Can’t Erase The Evidence

, , , , , | Friendly | June 26, 2017

(I have a guy friend who sits next to me in one of my classes. He jokingly steals pencils and erasers off my desk when I’m focused on something else. He does it so often that I’ve begun to reflexively grab his arm before he takes something.)

Friend: *reaches out*

Me: *grabs arm* “What’d you steal this time?”

Friend: *pulls his arm out of my grasp, takes my hand, and kisses it* “Your heart, milady.”

Me: “Nice try. Now give me back that eraser. I know it’s under your desk.”

Friend: “F***!”

(He’s still one of my best friends.)

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Piano No No

, , , , , | Learning | November 20, 2016

(We have a musical theater program at my school so there are pianos in some of the classrooms. My class is starting, so we are all moving items left behind out of the space. I’m moving the piano, which I usually do because it moves on wheels. It tilts and falls on me.)

Classmate: *screaming bloody murder* “It fell on her! Oh, my God, the piano fell on her!”

(Apparently, one of the wheels was broken, but the previous class failed to notify anyone.)

Me: *dazed and numb* “Can someone help me? I think I’m stuck.”

Teacher: “Don’t move!”

My classmate starts lifting from the opposite end, causing more damage.

Classmate: “I got it.”

Me: “No! Stop! Please stop!”

(A couple of other classmates come and lift it from my side — common sense! My teacher and one of those classmates help me up the stairs to get bandaged up at the office. She even blows on my boo-boos before putting on the bandages.)

Teacher: “Why don’t we go back downstairs to get your stuff? I’ll get some ice for you.” *after getting back* “All right, I’ll see you tomorrow. Can you help her back to the bungalow? Rest up!”

Me: “What?! No! Please! I’ve worked really hard. Please let me stay.”

Teacher: *flabbergasted* “Um, er, oh, ok. Sure!”

(She even let me perform my monologue, albeit sitting down with a chair under my injured leg. I’ll never forget the sweet, motherly kindness and understanding of my teacher that day, the stupidity of that girl further injuring me, and my other classmate carrying me ALL the way from class to my front door, princess style!)

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Brownie Points For Lying

, , , , | Learning | December 22, 2015

(Usually, at the beginning of a school year, there are some activities so your peers can get to know you in some sort of way. They are mainly activities that involve telling two truths about yourself and one false while the class has to guess the false.)

Teacher: “Okay, [My Name], tell us about you.”

Me: “A.) I once found a grenade in my yard. B.) I was on a subway train in Barcelona where some thieves with a bunch of stolen purses pulled out a knife on several pursuing police officers which triggered a fight on the train. And C.) I hate brownies…”

Classmate: “Everybody loves brownies… C is false.”

(He was right.)

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Your Repo Needs No Redo

, , , | Learning | October 5, 2015

(During my senior year of high school, I volunteer to stay after school to help out the theater department by painting sets for their next production. I’m a very quiet, unassuming girl who is well known for sticking to myself and not talking much, and though I have no problems with the theater students, I only really have one friend in the group who knows me.)

Theater Student #1: “Okay, I’m tired of listening to [local radio station notorious for playing the same handful of pop songs every hour or so]. Why don’t we put on someone’s iPod or something?”

Theater Student #2: “Does anyone have anything with them?”

Friend: “[My Name] has a book of CDs in her backpack. Our art teacher lets us listen to them during class because we got sick of the radio, too.”

Theater Student #1: “Yeah, but what does [My Name] really listen to? She looks like a Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus kind of girl.”

(All of a sudden and with the best timing ever, my phone starts ringing. My ringtone is the song “Night Surgeon” from the hyper-violent musical film, “Repo! The Genetic Opera,” which I and many of the theater students are huge fans of, and no one realizes it’s coming from my phone until I answer it.)

Theater Student #1: “On second thought, I want to see these CDs now!”

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