(I’m in geometry. We are talking about exact definitions and how important they are to geometry.)

Teacher: “I’m going to tell you a story about when I was a teen. One time, I went out with my friends. I asked my parents how late I was allowed to stay out. They said 12:00. I asked if I could come home at quarter of 12. They were shocked, and said yes. I came home around 2:30.”

(Several students, including myself, begin wondering where this is going.)

Teacher: “They were mad. I said ‘What? You said I could be home at quarter of 12.’ The response was ‘IT’S 2:30!’ I responded ‘Yeah, quarter of 12. What is one-fourth of 12?’

(Everyone in the class realizes the trick he played. We stare in awe.)

Me: “Did it work?”

Teacher: “Once. Feel free to try it; just don’t tell them it was me who taught you.”

(My history teacher is selecting volunteers for a demonstration of the alliances between countries.)

Teacher: “Right, so I’m gonna need some volunteers.”

(Around seven people raise their hands.)

Teacher: “But I warn you: you may have to hold hands.”

Half The Class: “Ooooh!” *raises hands*

(My teacher is out for a day due to personal circumstances. The substitute is rather… interesting.)

Substitute: “Alright, let’s get roll-call started. I am filling in for Mr. [Name] today; my name is written on the board. I do the roll-call rather interestingly, you can say either ‘present,’ or whatever interesting phrase you guys come up with. First up, [Classmate #1].”

Classmate #1: “Here?”

Substitute: “I said INTERESTING.”

Classmate #2: *sarcastically* “You’re a beautiful man, Mr. [Name].”

Substitute: “Perfect! So either present, or, ‘You’re a beautiful man, Mr. [Name].'”

(The substitute does not mark you present if you say anything other than those two things. The class got even weirder after that. We never saw him fill in for a teacher again at my school!)

(I am six years old, and my mom comes to pick me up early from school.)

Office On Intercom: “Ms. [Teacher’s Name], can you send [My Name] to the office? Her mother is here to pick her up.”

Teacher: “Okay.” *to me* “Go ahead.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I start gathering materials for homework, and getting everything organized as I am an extremely organized person. I am not making a lot of noise or disrupting the class in any way.)

Teacher: “Hurry up!”

Me: “Okay, I’m just putting everything in the right place.”

Teacher: *yelling* “That doesn’t matter! Just get your things together and get out of my class!”

Me: “Okay, okay, I’m almost finished.”

(The teacher runs over to me, grabs my arm, and screams at me.)

Teacher: “You disrespectful little—”

(The teacher raises her hand to hit me, but at that moment, my mom steps into the room. She decided to walk to my classroom since it was on our way out of the school anyway. She has seen the entire exchange.)

Mom: “EXCUSE ME! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY DAUGHTER?!”

Teacher: “Um… uh… uh…”

Mom: “We will take this to the principal! Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go!”

(When we talk to the principal, the teacher loses her job for the incident, and many others like it in the past.)

(I am a volunteer working at a government funded program that offers free English-as-Second-Language classes to adult immigrants. As it is a day-time class, most of the students are young stay-at-home-moms or retirees. The students usually communicate in one-word utterances, rather than full sentences. The teacher is taking the attendance.)

Teacher: “[Student #1]? Where is [Student #1]?”

Class: “[Student #1] no school today.”

Teacher: “Oh? Why?”

Class: “Husband come China.”

Teacher: “Her husband came over from China?”

Class: “Yeah. Yeah.”

Teacher: “So? Her husband is not a baby! Why does she need to stay home? She doesn’t need to take care of a husband!”

Class: *laughs*

Student #2: *smiles mischievously and winks* “Bed time.”

(The class erupts into laughter and the teacher starts blushing furiously.)

Teacher: “Okay! I can’t argue with that!”

(It still amazes me how someone who can barely string a few words together to communicate can still find humor and joke around in a language they aren’t familiar with. It’s moments like these that convince me that teaching ESL is something that I want to pursue.)