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Love’s Languages’s Lost

, , , , , , | Romantic | December 6, 2011

(I am a Japanese teacher. I am presiding over homeroom. A female student, who had a pretty serious fight with her boyfriend in the hall before homeroom, is intently writing on a piece of paper.)

Student: “Ugh, I can’t do this anymore!”

(She throws down her pen and calls up to me.)

Student: “Love is too hard!”

Me: “Well, I know it always seems that way after having a fight. But, you know, people have disagreements all the time and work through them. Besides, you’re still young, and part of this age is discovering how to be in a relationship with others. I am sure he is just as upset as you are.”

(She looks at me quizzically and then holds up the paper she is working on.)

Student: “I meant trying to write it in Japanese for your homework.”

Me: “Oh. Yeah. That can be hard, too.”

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Easy On The Eyes, Hard On The Pupils

| Romantic | November 29, 2011

(I am tutoring middle school students. Note that I am seventeen and in high school.)

Middle school boy: “Hey, baby.”

Me: “Knock it off.”

Middle school boy: “But, c’mon! I know you feel it too! I’m twelve now, and I can please a woman. You’ll see!”

Me: “Seriously, kid. Please stop.”

Middle school boy: “As long as you stay hot, I will love you! Don’t get a skin condition. Or glasses. I hate glasses.”

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Fourth Time’s Not So Charming

| Romantic | November 8, 2011

(My boyfriend and I are talking about our plans for the next few weeks. It’s our anniversary the following Wednesday.)

Me: “So, what’s happening next Wednesday again?”

Boyfriend: “Umm…we have an accounting test?”

Me: “And?”

Boyfriend: “[New videogame] comes out?”

Me: *silence*

Boyfriend: “Oh! Oh! It’s our two year anniversary!”

Me: *even more silence*

Boyfriend: “I mean, it’s our three year anniversary, sweetheart!”

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Gotta Catch Only One

| Romantic | October 11, 2011

(My crush and I are waiting after school for my ride to come. She’s playing Pokemon on her DS, while I’m in the middle of a battle.)

Me: “Hey, my ride’s here. I’m gonna go now.”

Her: “WAIT!”

Me: “Um…what?”

Her: “I’m going to kill this Geodude in your honor!”

(We’re dating now.)

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Foot In Mouth Disease, Perhaps

| Romantic | September 26, 2011

(I am sitting alone at my lunch table, waiting for my friends to finish getting their food when a boy I’ve never talked to comes up.)

Boy: “Hey there, [my name]·”

Me: “Uh, hi?”

Boy: “So, I was wondering…”

Me: “What?”

Boy: “Do you have some disease that makes it so you can’t absorb fat correctly?”

Me: “Um, excuse me?”

Boy: “Well, you’re just really skinny.”

Me: “That was the worst pick up line, ever.”

Boy: “I’m sorry. But seriously–no diseases?”

Me: “What? No!”

Boy: *disappointed* “Oh, okay. Well, can I maybe text you sometime?”

Me: “Honestly, no.”

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