Home Doesn’t Always Work

| Midlands, UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, School, Top

(I am a year 5 class teacher. I’m dismissing my class of nine and ten year olds at the end of the day when a mother approaches me.)

Mother: “My son’s not been doing his homework!”

Me: “I know. He hasn’t handed his homework in for several weeks now.”

Mother: “Well, I’m not very happy about this!”

Me: “No, nor am I.”

Mother: “So, what are you going to do about it?”

Me: “I can’t make him do his homework. His homework is to be completed at home.”

Mother: “Why?”

Needlessly Needy

| New York, NY, USA | Family & Kids, Money

(I work for a private school which caters mostly to academically talented urban youth. Years ago, the school was not as diverse as the school is now; many of our students received substantial scholarships due to coming from low income households.)

Me: “Good morning. What can I do for you today?”

Parent: “I’m here to see the Director! You people have been overcharging me for years! *slams a thick folder on my desk* “These are all my statements and checks proving you’ve been cheating me!”

Me: “Can you give me your name and the student’s name so I can look up your account, please?”

(The parent gives me the information and I look up the account.)

Me: “Ms. [parent’s name], your son graduated in June 2002. That was almost 10 years ago.”

Parent: “And? You took my money! I hear students are only charged $500 a year to go here, but I was charged thousands! THOUSANDS!”

Me: “Please calm down. Let me explain: we have always given need-based scholarships to low income students, and—”

Parent: “We are low income, but you charged me the full tuition anyway! I want my money back TODAY!”

Me: “Ms. [parent’s name], according to our notations your average total gross household income during your son’s tenure with us averaged around $170,000 a year.”

Parent: “…AND?”

Me: “Well, students who receive low tuitions through need-based and academic scholarships tend to come from extremely low income backgrounds. Off the top of my head, I believe some of the students who fall under need based-scholarships average gross household incomes of only $20,000 a year.”

Parent: “You f***ing liar! Nobody makes so little money! I want to see the f***ing director, right f***ing now!”

(She ended up seeing the director, who did not give her money back but offered her a lower tuition rate for when her youngest child is old enough to attend our school. When that day comes, I plan to work elsewhere.)

Someone Needs To Tone It Down

| USA | Bizarre

(I am a student teacher at a high school. A man I have dubbed “Lord of the Copy Room” is a pretty grumpy guy who has specific ways that “his” copy machines should be used. Unbeknownst to me, this particular machine is only for jobs up to 30 copies.)

Me: *makes 35 copies*

Him: “Excuse me! How many copies did you just make?!”

Me: “Uh, um, a class set, so 35 copies.”

Him: *taps the machine* “That copier is for 30 copies and below! Don’t you know that?!”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. I’ll use the other one.”

Him: “It’s all right. I can tell you’re new. Just remember! Copies make the world go round! Don’t you love the smell of toner?!” *scampers off*