It’s been raining heavily all day.

Customer: “There’s water by the front door!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, come and sweep it up!”

Me: “It’s raining, ma’am. Customers are going to trail in water when they walk in.”

Customer: “You still need to sweep it up.”

Me: “I have to stay at the register, ma’am.”

Customer: “You don’t have any customers!”

As if on cue, another customer walks up to me, and I start scanning their items.

Customer: “Ugh!”

She storms off, and I think that’s all of it. She comes back a few minutes later with the manager of the store and points at the floor.

Customer: “This floor is wet!”

Manager: *Deadpanned sarcasm.* “That’s probably why there is a wet floor sign there.”

I’m a nurse, working in the hospital on Thanksgiving. I overhear the following at the nurses’ station:

Nurse #1: “Bed twelve wants to know if we are taking the day off for the holiday.”

Nurse #2: “Sure. Just tell him we’ll leave the morphine on self-serve and to lock up on the way out.”

Between that and the home-made cookies shaped like turkeys (the icing was meant to make them look happy, but they came out looking… concerned?), it was an interesting shift!

Customer: “You got a winning lottery ticket for me?”

Me: “No, we keep the winning ones for ourselves.”

Customer: *Disappointed.* “Oh. No wonder I never win!” *Walks out with a sad gait.*

Manager: *Sighs.* “[My Name], what did I tell you about joking with the customers?”

Related:
Never Joke With The Customers… Ever!, Part 16
Never Joke With The Customers… Ever!, Part 15
Never Joke With The Customers… Ever!, Part 14
Never Joke With The Customers… Ever!, Part 13
Never Joke With The Customers… Ever!, Part 12

I used to fix EPOS (electronic point of sale) systems, so sometimes I would fix the tills in stores. I would be there with a big sign that said: “Till closed” and people would still move the sign and start to unload their items. I would just look at them, surrounded by the till and its components.

Me: “This till is closed.”

Customer: “I’m in a hurry.”

Me: “Oh, sorry, I didn’t realise you were in a hurry. Here, let me take these seventy-three separate components that I have removed from the checkout machinery and shove them back in. It’s not like they were important or anything.”

Customer: “I feel like you’re being rude.”

Me: “I feel like you’re being stupid.”

Customer: “I am going to complain about you! What’s your name?”

Me: “My name doesn’t matter because I don’t work for the store, I work for the company that fixes the tills, and I can say whatever I want to you. Now go away.”

Customer: “Hmph!” *Goes away.*

I’m clothes shopping, pushing my stroller with my daughter in it with one hand, and pulling the little basket on wheels with the other. Some dude comes up to me.

Customer: “Do you work here?”

I exaggeratedly look down at my very casual clothes, and then at my stroller with a very awake and babbling baby in it. He continues to look at me expectantly, so I just say:

Me: “Yes, but I’m restocking the baby section at the moment.”

Customer: *Tuts loudly.* “Ugh, fine. I’ll find someone who isn’t too lazy to do their job!”

He then storms off to find a retail worker victim. Even my baby looked up at me with a ‘WTF’ face.

CORRECTION: A POV error has been fixed.