Zoo Visitor: “Aren’t lions vegetarians?”

Me: “No, lions are carnivores.”

Zoo Visitor: “I’m sure I read somewhere that they are vegetarians. How are they carnivores?”

Me: “Sir, lions are well-known carnivores. They hunt for their food. Their diet consists of mostly meat. They would not survive on fruits and vegetables alone.”

Zoo Visitor: “Are you sure about that?”

Me: *sarcastically* “Well, if you really want to you, can jump into the lion exhibit to see if they’ll eat you.”

Zoo Visitor: “Vegetarians wouldn’t eat a human, would they?”

Me: “My point exactly.”

This story is part of our Vegetarian roundup!

Read the next Vegetarian roundup themed story.

Read the Vegetarian roundup!

(I’m waiting in line and overhear a conversation between the customer in front of me and the postman at the front counter.)

Customer: “I need to ship this package out.”

Postman: “Okay. Would you like to upgrade this to priority shipping?”

Customer: “No, I just want to send this by regular mail. I don’t need anything else or any other services.”

Postman: “Okay, that’ll be $10.00 for the shipping. Do you need any stamps today?”

Customer: “No! No stamps, no certified mail, no post office box, no passport. I just need to ship this package out–that’s it. Did I miss anything?!”

Postman: *without skipping a beat* “Do you need any money orders today, ma’am?”

(Our store is located in a one-level strip mall.)

Customer: “Do you carry lawnmowers?”

Customer Service Rep: “Just one second and let me find out for you…” *parks call* “Hey guys, do we carry lawnmowers?”

Salesman #1: “Yeah, they’re down in the basement.”

Salesman #2: “No, I saw them back by the overstock shelves.”

Salesman #3: “No, I moved them into the attic for storage last week.”

Salesman #4: “OOH! I know! They’re four walls down, under a big orange sign that says ‘Home Depot!'”

Customer Service Rep: *picks call back up* “No, sir, I’m sorry, but we’re an electronics store.”

(I am a cashier and father and young son are in line.)

Son: “Wow, that’s a lot of stuff!”

Dad: “Yeah, I might have to sell your bike to pay for it all.”

Son: “Noooo, not my bike!”

Dad: *laughs* “No, I wouldn’t sell your bike for food. Although, I might sell it for beer…”

(I live in a town where 65% of the people are 65 years old and older. When we were redoing the design of the store, they placed a large white walkway from the front door to the pharmacy.)

Customer: “Hi, I would like to pick up my prescription.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is the front of the store. Your prescription is in the back of the store, in the pharmacy.”

Customer: “How do I get there?”

Me: “Follow the white brick road.”