Do They Understand How The Mail Works?

, , , , , | Right | May 15, 2020

I get a lot of weird questions working at a school reception, but this one takes the biscuit for me.

Me: “Good morning, [School].”

Caller: “How do I make sure that something goes to the admin office?”

Me: “If you wish to get in touch with our administrators, I can happily provide the central email address.”

Caller: “No! How do I make sure that post goes to the basement office?”

Her tone is getting irate, and I’m worried that something so obvious sounding is going to upset her.

Me: “As long as the post has an addressee on the front, it will be handed to that person.”

Caller: “So, if I address it to [Finance Officer], it will definitely go to her?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Caller: “How can you be sure?”

Me: “I am the one who sorts the school’s post, ma’am.”

Caller: “So, if it is addressed to [Finance Officer], you will give it to her yourself?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “It will be sent special delivery for tomorrow; make sure you hand it to her!” *Click*

It arrived two days after the call came in.

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Schooling The Secretary On Her Paperwork Skills

, , , , , | Working | May 14, 2020

I move to Texas in 2009. Everyone says I will get a teaching position easily, since I teach math. However, jobs are not forthcoming.

I finally get an interview with a school after applying on their district’s website. The interview is on a Thursday, so I am not expecting any news until the following week. Also, schools rarely call back candidates who they do not hire.

On Tuesday morning the next week, I get a call at home. My phone identifies it as the school, so I’m excited to answer.

Me: “Hello?”

Secretary: “Hello, Mr. [My Name]. This is [High School] in [District]. We’d like to schedule you for an interview. Would you be available tomorrow morning?”

I’m thinking it is a second interview to meet more staff.

Me: “Oh, that’d be great. Is there anything extra you’d like me to bring to this second interview?”

Secretary: *Pause* “Second interview?”

Me: “I interviewed with your principal last Thursday.”

Secretary: “Oh… Never mind.” *Click*

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But Did You Win?

, , , , | Friendly | May 14, 2020

I’m an American working as an English teacher in China. I’m a somewhat small man of only 5’5″ and 155 pounds… Wow, that’s a lot of fives. Anyway, I am a tiny, tiny man and one of my coworkers is a very large Romanian man who is a big fitness buff. He is strong enough to lift me up with one arm without any difficulty.

I decide to joke around with him in the office one day. I put my left elbow down on the desk.

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], let’s arm wrestle.”

He looks at my poised left arm.

Coworker: “I’m not left-handed.”

Me: “Oh, good! Then I have the advantage!”

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Please Keep Off Of The Grass, Shine Your Shoes, Wipe Your… Face

, , , , , , | Learning | May 5, 2020

I’m in the room reading a book while my five-year-old niece is on a Zoom call with her kindergarten class. Her teacher is asking her students for ways to keep the Earth clean because it’s Earth Day. 

All of a sudden, I hear one little boy go, “Shave your grass!”

He meant “mow the lawn,” but I am definitely using his phrasing from now on.

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The Teacher Isn’t The Smartest Cookie, But She Sure Is Sweet

, , , , , | Learning | May 5, 2020

I am a teaching assistant in an elementary school. My name is extremely uncommon and also happens to be spelled almost exactly like a popular cookie brand. I’m used to people joking about it and don’t really mind.

A few days before classes start, all the faculty meet at the school for orientation, and afterward, I spend a few hours helping my partner teacher set up the classroom.

Teacher: “So, how do you pronounce your name?”

Me: “[My Name].”

Teacher: “Okay, gotcha. Good thing you have a name tag!”

Me: “Yeah, I feel like many of the younger kids will have trouble pronouncing it, but it’s fine.”

On the first day of school…

Teacher: “Welcome, class! My name is Mrs. [Teacher], and this is Ms. [Cookie Brand].”

Me: “Actually, it’s Ms. [My Name].”

Teacher: “Whoops! Sorry about that.”

Day two…

Teacher: “Ms. [Cookie Brand], can you please collect these papers?”

Me: “Sure. But it’s Ms. [My Name].”

Teacher: “Right! Sorry, sorry. I’ll remember that.”

Day three…

Teacher: “It’s time to line up for recess! Please form a neat line behind Ms. [Cookie Brand].”

Students: “It’s Ms. [My Name]!”

Teacher: “Oh, no. I got it wrong again, didn’t I?”

I thought it was pretty hilarious, but the teacher honestly felt bad that she kept messing up my name. The next week, she brought me a bag of those cookies, but she had covered the brand name with masking tape and written the correct spelling of my name in all caps. Most people who mess up my name just keep saying it incorrectly, but she made a huge effort to use the correct pronunciation after that.

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