(A student who has missed class and calls me a day later to explain her absence.)
Student: “I need to take the quiz I missed yesterday.”
Me: “Remember, quizzes cannot be made up.”
Student: “I missed class yesterday because my son is sick.”
Little voice in the background: “Momma, I’m sick?”
(I teach college computer courses part time. I am introducing my students, who are 18-60 or so, to Windows and a GUI for the first time.)
Me: “Okay, everyone use your mouse to point at the icon and double-click on it. Once in the program, go ahead with the exercise.”
(A student raises a hand.)
Me: “Something not working?”
Student: “The mouse doesn’t seem to work. I point at the icon and double-click and nothing happens.”
Me: “That’s strange. Try it right now and let’s see what happens.”
(The student grabs the mouse, picks it up off the desk and points it at the icon like a gun and double clicks.)
Student: “See? Isn’t that little arrow supposed to follow too? Anyway, it’s broken, doesn’t work.”
Me: “Ah, well, see you actually use the mouse here on the mouse-pad like this.” *I demonstrate*
Student: “Oh my, I get it now!” *grabs the mouse and successfully launches the program*
(A few minutes go by as the students are working on the exercise, the same student raises a hand.)
Me: “Getting along with the exercise okay?”
Student: “I was, but now I need a bigger mouse pad.”
Me: “Why would that be?”
Student: “Well look at it. I have the mouse all the way to the right side of the mouse-pad, but I need to make the arrow go even further to the right on the screen. I need a bigger mouse-pad.”
Me: “Well, you can pick the mouse up–”
Student: “You told me not to do that.”
Me: “Right, but in this case–”
Student: “You’re confusing me.”
Me: “Let me see if we have a bigger mouse-pad…”
(One of my students was absent the day of a test and she has had just handed it in.)
Me: “Okay, class. Now that [name] has done the test, I can give you them back.”
(I hand out the test papers.)
Student: “Where’s mine?”
Me: “You just did yours today. I’ll have it back to you tomorrow.”
Student: “But you just said!”
Me: “How was I supposed to mark it in 5 minutes?”
Student: *completely serious* “Doesn’t it just automatically mark itself?”
Customer: “I would like to cancel my appointment for a tutor at 1:30.”
Me: “You are not booked for 1:30.”
Customer: “Oh, okay. Can I make a appointment for 1:30 then?”
Me: “Didn’t you just say you want to cancel it?”
Customer: “Don’t I need to have a appointment first to cancel it?”
(The phone rings five minutes before the end of the school day.)
Parent: *very distressed* “You’ll have to help me, please help!”
Me: “What on earth has happened? How can I help?”
Parent: “It’s an emergency! There’s been a disaster! You have to help me!”
Me: “Calm down and tell me what has happened. I’ll do my best to help”.
Parent: “I can’t get there to pick up [name of her child]. It’s an emergency!”
Me: “Don’t worry about her, I’ll keep an eye on her here at school. She can come home with me if need be. Is there anything else can do? What has happened?”
Parent: “It’s my hair, it’s turned out orange!”
