Wheat Do You Think You’re Doing?!

| Campbell, CA, USA | Learning | May 20, 2017

(My son is starting first grade at a parent participation school. He has a wheat allergy, so I bought expensive gluten-free flour and dusted off the bread machine. After school, a parent comes up to me.)

Volunteer: “Hi, I was working lunch duty today. Your son’s sandwich was covered with mold, so I threw it away.”

Me: “What? That can’t be.”

Volunteer: “It was covered with white powdery mold. I didn’t want him to get sick… You’re welcome…”

(After getting home, I realized the bread maker hadn’t mixed in all the flour, and there was splotches of unmixed flour on the crust. I’m not sure what I felt worse about: that a well-intentioned volunteer had thrown away an hour’s work and a $7 peanut butter and jelly sandwich, or that she thought I would send my son to school with a moldy sandwich.)

Time To Assay The Essay Situation, Part 8

| England, UK | Learning | May 16, 2017

(We have been doing a group project. It is separated into two parts. We hand in the completed project together as part one, and a 3,000 word essay separately as part two. Our results are given out individually. One of my best friends and partners on the project comes up to me after the results are given out.)

Friend: “Why did I fail and you pass?”

Me: “I don’t know. It must have been from the essay portion.”

Friend: “But we all handed it in together.”

Me: “No, we handed the project in together, but the write up was meant to be done separately.”

Friend: *thoroughly aghast* “So you’re telling me you let me fail so you could pass!”

Me: “Where the h*** did you get that from? Did you even hand the essay in?”

Friend: “I didn’t do it because you–” *prods my chest* “–were supposed to.”

Me: “You wanted me to write 3,000 words for my own essay, then write yours?”

Friend: “THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS DO!” *storms away*

(We were in a group of five, and she was the only one who didn’t submit the essay. I asked around afterwards and I was the only one who got that treatment from her. We are still friends years later, but she is bitter about it and still blames me for her failure, expecting me to make it up to her. It has put a tension on our friendship and we barely talk unless it is in person. I don’t even have her number saved to my phone.)

Related:
Time To Assay The Essay Situation, Part 7
Time To Assay The Essay Situation, Part 6
Time To Assay The Essay Situation, Part 5

Only The Joke Matt-ered

| Canada | Learning | May 16, 2017

(I am running a gym lesson for kids and we just finished playing four-mat tag, which involves running to certain mats around the room.)

Me: “All right guys, our time is up. We have to make sure all the mats are put away in the closet and the gym is spick-and-span before we leave.”

(The kids help with clean up when I notice one of them is missing.)

Me: “Has anyone seen Matt?”

Kid: “He was putting the mats away.”

(I walk over to the room where we put the mats and notice him standing in there.)

Me: “Matt, what are you doing?”

Matt: “You said all the Matts had to go in here.”

(Well played, child. Well played. I couldn’t even get mad at him for wasting time; it was too good of a joke.)

A Challenge Not To Laugh

| Hampshire, England, UK | Learning | May 14, 2017

(We are in a maths class, and we are supposed to say what types of pairs of angles are being displayed on the whiteboard. One of the best students in the class puts his hand up and is chosen. The answer is “vertically opposite angles.”)

Classmate: “Vertically challenged angles!”

(Class-wide hilarity.)

A School Period Like No Other

| UK | Learning | May 11, 2017

(Everything has been completely normal until:)

Boy: *delirious and pale* “SIR, CAN I GO TO THE BATHROOM!?”

(The teacher looks extremely worried, but lets him. When he stands up, though, he collapses before he reaches full height. The teacher and several students run over.)

Girl: “OH, MY GOD, HE’S ON HIS PERIOD!”

(We all look, and it indeed looks like he is having a period, with the liquid running from his crotch appearing red against the linoleum. The teacher calls for an ambulance and he’s taken away with an extremely low heart rate. We later found out that the boy tried to circumcise himself after learning about it in his previous lesson. While we don’t know the extent of the damage he caused, he seemed to make a full recovery. Before it was revealed though, half the boys in my year started buying tampons expecting it to happen to them. Then, after, all the sharp utensils had to be hidden for fear someone else would try it. There was a lot of stupidity in my year. I don’t know how I turned out so normal.)

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