Only The Joke Matt-ered

| Canada | Learning | May 16, 2017

(I am running a gym lesson for kids and we just finished playing four-mat tag, which involves running to certain mats around the room.)

Me: “All right guys, our time is up. We have to make sure all the mats are put away in the closet and the gym is spick-and-span before we leave.”

(The kids help with clean up when I notice one of them is missing.)

Me: “Has anyone seen Matt?”

Kid: “He was putting the mats away.”

(I walk over to the room where we put the mats and notice him standing in there.)

Me: “Matt, what are you doing?”

Matt: “You said all the Matts had to go in here.”

(Well played, child. Well played. I couldn’t even get mad at him for wasting time; it was too good of a joke.)

A Challenge Not To Laugh

| Hampshire, England, UK | Learning | May 14, 2017

(We are in a maths class, and we are supposed to say what types of pairs of angles are being displayed on the whiteboard. One of the best students in the class puts his hand up and is chosen. The answer is “vertically opposite angles.”)

Classmate: “Vertically challenged angles!”

(Class-wide hilarity.)

A School Period Like No Other

| UK | Learning | May 11, 2017

(Everything has been completely normal until:)

Boy: *delirious and pale* “SIR, CAN I GO TO THE BATHROOM!?”

(The teacher looks extremely worried, but lets him. When he stands up, though, he collapses before he reaches full height. The teacher and several students run over.)

Girl: “OH, MY GOD, HE’S ON HIS PERIOD!”

(We all look, and it indeed looks like he is having a period, with the liquid running from his crotch appearing red against the linoleum. The teacher calls for an ambulance and he’s taken away with an extremely low heart rate. We later found out that the boy tried to circumcise himself after learning about it in his previous lesson. While we don’t know the extent of the damage he caused, he seemed to make a full recovery. Before it was revealed though, half the boys in my year started buying tampons expecting it to happen to them. Then, after, all the sharp utensils had to be hidden for fear someone else would try it. There was a lot of stupidity in my year. I don’t know how I turned out so normal.)

Need To Adjust Their Psychology

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Learning | May 10, 2017

(In high school, I was put into a study skills [special education] class because I needed more time to take tests and this class allowed me to finish any test I didn’t finish in my regular class. I should also mention that I had a slight speech impediment where I couldn’t pronounce my ‘R’ and would stutter when I got nervous. This is the first time I am ever put into a study skills class and I notice that the teacher I have treats me and my classmates as if we can’t succeed because we are in a special ed class. I have this certain teacher for my junior and senior year of high school and throughout my junior year she tells us that because we have a learning disability, we won’t succeed in college. This story happens during the end of my senior year and she pulls me aside one day after class.)

Teacher: “I wanted to see what your plans were after you graduate from [School]?”

Me: “I have decided I wanted to do a major of psychology and a minor of child development. It has always been my goal to work with children as a child psychologist/counselor. I have been accepted into [Four Well-Known Universities] but I have received a full scholarship to [University nearby] and I have decided to go there.”

(My teacher stares at me for a couple of minutes and then looks at her aide, who starts to laugh at what I just said, then she looks back at me and starts to laugh as well.)

Teacher’s Aide: “I’m sorry for laughing but you will never succeed in psychology!”

Teacher: “You should’ve come to us first, [My Name]! What were you thinking?!”

Me: “I was thinking that it would be a great major for me since I’ve always been fascinated with psychology and I enjoy working with the kids.”

(I was expecting this kind of response from them since they always try telling the other students that college wasn’t a good choice for them but up until this point, I didn’t listen to anything they had to say because I knew what I was capable of.)

Teacher: “Why don’t you come during your lunch period and we can take a look what you would be capable of.”

Teacher’s Aide: “I’m sure it’s not too late to look at [Community College] and apply there as well. [University] isn’t the right fit for you.”

Me: “I’m sorry to sound rude, but getting into [University] was a huge accomplishment for me. If they accepted me then I’m sure they are certain with my grades that I’m the right fit for this school.”

Teacher: “We understand that but you’re in special education and it is harder for students like you to fit in with a school like [University]. I just can’t see you being a counselor especially with your speech impediment and your stutter! I think it would be best for you to go to [Community College] for general studies because, let’s face it, the only thing you will be successful in is a retail job or an office aide. You should reconsider your options, [My Name]!”

Me: “I will not reconsider my options just because you think I’m not capable of attending [University], just because the only reason I am in this class is because of needing extra time for tests. I have to get to my next class.”

(As I left the class, I heard them laughing at the possibility of me attending the university I was accepted in. I was so upset and angry that I was shaking but I didn’t go to the principal or another teacher about what happened because I was afraid they would agree with the teacher and her aide. This teacher even went as far as calling my parents to tell them I needed to ‘reconsider my options.’ A couple of months later, I graduated from my high school and attended the university I was accepted into. During my years of attending college, I received nothing but straight A’s without the help of anyone and I completed both my bachelor’s and master’s program at the top of my class. I am now working on completing my PhD and am working my dream job of being an elementary school counselor, I did run into my study skill’s teacher once while I was visiting my hometown and the look on her face when I told her I was working on my PhD and was working as a children’s counselor was priceless. I also thanked her for motivating me to succeed in college just so I could prove her wrong. Lesson learned: Don’t let anyone tell you’re not capable of doing anything because you can do anything you set your mind to!)

Don’t You Speak Asian?

| NJ, USA | Learning | May 10, 2017

Teacher: “Is this yours?”

(Show me pencil case with a lot of Japanese words on it.)

Me: “No, it’s not.”

Teacher: “Well, it must be someone here! It wasn’t here last class. You’re the last Asian I’ve asked.”

Me: “Why can’t a non-Asian have one?”

Teacher: “It’s silly because they can’t read it.”

Me: “Well, I can’t either. I’m Chinese. But anyone can learn a foreign language or just like the look.”

(The teacher walks away and puts the case on her desk in plain view. At the end of the class a black student picks it up.)

Teacher: “What does it say?”

Student: “No idea. Bought it on a trip to Japan.”

(The teacher was dumbfounded.)

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