Surprisingly No One Was Fired

, , , | Learning | September 12, 2017

(In my school there is always a fire drill shortly after the beginning of the school year. In my very last year, we are a class without a teacher when the drill was announced. Usually we would just leave through the door, but directly in front of our door is the “fire”, a teacher saying fire over and over again.)

Fire: *flapping arms* “Fire, fire! It’s hot; go back inside!”

Classmate #1: “But we don’t have a teacher! Are we supposed to burn?”

Fire: *thinking, shakes his head* “Bad luck! Go back!”

(We go back inside. The other escape route is a wall-door to the next classroom, which can be opened fully, and is usually opened by the teacher. So, of course, we have no idea how to open it. Since we know it is just a drill, we decide to just stay there, instead of bothering with opening the door. About half an hour later, someone knocks on the door.)

Fire: *winks* “Someone’s here to see you!”

Our Teacher: “You’re dead!”

Principal: “Would you please try to open the wall-door? I had hoped you, as the oldest, would be able to, but it doesn’t seem so.”

(We then spent another quarter hour opening the door. Our principal was new and didn’t quite believe in the effectiveness of the wall-doors in emergency situations, especially if there was no teacher available. She was right. Luckily for us, there were no real fire alarms until we were gone and new doors were installed. A fairly large amount of people had “the time we burned to death in class” quoted as funniest moment in the yearbook.)

A Habit That Never “Left” You

, , , , | Learning | September 7, 2017

When I was in high school, there was this ONE IDIOT that would always say “Hey guys, it’s snowing!”

It didn’t matter what month it was; January, June, he’d just say it.

The whole classroom of idiots would automatically turn our heads toward the window, and it was never snowing. So, we’d throw pencils at him and tell him to shut up.

A few years later, I went to university and that ONE IDIOT was in my class. In the middle of the lecture he said, “Hey guys, it’s snowing.” And we all (idiots) automatically turned our heads to the left to see if there was snow.

There were two problems with that.

One: It was September, and the temperature outside was in the mid-80s.

Two: This classroom had no windows.

Not only that, but for some reason, ALL OF US automatically looked toward the left side of the room for the same non-existent window.

So, we threw pencils at him and told him to shut up.

When Sax-ing Is Taxing

, , , , | Learning | September 5, 2017

(I sometimes volunteer my time to teach kids how to play the saxophone. I’ve been playing the instrument for almost seven years, and have learned many music techniques. I am helping a kid, who’s about thirteen years old, with the basics of playing, and up until now she has been very polite to me.)

Me: “All right. The first thing to do is to press these two fingers down for A for four counts.”

Kid: “SHUT UP! I know how to play this instrument.”

(She then takes the saxophone from me and begins to play the wrong notes.)

Me: “That’s not the right note. You need to press down those—”

Kid: “I KNOW how to play! I bet you don’t even play this instrument!”

Me: *trying to stay polite* “Actually, I’ve played for many years and—”

Kid: “LIAR!”

Me: *still trying to stay polite* “I can assure you that—”

(Before I could finish the sentence, she threw the saxophone at my head and stormed out, talking about quitting this instrument and music altogether. Luckily, she had terrible aim, but the sax was extremely damaged. We had to call her parents in order to repair it. Sadly, they were just like her, though we did get them to repair it eventually.)

Well, That’s Today’s Lesson Down The Drain

, , , | Learning | September 2, 2017

(A very young, sweet student comes up to me while the kids are coming in from recess.)

Student: “Ms. [Name], here!” *hands me a very long, slightly damp twig/reed thing*

Me: “Oh, um, thank you, [Student]!”

Student: “I found it in the toilet!”

You’ll Have To Forgive Mrs. Lannister

, , , , , | Friendly | September 1, 2017

(We have rented a four bedroom house, but I have found that a couple of the rooms have a damp problem, so I have put my five-year-old daughter and two-year-old son into the same bedroom. I am discussing how damp the rooms are with a couple of the mothers at the school.)

Me: “I’ve had to put the kids into the same bedroom, because it’s the only dry room”

Mother #1: “You have a boy and girl don’t you?”

Me: “Yes, [Daughter] and [Son].”

Mother #1: “That’s disgusting.”

Me: “What is?”

Mother #1: “Putting a girl and boy in the same bedroom, it’s disgusting.”

Mother #2: “What’s so disgusting about it?”

Mother #1: “It’s not natural, they could do things.”

Me: “They are two and five years old. There’s nothing wrong with it; they aren’t going to do anything.”

Mother #1: “You are just encouraging incest. You’re disgusting; I don’t want to be around you.” *walks off, leaving the other mother and I just staring after her, stunned*

Mother #2: “I’m glad I didn’t mention that my daughter always jumps in the bath with my sons.”

Me: “Me, too.”

Page 6/112First...45678...Last
« Previous
Next »