Fifty Years And They’re Still Not Over It

, , , | Legal | August 14, 2019

(I work at a small, privately-owned funeral home. While my main job title is embalmer, during less busy periods I also work in the office and often have to answer the phones. The funeral home opened in 1935 and was named after the original owner; the business has changed hands numerous times over the years, but the name has always stayed the same. This has resulted in some telemarketers requesting to speak to the original owner who, of course, has been dead for more than 50 years. Usually, we just tell them we aren’t interested, as the owner figures if they can’t bother to figure out who owns the business, then they mustn’t have anything of use for us. However, one day, after having already received several phone calls asking for [Original Owner], I decide to have a little fun.)

Telemarketer: “Good afternoon. This is [Telemarketer] from [Scam Company]. Could I please speak to [Original Owner]?”

Me: “I’m so sorry; you hadn’t heard? He passed away… in 1965.”

Telemarketer: “Oh…” *click*

(I figure the very least a scam company could do to make their act convincing is to update their records.)

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More Than 3.6 Roentgens On The Crazometer

, , , , | Right | July 20, 2019

(A customer approaches me as I work the customer service desk.)

Customer: “Do you carry any more [Store Brand] yogurt in the package of twelve little cups?”

Me: “I don’t believe so, but we do have tubs of [Store Brand] yogurt, and plenty of other brands have yogurt in the little cups, as well.”

Customer: “No, I read the labels. That’s all sugar candy. But have you heard about Chernobyl?”

(The question is so out of left field it takes me a moment to realize he actually said it.)

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “And you know that it was a huge nuclear meltdown in Russia?”

Me: “Yeah…”

Customer: “Well, while the US government was spreading propaganda about them killing their citizens, the Russian government did a top-secret study to find ways to reverse radiation sickness.”

(I’m screaming internally, trying to figure out what this guy’s game is.)

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “And they found a probiotic bacteria in Bulgaria and they called it bulgaricus. Now, when they gave this to the people who were exposed, it was like the divine hand of God coming down from the heavens and healing them. Do you understand?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer: “And bulgaricus is only found in certain brands of yogurt, and [Store Brand] was the only one I’ve found!”

(I’m still very much thrown by this customer’s passion about the healing powers of yogurt, but I’m thankful that the conversation has turned back towards relevance.)

Me: “Well, as I mentioned before, we do still carry [Store Brand] yogurt in the large tubs. Really the only difference is the serving size. There’s also [Other Large Brand], which is pretty famous for being probiotic yogurt.”

Customer: “No, I already checked them, and they just have acidolphus! Everything has acidolphus, but it’s not bulgaricus! And they’re all sugar-candy! It was just your brand in the small cups!”

(He’s starting to get agitated, and people in the line that’s formed behind him appear just as concerned as I am, so now I’m just trying to end this.)

Me: “Okay. Well, I can’t promise anything, but when I get a chance today I’ll ask my manager if any of our other locations still carry our yogurt in the smaller size. And if it’s still in our system, we might be able to order some in for you special.”

Customer: “All right, but if it’s not bulgaricus then it’s just sugar-candy and I won’t have it!”

(The customer left after that. I relayed the story to my manager afterward, who responded with an expression of confusion and fear to match my own. Still, we called the other locations and found a store that still carried that size, so hopefully, we’ll be able to make him their problem. But what’s been bugging ever since is whether this guy thought he would need to be able to cure radiation sickness in the near future, or if he needed to cure it right now?)

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Unfiltered Story #155107

, , , | Unfiltered | June 19, 2019

Customer phones in for customer service:
Customer: hi. My name is *name* and my address is *address*. I just got a dining set delivered and the table top has a gouge in it.
Me: I’m sorry about that, what is the phone number on your account?
Customer: but i just gave you my address.
*bangs head on desk*

Wiping The Place Clean Of Guests

, , , , | Right | June 11, 2019

(I work the late shift at a hotel. While it’s not unusual for people to comment about my hours, this is definitely the most amusing conversation to date.)

Woman: “Oh, my God, are you still cleaning?”

Me: “Yes, I am the late shift.”

Woman: “What? You clean all night?”

Me: “Not normally; the odd time I’ll be here until midnight, but normally 10 or 11. Tonight I’m off at 11.”

Woman: “Wow, you are a hard worker.”

Man: “You must do the work crews.”

Me: “Yes, sir, my main responsibility is cleaning the rail crews’ rooms since they are constantly routing.”

Woman: “So, someone does cleaning all night?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I am the late cleaner and we have an early cleaner who starts at five am. There is no housekeeper for the slowest part of the night, but if needed the front desk will clean a room for them.”

Man: “You do what you have to. How are the rest of the rooms divided up?”

Me: “We have other housekeepers who work normally eight to four; their job is the regular guest rooms. If the early cleaner or I have free time we will also clean the regular rooms.”

Woman: “Twenty-four-seven cleaning is crazy! I will write to your head office for you and I promise we will never stay with this hotel again!” *walks off before I can say anything*

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Would Prefer To Keep This Private

, , , , | Working | June 10, 2019

(I am an admin, and I’m in charge of booking a hotel room for my boss. I use the company card to pay for it, but since it has my name on it, I need to fill out a credit card authorization form. I call a particular hotel asking for the form and receive it via fax, except the form isn’t empty. It has another person’s credit card information on it! The credit card is in date, and from a stay in the hotel from six months ago! I call to ask them to check and make sure it won’t happen again and get an actual blank form.)

Desk Agent: “Hello, [Hotel] front desk. How can I help you?”

Me: “Hi I called a few moments ago about a credit card authorization form and—“

Desk Agent: *interrupting me* “Yes, I just sent it. Please check your fax machine.”

Me: “No, actually, I—“

Desk Agent: *still interrupting me* “Please check your fax machine, ma’am.” *click*

(I sit for a moment, staring at my phone, and then I call back.)

Desk Agent: “Hello, [Hotel] front desk. How can I help you?”

Me: “Hi. I received a filled-out credit card authorization form.”

Desk Agent: “Do you need help filling it out?”

Me: “No, I wanted you to know that you sent me one already filled out.”

Desk Agent: “That’s not possible, ma’am.”

Me: “It is, because it happened.”

Desk Agent: “You must be mistaken. There is no way a filled-out form made it to you. Just fill out the form.”

Me: “It’s filled out with another organization’s credit card.”

(We go back and forth like this for another few minutes until I finally have enough.)

Me: “Look, do you want me to believe me, or should I just call that other person and tell them that their credit card information was just randomly given out?”

Desk Agent: “Fine, I will send you another form via fax. Please fill it out.” *click*

(After getting the correct, blank form, I shred the filled out one. The exchange isn’t sitting well with me the next day, so I call the hotel back. The same desk agent answers the phone.)

Me: “Hi, I would like to speak to a manager.”

Desk Agent: “She’s quite busy right now; she can’t take a call.”

Me: “Oh, I think she will want to take a call about your hotel breaking all sorts of privacy.”

(The desk agent grumbled but finally passed me off to the manager. The manager was fairly grumpy at first but after I told her my story, she went silent. She very calmly thanked me for my honesty, and in a very angry voice told me that she will handle it. I’m hoping that front desk agent got a lesson in privacy and taking it seriously!)

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