How Em-Bra-assing, Part 6

, , , , , | Right | September 29, 2017

(I am a teenager, working at a local full-service gas station. When someone gets fuel, we wash windows as well as check their oil if they want. One day, a woman in her early to mid-20s comes in. She is gorgeous and I have a serious crush on her. Important to note, her car has a car-bra on it.)

Me: “Hi there. How are you today?”

Customer: “Good, thank you. Fill it up and check the oil, please.”

Me: “Sure thing, but I’ll need you to remove your bra, please.”

(Immediately after I say this, I realize what it sounded like. My face goes red and hot.)

Customer: *laughing* “I don’t think I need my oil checked that bad.”

Me: *flustered* “Oh, no, I am so sorry. I mean your car-bra! Oh, my, I am so sorry!”

Customer: *laughing* “Oh, I know what you meant;  I just wanted to have some fun with you.”

(And that is how I completely embarrassed myself in front of a hot older woman.)

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His Innuendo Sucks

, , , , | Right | September 21, 2017

(I am working self-checkout at the time of this order. An older gentleman, probably around his early 80s, is having difficulty putting the cash into the bill slot, so I walk over to help him.)

Me: “Hello, sir, did you need any help with that?”

Customer: “Yes, I just can’t figure out where to put my money.”

(I hold my hand out for the money and put it in for him. The machines take the money very quickly, so I make a seemingly innocent comment as joke.)

Me: “Well, that certainly sucked it back very quickly, didn’t it?”

Customer: “Yeah, just like my wife!”

(I didn’t know what to say, so I just told him to have a good day and walked back to my till.)

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Worth Checking What Was Just Said

, , , , | Right | September 16, 2017

(I am a cashier at a store that sells cigarettes, lottery, and fireworks, all of which you must be over 18 to buy. Our store follows the 30-law [if you appear under 30, we must check your ID] for all of these items. One day had a guy walks in and looks at the fireworks.)

Guy: “I’ll take these ones, please.”

Me: “Sure. I just need to see your ID.”

Guy: “No problem. Can I also get a pack of smokes?”

(He hands me his ID. The first thing I do is check the picture to be sure it’s him. The card has all the security features. I then check his birth year.)

Me: “According to this, you are not 18 yet.”

Guy: “Wow, you actually checked! I have never had anyone call me on it before!”

Me: “You never get ID’d?”

Guy: “All the time. But normally I give it to them and that’s good enough!”

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Hammering Home The Dad Jokes

, , , , | Related | September 8, 2017

(My dad is the mechanics teacher at the high school in our city. I am in his grade-10 class. He always says that his main role as a father is to embarrass his two daughters. My dad is helping another student with their small engine, while I am standing by, waiting for my dad to come and help me.)

Dad: “Here’s your hammer. Why did you need it?”

(The student starts to explain their reasons for needing the hammer but…)

Dad: *cuts them off by yelling* “BECAUSE IT’S HAMMER TIME!” *promptly starts singing and humming an MC Hammer song while dancing along*

(Keep in mind that I am standing right there, although now I am blushing, rolling my eyes, and doing my best to not look embarrassed.)

Dad: *looks over at me while talking to the student* “I feel my role as a father is to embarrass my children.”

Student: “Well, it’s definitely working.”

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The Commonwealth Is Making You Poor

, , , | Right | June 29, 2017

(The store I work at sells a particular European brand that is sold in several countries. The brand prints their own price tag with the prices for each country, in that country’s currency, listed beside a small picture of the country’s flag. I regularly have to show customers which price is accurate to Canada, but this one was my favourite.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I can’t find a price on here.”

Me: “Oh, yes, I know it’s confusing. It’s the price beside the Canadian flag, here at the bottom.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t think that’s right. See, this price here is cheaper. I think it should be this one.” *points to the British price, which is the lowest number on the tag*

Me: “I’m afraid that isn’t how it works, ma’am. This brand sells internationally, so they print the prices in different currencies. That price is in British pounds, so the cost is actually roughly the same.”

Customer: *stares blankly* “But this price is lower.”

Me: “Well, the British Pound is actually worth almost twice what the Canadian Dollar is, so while it looks like it costs less, the rate of exchange would put the prices almost equal. Regardless, the Canadian price is the one listed beside the Canadian flag, and we can’t sell it for anything else.”

Customer: “But this price is cheaper. I want this price.”

Me: *internal sigh*

(Eventually I just directed her to a similar shirt from a different brand that only had one price on it, which she bought. That shirt happened to cost $10 more than the Canadian price on the other shirt.)

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