She glares and turns on her phone to show that the Snapchat camera is on.)

Me: “Please put away your phone! It’s the rule!”

Girl: “Why? It’s not like it’s harming you.”

Me: “Please! Your Snapchat camera is on, and I’m not wearing a shirt! Now follow the rule and please put away your phone!”

Girl’s Friend: “Just because it’s bothering you it doesn’t mean she has to.”

(I have a bit of a phobia of people taking pictures of me without permission, and it doesn’t help that [Girl’s Friend] has her phone like she’s taking a photo.)

Me: *yelling* “PUT AWAY YOUR PHONE! PEOPLE IN HERE ARE CHANGING! I DON’T HAVE A SHIRT ON AND YOUR PHONE, [GIRL], HAD THE SNAPCHAT CAMERA OPEN!”

(Both girls put away their phones and left, giving me a disgusted sneer. I forgot about this until I was pulled out in both third and eighth periods, in which I had to see my counselor and the assistant principal. They ended up going through the girls’ phones, but didn’t find any problematic photos. The phones were then taken away. I also filled out a form which gave my description of what happened. I hope they get punished by their parents!)

(I am a huge tomboy and all of my friends from my old school were boys, so starting high school is hard for me because most of them went to all-boy schools and the high school I am going to has about five girls from my school. I am also in the advanced program, but I am very quiet. This takes place on the first day when I approach the girls that I know from my old school, who are all sitting together chatting and laughing. They go quiet as I walk past.)

Me: “Hey.”

Girl #1: “Um, yeah. Would you mind going away?”

(This shocks me because I don’t know where I am meant to be and was just going to ask for directions. I go and sit down by myself on the other side of the class and wait, considering I got in ten minutes early. A teacher passes by with a male student.)

Teacher: “Ah, it’s [My Name], right?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Teacher: “Nice to meet you, [My Name]. So… is there anything interesting you can tell me about yourself?”

Me: “Well… I know up to the twenty-fifth decimal of pi!”

Teacher: “Go ahead!”

Me: “3.1415926535897932384626433.”

Boy #1: “Wow! I only know up to the fifteenth.”

Teacher: “Wow. So, why are you both here so early?”

Boy & Me: “Oh, you know, wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey…”

(Pause.)

Boy & Me: “You watch Doctor Who!”

(All of this was said in perfect unison, as the teacher walked off to talk to other students, and we stayed there talking about our dual interest in Doctor Who, pi, and video games. And that is the story of how I met my best friend.)

(We have all taken our seats in our classroom. Our teacher always comes in several minutes late, so someone decides to start an eraser-throwing war. The eraser lands on my desk, so I pick it up and throw it across the room. I’m not aiming at anyone, but it hits one boy in the side of his nose. I’m usually one of the more quiet, stay-out-of-trouble students.)

Boy: “Who threw that?”

Me: “Uh, I did.”

Boy: *to the class* “DON’T ANYONE THROW IT TO [MY NAME]! SHE’S GOT A BLOODY GOOD AIM.”