Brownie Points For Lying

, , , , | Learning | December 22, 2015

(Usually, at the beginning of a school year, there are some activities so your peers can get to know you in some sort of way. They are mainly activities that involve telling two truths about yourself and one false while the class has to guess the false.)

Teacher: “Okay, [My Name], tell us about you.”

Me: “A.) I once found a grenade in my yard. B.) I was on a subway train in Barcelona where some thieves with a bunch of stolen purses pulled out a knife on several pursuing police officers which triggered a fight on the train. And C.) I hate brownies…”

Classmate: “Everybody loves brownies… C is false.”

(He was right.)

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Your Repo Needs No Redo

, , , | Learning | October 5, 2015

(During my senior year of high school, I volunteer to stay after school to help out the theater department by painting sets for their next production. I’m a very quiet, unassuming girl who is well known for sticking to myself and not talking much, and though I have no problems with the theater students, I only really have one friend in the group who knows me.)

Theater Student #1: “Okay, I’m tired of listening to [local radio station notorious for playing the same handful of pop songs every hour or so]. Why don’t we put on someone’s iPod or something?”

Theater Student #2: “Does anyone have anything with them?”

Friend: “[My Name] has a book of CDs in her backpack. Our art teacher lets us listen to them during class because we got sick of the radio, too.”

Theater Student #1: “Yeah, but what does [My Name] really listen to? She looks like a Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus kind of girl.”

(All of a sudden and with the best timing ever, my phone starts ringing. My ringtone is the song “Night Surgeon” from the hyper-violent musical film, “Repo! The Genetic Opera,” which I and many of the theater students are huge fans of, and no one realizes it’s coming from my phone until I answer it.)

Theater Student #1: “On second thought, I want to see these CDs now!”

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Don’t Take This Heart To Heart

, , , , | Learning | February 17, 2014

(Around Valentine’s Day, the student body sets up something in the student store where you can send a chocolate heart on a stick to another student for a dollar or two. They’ll deliver them in class over a few days in third, fourth, and fifth periods. I’m not seeing anybody.)

Delivery Student: *reading off a list of names, followed by* “[My Name]’s fat, ugly a**.”

Teacher: “[Delivery Student]! That wasn’t very nice!”

Delivery Student: “Don’t blame me. That’s what it actually says on it!” *shows her*

Teacher: “And you people just let whoever bought that write that about her.”

Delivery Student: *snidely* “Well, maybe she should try not looking like that.”

(I take the chocolate, but I recognize the delivery student’s handwriting.)

Me: “Don’t worry about it, Mrs. [Teacher]. She’s the one who wrote it. It’s not her fault she can’t come up with something creative.”

Delivery Student: “I didn’t write that, you fat loser!”

Me: “Really? You sit next to me in English and I’ve been the one peer-reviewing your last several papers. I recognize the handwriting. I know you think you’re oh-so-special and cool, but seriously, do try harder next time.”

(The teacher gave her detention and ended up having a chat with our school’s principal over the incident. They still did Valentine’s delivery next year, but they involved a teacher who checked the names written on each and every one.)

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