Taking Your Grade Up A J-Peg

| Germany | Learning | May 2, 2017

(Part of the Spanish finals in my school is an oral exam at the end of the year. While most of it is actually pretty easy, the last part of the exam is universally feared by all students. Each session of his class the teacher has given us a short presentation about something significant in the Spanish speaking world, like a political or historical figure, a place, regional holiday or event. In the exam he then shows every student 15 random pictures out of those presentations which the student then has to recall and name. Because it’s almost impossible to know all of the 300+ pictures and you have to get 99 or 100% to get an ‘A’, virtually nobody gets one.)

Teacher: “Okay, that went great so far. Now for the final part of this exam. Please correctly name the pictures which I’ll project onto the wall. Ready?”

(He proceeds to project a picture onto the wall from his computer:)

Me: “This is… La-Lonja-De-La-Seda-Sevilla.jpg”

Teacher: “Correc… Wait, what did you say?”

Me: “La-Lonja-De-La-Seda-Sevilla.jpg. You can see the answer in the file name in the title bar of the picture…”

Teacher: “S***! I never thought of that! Well, I’m not exactly tech-savvy. Do you know, if you can rename files on a CD?”

Me: “I’m afraid not. That only works with rewritable CDs and you probably didn’t use one…”

Teacher: “No, I don’t think so… s***!” *I can clearly see how he’s starting to panic*

Me: “May I? I’ve got two ideas here.”

(I go to the computer and show him both, either copying the files to the desktop and renaming them there or how he can make a paused full-screen slideshow which not only will cover the file name but also randomly shuffle the pictures. He seems extremely relieved.)

Teacher: “Wow, thank you so much! I would never have thought of that!” *looking at his watch* “But we’re also out of time now. You know what? I don’t see why I should punish you for your honesty and help. You could’ve just read out the file names and I wouldn’t even have noticed. If you promise me you won’t tell anybody of what happened, I’ll mark down that you got 15 out of 15 correct. Agreed?”

(And that’s the story why I’m the only student with an ‘A’ in this oral Spanish exam in over five years.)

An Irresponsible Answer

| UK | Learning | May 1, 2017

(I can’t find my PE kit and go to see if I left it in the changing rooms. I can’t see it but find the teacher wandering around.)

Me: “I can’t find my PE kit. Have you seen it anywhere?”

Teacher: “We’re not responsible.”

Me: “I’m sure, but have you seen it?”

Teacher: “We’re not responsible if your things go missing.”

Me: “I didn’t say you were. I just wondered if you’d seen it lying around. Or if there’s a lost property bin somewhere?”

Teacher: “We’re not responsible.”

Me: “Listen carefully. I’m not trying to blame you. I’m just asking if you could help me find it.”

Teacher: “We’re not responsible!”

Pay Her The Green For Noticing The Green

| UK | Learning | April 27, 2017

(I have been feeling ill all day, but since we have an important exam, I decide to just bite the bullet. It is just after lunch, about half an hour before the exam, and we are all filing into the exam room to wait.)

Teacher: “[My Name], you’re green! Are you all right?”

Me: *trying to not to sound it* “I’m fine. Just a little under the weather.”

Teacher: “I think you can do better than that. You’re the colour of algae!”

(She disappeared for a couple of minutes and I sat down. She came back with my tutor and bit his head off, demanding I be sent home. I managed a weak protest, but secretly I was thankful. She arranged to have me sit the exam next week. I had four lessons that day, each with a different teacher. I was also seen by many other teachers during the day, but she was the only one who paid any interest and the first time a teacher at that school showed genuine concern. Whatever they’re paying her, it doesn’t come close to what she’s actually worth.)

Just Your Lucking Luck

| NC, USA | Learning | April 25, 2017

(I always had the reputation of being very innocent and naive; this unfortunately means that my classmates often get a kick out of manipulating me. This particular story takes place in sixth grade. I’ve finished my work and am idly looking at the bulletin board behind me where I see something that confuses me.)

Me: “What’s ‘Luck you’ mean?”

Classmate: “Try putting a “F” at the beginning?”

Me: “F*** you?””

(The teacher hears me and storms over.)

Teacher: “[My Name], what did you just say?”

Me: “F*** you.”

(I then get dragged to the principal’s office and suspended for a week. My mom is not happy about this and goes to the school.)

Mom: “[My Name] didn’t mean any harm. She didn’t know what she was saying.”

Principal: “There’s no way a 12-year-old couldn’t know what that word means.”

Mom: *indignant* “Excuse me; my 12-year-old doesn’t know that word and I worked very hard to ensure that.”

(They eventually changed the punishment to a shorter suspension and an essay but refused to remove it completely. To add insult to injury, I later found out my classmate did it on purpose, instead of not realizing what she was getting me into like I had always believed, and got away with it because she was a local golden girl.)

Giving Birth To Pure Irony

| Finland | Learning | April 21, 2017

(In our singing class, we are singing a traditional Finnish song about a young woman who accidentally becomes pregnant. Our teacher is trying to play a recording of the song from a streaming music service, but the service shows an advertisement before plays the song.)

Teacher: “Oh, I have to watch an ad… for Clearblue ovulation predictor.”

Class: *cracks up laughing*

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