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The Emphasis Was On The “Can You Run” Part

, , , , | Right | June 29, 2020

For this particular group’s breakfast buffet, we put out a pitcher of orange juice on each table for the guests to help themselves.

Guest: “Hey, you! Waiter! C’mere!”

Me: “What can I do for you, sir?”

Guest: “Can you run and get me a glass of orange juice?”

Me: “Sure thing!”

I pick up his glass, pick up the pitcher of juice from his table, and pour it for him. The guest looks disappointed.

Guest: “ Oh. In that case, can you run and get me a glass of milk?”

Me: “Yes.” *eye-twitch*

Sadly, This Conversation Is As Common As An Old Shoe

, , , | Right | May 20, 2020

Me: “Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “I’m looking for shoes for my child. He’s nine years old.”

Me: “Do you know what size he is?”

Customer: “No. What size should I get?”

Me: “There is no average, since children all grow at different rates. Have you brought your child with you? We could measure his feet.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “So, what size shoes should I get?”

This conversation happens almost every day.

Their Stance On This Is Frozen

, , , | Right | April 20, 2020

I’m speaking to a customer on the phone.

Customer: “Do you have any organic frozen French fries in stock?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t sell those.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. I’ve bought them there before.”

Me: “I’ve never seen them here, but I’ll ask someone else.”

Two minutes later…

Me: “My coworker also says we’ve never sold frozen fries.”

Customer: “Well, you used to. I bought some two years ago.”

Me: “Ma’am, my coworker has been here six years and has never seen them here.”

Customer: “Oh.”

A few hours later, a man walks into the store.

Me: “Hi! Can I help you find something?”

Man: “My wife sent me here for organic frozen fries.”

Me: “…”

Getting It Right Is A Long Shot

, , , , | Right | April 6, 2020

(I work switchboard for the local teaching hospital. This means we deal with a lot of trainee doctors and medical students; they come from all over the country and province, often only for a few weeks at a time. Sometimes they make me question the future of our health system.)

Caller: “This is [Caller]. I’m a med student. I have forgotten my pager and need calls to go through to my cell phone.”

Me: “Okay, the number we have on file for you is [number].”

Caller: “That’s right.”

Me: “Is that long-distance?”

(Saskatchewan has two area codes, but they both cover the whole province, so either can be local or long-distance. If it’s a long-distance call, you need to add a 1 in front so that the phone system knows it’s long-distance. Generally speaking, if you need to dial a number anywhere in the province outside your local town/city, you need the 1.)

Caller: “Well, it’s a Saskatchewan number.”

Me: “But is it a Saskatoon number? Is this a long-distance number?”

Caller: *noncommittal noise*

Me: “I need to know if this is long-distance so we can dial it correctly to reach you.”

Caller: “My understanding of long-distance is that it is only outside the province.”

(This is a future doctor, people.)

Wash Your Hands Clean Of This Guest

, , , , | Right | April 6, 2020

(I am a housekeeper in a hotel in my town that holds a lot of contracts with companies, meaning they get a discount price when they use us. One of our biggest contracts is with the railroad; we have rooms set aside for transport — in and out constantly because they are driving the trains — and some who are long-term that are brought in to work in the area for a long period before moving to the next location.

This involves a guy in a crew that is part of the long-term group. For the record, a lot of them have told me they don’t actually have a permanent address — that they literally live out of hotel rooms and just stay with family if they have a break between jobs.)

Coworker: “Hey, do you have room 123 on your list?”

Me: “Yes, they had their ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ sign up.”

Coworker: “Well, I just had a guy tell me to clean his d*** room.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll go now.”

(I head to the room, and when I get there the sign is still up and I hear people inside. I knock and identify myself as housekeeping. The guest opens the door.)

Guest: “About d*** time.”

Me: *smiling* “Hi, my coworker said you asked for service. Is there something specific you needed?”

Guest: “I need my f****** room cleaned! I have been here almost a week and no one has been doing their jobs and f****** cleaned it.”

Me: *keeping my nicest smile I can* “I am sorry about that. I noticed your ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ sign is up; may I ask how long it has been up?”

Guest: “I put it up when I got here so no one comes in when I’m f****** sleeping.”

Me: “I’m sorry for the confusion, sir, but we are not allowed to enter a room when the sign is up without permission, and as the sign indicates, we cannot disturb the person to ask for it. Technically, since it’s still up, I shouldn’t have knocked.”

Guest: “I don’t want you to disturb me when I am sleeping but I still want my room cleaned! God, you are stupid!”

Me: *still smiling* “I am sorry, sir, but we have no way of knowing that you are not sleeping unless you take it down.”

Guest: “So, you won’t come in at all unless I hunt you down like an animal and ask? That’s bulls***!”

Me: “A lot of guests do not like the idea of strangers being in their room so they keep it up at all times and ask if towels or any other items are needed.”

Another Guy In The Room: “So, that’s why you asked if he needed something specific?”

Me: “Yes, sir, most common requests are fresh towels or for us to take out the garbage.”

Guest: “Well, I want my entire room cleaned.”

Me: “Yes, sir, but in future, you will either need to take down the sign or again ask for assistance.”

Guest: “What if I forget to put it up?! I don’t want you in the room while I’m sleeping!”

Me: “We always knock first but if no response is received and we enter to find someone sleeping we leave immediately. But the door does have a deadbolt; if you lock it no one can enter, not even with our master key. If you want, you can lock your door so if your sign is not up we will knock but we can’t come in.”

Guest: “Really?”

(With the door open, I lock the deadbolt and use my key, showing him that it won’t unlock.)

Guest: “Well, the sign is only for when I am sleeping.”

(Thankfully, the other guy in the room convinced him to leave me to clean in peace. This guy had one of the dirtiest rooms I had ever cleaned. Since we are not allowed to touch guest’s stuff we have to clean around it. The bathtub had a black ring around it and there were personal hygiene products all across the sink and clothes everywhere that made vacuuming impossible, and I had to hop to get to his bed which, thankfully, didn’t have anything on it.

The worst was the kitchen. He had trash and dirty dishes across the counters as well as food and other things. Each room has recycling and two garbage cans; all were empty. We are allowed to empty the cans, but we can’t clean up since we cannot guarantee what is garbage and what isn’t.

While I was cleaning the front desk came to tell me I had transport rooms that needed to be cleaned ASAP and thankfully saw the mess, which was good because the guy actually complained that I didn’t properly clean his room. When asked, he said it was still a mess and that I didn’t do his dishes.)