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Ah, Mothers, Part 6

| Related | December 11, 2011

(The child I’m working with is crying, so I go outside to talk to the mother.)

Me: “Your child seems to have some separation anxiety, ma’am. It’s against the rules, but I could let you stay and watch her work so she’ll feel better.”

Mother: “Oh, I think she’ll be fine after a while. See, she’s been upset since we moved here from Chicago.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s difficult for a child sometimes.”

Mother: “But don’t tell her we moved, okay? We told her we were only going on a vacation. She has no idea we’re not going back.”

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How To Start A Relationship: Make Contact

| Romantic | December 10, 2011

(I am near-sighted and wear glasses. When I return to school in September, I have contacts. They keep itching, so I switch back to glasses in mid-October. I am walking in the hall when I trip and my glasses fall off. A girl picks them up for me, but this girl is known for being a bully.)

Me: “Thank you. I’m so glad they didn’t break.”

Bully: “Why don’t you go back to your contacts? You looked so much nicer.”

Me: “Well, thank you. The contacts made my eyes itch. I just couldn’t adjust to them.”

Bully: “Oh, don’t be such a wuss. You should’ve just waited longer. Besides, glasses are ugly. No one will want to date a four-eyed freak.”

Me: “I don’t really care. I need them to see.”

(I start to walk away, but she keeps teasing me.)

Bully: “Haha! No wonder you’ve never had a boyfriend! Four eyes! Four eyes!”

(I try to ignore her, but I’m not watching where I’m going because I feel embarrassed, and trip again. This makes my glasses fall off again. Of course, she laughs at me. I pick them up when a boy, who happened to be the bully’s ex-boyfriend, comes out of the bathroom and asks what’s going on.)

Bully: *to the boy* “Hey, tell her how ugly she looks! She thinks she looks so cute with those glasses!”

Me: “No, I said I don’t care how I look. I need them to see!”

Bully: “Tell her she should go back to her contacts!”

Boy: “Why would I do that? I think if she’s wearing glasses, contacts probably hurt her eyes.”

Bully: “But, doesn’t she look so ugly? Tell her glasses are ugly!”

Boy: “If anyone is ugly, it’s you with that attitude of yours! For the record, I happen to think she’s very adorable with her glasses. In fact…”

(He comes up to me.)

Boy: “Can I have your number, please?”

Me: *in disbelief* “Really?”

Boy: “Oh, yes, please! It would be so nice to date a girl who’s not obsessed with her appearance. May I?”

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Love’s Languages’s Lost

, , , , , , | Romantic | December 6, 2011

(I am a Japanese teacher. I am presiding over homeroom. A female student, who had a pretty serious fight with her boyfriend in the hall before homeroom, is intently writing on a piece of paper.)

Student: “Ugh, I can’t do this anymore!”

(She throws down her pen and calls up to me.)

Student: “Love is too hard!”

Me: “Well, I know it always seems that way after having a fight. But, you know, people have disagreements all the time and work through them. Besides, you’re still young, and part of this age is discovering how to be in a relationship with others. I am sure he is just as upset as you are.”

(She looks at me quizzically and then holds up the paper she is working on.)

Student: “I meant trying to write it in Japanese for your homework.”

Me: “Oh. Yeah. That can be hard, too.”

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Easy On The Eyes, Hard On The Pupils

| Romantic | November 29, 2011

(I am tutoring middle school students. Note that I am seventeen and in high school.)

Middle school boy: “Hey, baby.”

Me: “Knock it off.”

Middle school boy: “But, c’mon! I know you feel it too! I’m twelve now, and I can please a woman. You’ll see!”

Me: “Seriously, kid. Please stop.”

Middle school boy: “As long as you stay hot, I will love you! Don’t get a skin condition. Or glasses. I hate glasses.”

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Fourth Time’s Not So Charming

| Romantic | November 8, 2011

(My boyfriend and I are talking about our plans for the next few weeks. It’s our anniversary the following Wednesday.)

Me: “So, what’s happening next Wednesday again?”

Boyfriend: “Umm…we have an accounting test?”

Me: “And?”

Boyfriend: “[New videogame] comes out?”

Me: *silence*

Boyfriend: “Oh! Oh! It’s our two year anniversary!”

Me: *even more silence*

Boyfriend: “I mean, it’s our three year anniversary, sweetheart!”

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