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Ordering Pizza, Talking Baloney

, , , , | Right | August 30, 2010

(I am a lunch lady at a high school, and one of the students there is going to be leaving for a trip to Italy soon.)

Me: “What kind of pizza would you like?”

Student: “One pepperoni, one cheese.”

Me: “So are you excited to spend two months in Italy?”

Student: “Yeah, but I’m really going to miss all the good food here at school. Especially pizza.”

Me: “But you’ll be in Italy right? So you can have pizza there.”

Student: “Yeah but it won’t be authentic pizza from America. It’ll just be cheap Italian knock-offs.”


This story is part of the More Clueless Tourists roundup!

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No Appointment, No Point

, , , | Right | August 24, 2010

Customer: “I would like to cancel my appointment for a tutor at 1:30.”

Me: “You are not booked for 1:30.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Can I make an appointment for 1:30, then?”

Me: “Didn’t you just say you want to cancel it?”

Customer: “Don’t I need to have an appointment first to cancel it?”


This story is part of our Extra-Stupid-Customers roundup!

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Another Tragic Hair Disaster

, , , , | Right | August 6, 2010

(The phone rings five minutes before the end of the school day.)

Parent: *very distressed* “You’ll have to help me! Please help!”

Me: “What on Earth has happened? How can I help?”

Parent: “It’s an emergency! There’s been a disaster! You have to help me!”

Me: “Calm down and tell me what has happened. I’ll do my best to help”.

Parent: “I can’t get there to pick up [Her Child]. It’s an emergency!”

Me: “Don’t worry about her. I’ll keep an eye on her here at school. She can come home with me if need be. Is there anything else I can do? What has happened?”

Parent: “It’s my hair! It’s turned out orange!”

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Couldn’t Handle The Screening Process

, , , , , | Right | April 14, 2010

(I am hosting a class for senior citizens to help them learn computing.)

Me: “Could I have everyone move their mouse to the top of their screens?”

(An elderly gentleman in the back row takes his physical mouse, places it on the screen, and pushes it to the top.)


This story is part of our Old People & Technology roundup.

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Those Who Definitely Can’t

, , , , , | Right | February 20, 2010

Customer: “Hi, can you tell me about your Educator Appreciation Weekend?

Me: “Sure! Teachers normally get 20% off on things they buy for their classroom.”

Customer: “Okay, so how do I prove that I’m a teacher?”

Me: “Do you have a pay stub from your school?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a school ID?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a card from a teacher’s union?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a medical insurance card that shows that you’re on an educator plan?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Maybe a vision or dental insurance card?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a business card?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have any letters from the school or district to you?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Is there a number I could call to verify your employment with a school?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have anything, anything at all, with both your name on it, and the name of some kind of school or educational organization?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Well, I’m stumped. I can’t think of any other way that you could show that you’re a teacher.”

Customer: “Wow, you really don’t make this easy for us, do you?”


This story is part of the Unrealistic-Expectations roundup!

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