(My wife works for a bakery and I help out sometimes. The recipe sheets are starting to look messy with all the changes written on them, and some of the steps aren’t in order. I decide to retype them with the changes and email them to the owner to print. The next day I walk into the bakery and the owner hands me the stack of recipes.)

Owner: “My husband made a few small changes.”

Me: *internally* “Oh, no… No, he can’t be that stupid.”

(He was that stupid. Her husband knew nothing about baking. One of his “changes” was replacing every instance of buttermilk with regular milk. He also reordered the list of ingredients, which I had put in the order they needed to be added to the batter.)

Boss: “Okay. I know this sucks, but we can’t sell the couch in the display window because they sent it without legs, but we’re completely full and there’s literally nowhere else to put it. There’s no price on it, but if anyone gives you trouble you can call [Assistant Manager] at the other location.”

(Of course, as soon as he leaves…)

Customer: “So, how much is the couch in the window?”

Me: “I’m so sorry, that couch isn’t for sale right now; it’s missing parts.”

(The usual back and forth: “Sell it to me!” “No, I can’t.”)

Me: “If you’d like, I can call a manager to confirm what I’m telling you.”

Customer: *smugly, like she thinks I’m just being lazy and the manager is going to tell her something different* “Fine.”

(I call the manager and explain the situation.)

Manager: “Let me talk to her.”

(I hand the customer the phone, and the manager tells her exactly what I just did. The customer throws the phone at me and storms off. I pick up the phone.)

Manager: “I heard a crash; is everything okay?”

Me: “Yep.”

Manager: “Did she throw the phone at you?!”

Me: “Yep!”

(This happened when I was in high school, and the best part was I recognized the customer as a teacher at my school. You definitely want someone who gets aggressive about a couch teaching!)

Customer: “I’d like to return this.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t do returns at this company.”

Customer: “Since when?!”

Me: “Well, I’ve been here for five years and I know we haven’t done returns in that time.”

Customer: “It doesn’t say that anywhere; I wasn’t informed of this so I want my money back!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it says right here on the receipt that we don’t do refunds, but I’ll be happy to put it on a gift card for you.”

Customer: “I wasn’t aware you don’t do refunds; therefore, I want my money back. I didn’t see that on the receipt.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, we tell all our customers our policy during the transaction. It also says it here and here.” *points to a large sign on the wall and a sign on the cash desk*

Customer: “This is all new to me. I still want my money back. I paid cash for this and that is what I want back.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, but there isn’t even an option for us to do that. We can put the amount you paid onto a gift card for this store, and that total will never expire.”

Customer: “I want to talk to your manager.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am the manager of this location, but I can definitely call another manager who has been here since day one, if that is what you want.”

(After speaking on the phone to the other manager, I then passed the phone to the customer. She was very calm and sweet on the phone. Then, she passed the phone back, grabbed her merchandise, and exited the store, never to be seen again. I’ll never understand why customers think that they can just change rules whenever they want. I don’t make them up; I only enforce them.)

(I work at a popular fast food joint, and wasn’t trained before I started working. Because of that, I have to ask my coworkers quite a few questions about how to change what the combo drink or side is. A woman around fifty with her teenage son comes up to my till.)

Customer: “I’d like a [popular burger] combo with an ice cream float, please.”

(I’ve only been working for a few days, and I’m not sure that it is possible to include a float as a drink, so I pull my more knowledgeable coworker over to help me change the drink. We’re having the conversation loud enough for the woman to clearly hear that we’re changing the drink from a soda to a float, and she says nothing. Once her tray with her burger and float are out, anger ensues.)

Customer: “Hey, this isn’t what I ordered. I ordered a g**d***** burger combo with a float.”

Me: “Yes, that’s what I’ve given you.”

Customer: “F***! How f****** dumb can you be? I ordered a burger combo with a float.”

(The coworker who helped me process the order comes over to see what’s going on.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, what’s the problem?”

Customer: “THIS G**D***** IDIOT F***** UP MY ORDER! I DEMAND THAT I GET A REFUND AND A FREE BURGER FOR MY SON. I ORDERED A BURGER COMBO WITH A FLOAT.”

(Apparently, the woman wanted a burger combo with the regular soda and a float on the side. Never did she say anything about me changing what the drink was on her combo. About half an hour after she leaves, she comes back and hands me a dollar.)

Customer: “I’m sorry that I snapped, but I expect you to never f*** up my order again.”

(We never saw her again.)

(I work in a bakery that shares a wall with a restaurant. There are no doors, windows, or openings of any kind on this wall. One day, a man comes through the sales part of the bakery and right into the kitchen.)

Me: *startled* “I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t be back here.”

Man: *patronizingly* “Oh, it’s okay.”

Me: “Actually, it’s not. I can take you up to the front if you’d like to order something.”

Man: “I don’t want anything from here! I’m going to [Restaurant].”

Me: “Oh, you can’t get there from here. You’ll have to go in their front door.”

Man: “No, I don’t; I’m going in their side door.”

Me: “Um… Okay. If you can find the side door, you are welcome to go through it.”

Man: “Hmph! That’s more like it!” *sees the solid wall and storms off*