(My school is for people with emotional and behavioral issues caused by their diagnosis, not people with intellectual disabilities. It’s for things like Aspergers and ADHD, people who will be able to live independently and go to college if they want, but the public school system can’t properly prepare them. There’s a playground out back with a basketball half-court that teachers take their classes to sometimes. One of the first days of ninth grade is nice, so my new class all heads out to the playground. Everyone else splits into a basketball game, and I head to the swings.)

Teacher #1: “Excuse me! You’re not allowed to be there!”

Me: “What? Me? Where? Why?”

Teacher #1: “You’re in [Teacher #2]’s class, right? High schoolers aren’t allowed on the playground.”

Me: “Why not?”

Teacher #1: “You’re too old. Regular high schoolers don’t have playgrounds, so in this school high-schoolers can’t use the playground.”

Me: “Yeah… but… he took us all out here.”

Teacher #1: “You can use the basketball court, but not the playground. When you’re a grown-up, you can’t do these sorts of things anymore. You’re going to have to learn this eventually.”

Me: “So what am I supposed to do?”

Teacher #1: “You can play basketball with your friends.”

Me: “The other students in my class harass and bully me. They don’t want to play with me and I don’t want to play with them.”

Teacher #1: “I’m sorry, but you can’t use the playground.”

(I spend the rest of the recess sitting on the curb by the blacktop. The next time the teachers bring us out, I grab my book.)

Teacher’s Assistant: “You can’t bring anything with you outside.”

Me: “I just want something to do.”

Teacher’s Assistant: “You’re going outside to get exercise.”

Me: “How can I get exercise when I can’t use the playground or the blacktop?”

Teacher’s Assistant: “You’re allowed to use the blacktop.”

Me: “Whenever I’m near them all the other kids mock and belittle me. I don’t want to be on the blacktop and have everyone just throw basketballs at me and shout about how I’m a crybaby r****d. That’s not something I should have to put up with.”

Teacher’s Assistant: “Then think of something else to do.”

Me: “I did.”

Teacher’s Assistant: “You can’t bring things outside with you.”

(Thankfully it got cold soon enough so we spent all of lunch inside.)

(I’m a senior receptionist, and I get two brand-new coworkers. Neither of them are “particularly bright.” I am alphabetizing some files, and mid-task my boss phones reception.)

Boss: “[My Name], I’m about to leave the office to get on a plane, but I’m supposed to go to a meeting. Will you go instead and take notes for me?”

Me: “Sure. Where’s the meeting?”

(She tells me, and I turn to my new coworkers. They are both sitting at the same computer, chatting and not even pretending to work.)

Me: “[Coworker 1], [Boss] asked me to go to a meeting for an hour. Can you finish alphabetizing these cards while I’m gone?”

Coworker: “Okay, I suppose so.”

(It’s mostly finished when I leave; the rest would take about 15 minutes at the most. I go to the meeting and come back an hour and a half later. Guess what? It’s not finished.)

Me: *eye-twitching* “Did you get a chance to finish these cards?”

Coworker: “No, I forgot the alphabet half-way through.”

(I turned around and walked out of reception right there. Not only was that an excuse designed to make her look stupid, but the whole time I was gone SHE WAS SITTING IN FRONT OF A FUNCTIONAL COMPUTER. Even if she had a mind blank, she could have gone online and searched for the alphabet! I moved away a few months later, and found out from a different coworker that she was fired a little after I left.)

(I am a French language assistant in Northern Ireland, teaching a group of three girls, in a conservative grammar school.)

Me: “Qu’est ce que vous avez fait pendant les vacances?” *What did you do during your holidays?*

Girl #1: *quite confidently* “Je suis très fatiguée parce que j’ai beaucoup couché”.

(I was so surprised that I started to laugh uncontrollably for a few minutes.)

Me: “You just said: I’m very tired because I slept around a lot.”

(Girls #2 and #3 started laughing, too, while Girl #1 turned red. By the way, she was trying to say that she was really tired so she slept a lot.)

(I and a friend have just arrived at school. I am male; my friend is female.)

Me: *feeling her ratch around in my bag* “What are you doing?”

Friend: *finishing and zipping up the bag* “Nothing! I need the loo. I’ll see you in reg.”

(She runs off and I completely forget about it until lunch.)

Me: “What were you doing in my bag this morning?”

Friend: “What? Oh. I started my period.”

Me: “Okay… Wait, what does that have to do with my bag?”

Friend: “I didn’t have any tampons so I took one out of yours.”

Me: “I have tampons in my bag?”

Friend: “I put them there.”

Me: “Umm, why?”

Friend: “We hang around enough that you’re like a backup supply.”

Me: “I suppose that makes sense… I wonder what my mum would think if she found one, though.”

Friend: “Who do you think gave me the idea?”

(Thanks, mum.)

(I have a very hard time as a child, and I feel it difficult to be in a school environment. Even so, I try hard and academically am well above average. Still, by the time final exams came around I am sure that I don’t want to continue in education. We are discussing what we want to do next.)

Classmate #1: “I’m applying to [University]. That is a great university; they don’t let anyone in.”

Classmate #2: “What are you going to do [My Name]?”

Me: “I… don’t know. I’m not going to university, though.”

Classmate #1: “Pfft, if you don’t go to University you won’t get a good job.”

Me: “Lots of people get good jobs without a degree, and lots of people get a degree and still get good jobs.”

Classmate #1: “You’ll see. I’m going to get my degree and you will be working in [Fast Food Place].”

(I never bothered keeping in touch with him. Ten years later I bumped into him by chance. By that point I was an engineer working with high performance cars and he sold me a new mobile phone contract!)