(I’m walking back from lunch when a girl from the IT class comes up to talk to me. This girl happens to be a very vocal feminist.)

IT Girl: “Hey, [My name]! I just heard they’re starting to have an honor grad for the IT classes like they used to! There’s never been a female IT honor grad, so I’ve been trying to talk to the instructors about awarding it to one of us this time so that it’s fair.”

Me: “Let me get this straight. In honor of equality, you think they should award a female as honor grad even if she’s not the top student, instead of a male who is? Yeah, that seems totally logical.”

IT Girl: *not getting the sarcasm dripping from my voice* “Yeah! I knew you’d agree with me, because you’re such a strong female, too!”

(We just had a fire drill during our biology class. One student comments on it when we’re all seated again.)

Student: “Uhm, Mrs. [Name]? Don’t you think the siren is a bit too quiet? I think the younger students won’t be able to hear it if they’re loud during class.”

Teacher: “Well… Maybe they don’t deserve to be saved if they’re that loud. Natural selection!”

(My wife has recently broken her toe, so she has been walking around in a protective boot. This is following a year of serious medical issues, including a neural angiogram for a suspected aneurysm, gall stones, and to top it off, several months of treatment for breast cancer, after which she had a double mastectomy. She had just been told she couldn’t reconstruct for another year, so she finally went and got breast prosthetics. She wears them the next day to an event at our son’s school. She’s feeling very self-conscious about the prosthetics, since to her they seem very large. We see another family we know fairly well.)

Husband Of The Other Family: “Hey, [My Wife]! Did you have surgery?”

My Wife: “No! They’re prosthetics!” *gesturing to her chest*

Husband Of The Other Family: “Uh, no, I, uh… I meant your foot. Since you’re wearing that walking boot.”

(Everyone turns a little red in the face before we all start laughing about it!)

(I am on the phone with my supervisor.)

Supervisor: “[New Employee I haven’t met] won’t be in today. She was in a fatal car accident.”

(My heart almost stops.)

Me: “WHAT?!?”

Supervisor: “Yeah, she’ll be starting in a few days.”

Me: “[Supervisor], you scared me. I think someone needs to tell you what ‘fatal’ means!”

(We are going over lab safety in my eighth grade science class. Most of the class are slightly more advanced, but still bored with the same lecture from every year prior. The teacher notices and starts to speak up.)

Teacher: “So, in the case a flammable liquid spills…”

(There is a clink and splash of glass falling over and something spilling out. I am sitting close to the front of the class and smell rubbing alcohol.)

Teacher: “…THIS is the last thing you do.”

(I hear the distinctive noise of a match striking before a woosh. I feel heat at my back. I turn around to see the table top on fire. The class goes dead quiet.)

My Friend: “Did she just—”

Teacher: “The tables are fire-resistant, so stay calm. Get the fire blanket, located here. You open the case like so.”

(The teacher opens the case and pulls out the blanket.)

Teacher: “And put it over the fire like this.”

(The teacher tosses it over her desk, patting it down and putting out the fire. She goes quiet, pausing for effect before continuing the safety procedures like nothing happened. Six years later, she was still the best science teacher ever.)