How To Kill, To Kill A Mockingbird, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | November 4, 2010

(I find a young customer looking a little lost in the nature section.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking for a book about killing birds.”

Me: “Killing birds?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need it for school.”

Me: “Do you mean To Kill a Mockingbird, by any chance?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s it! Do you have it?”

(I take him to the classics section and show him the book.)

Me: “You know, its not actually about killing birds.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “It’s about social injustice in 1930’s America.”

Customer: “Oh. That doesn’t sound as much fun. Do you have any books about killing birds?”

Me: “I hope not.”

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Finals At Hogwarts

, , | Learning | October 18, 2010

(One of my students was absent the day of a test and she has had just handed it in.)

Me: “Okay, class. Now that [Student] has done the test, I can give you them back.”

(I hand out the test papers.)

Student: “Where’s mine?”

Me: “You just did yours today. I’ll have it back to you tomorrow.”

Student: “But you just said!”

Me: “How was I supposed to mark it in five minutes?”

Student: *completely serious* “Doesn’t it just automatically mark itself?”

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Acting Juvie-nile

, , , , | Right | October 12, 2010

(While stocking the shelves I overhear a young boy from a few aisles over. He sounds very distressed.)

Boy: “What?! Are you freaking kidding me? Nuh-uh! No way!”

(The kid sounds like he is really in trouble, so my coworker and I go to investigate. He is sitting in front of the back-to-school section with his mother.)

Boy: “I have to go back to school?! What do you mean, I have to go back?! I just got out!”

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Ah, Mothers, Part 6

, , , , , | Learning Right | September 24, 2010

(The child I’m working with is crying, so I go outside to talk to the mother.)

Me: “Your child seems to have some separation anxiety, ma’am. It’s against the rules, but I could let you stay and watch her work so she’ll feel better.”

Mother: “Oh, I think she’ll be fine after a while. See, she’s been upset since we moved here from Chicago.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s difficult for a child sometimes.”

Mother: “But don’t tell her we moved, okay? We told her we were only going on a vacation. She has no idea we’re not going back.”

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Ordering Pizza, Talking Baloney

, , , , , | Right | August 30, 2010

(I am a lunch lady at a high school, and one of the students there is going to be leaving for a trip to Italy soon.)

Me: “What kind of pizza would you like?”

Student: “One pepperoni, one cheese.”

Me: “So are you excited to spend two months in Italy?”

Student: “Yeah, but I’m really going to miss all the good food here at school. Especially pizza.”

Me: “But you’ll be in Italy right? So you can have pizza there.”

Student: “Yeah but it won’t be authentic pizza from America. It’ll just be cheap Italian knock-offs.”

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