Me: “It’s a great day at [Furniture Store]! How can I direct your call?”

Caller: “I want to talk to someone about my furniture.”

Me: “Okay. Is it just damaged, or did you want to set up a delivery?”

Caller: “No. I just want to talk to someone about it.”

Me: “Um… did you want to talk to your salesperson?”

Caller: “No. Just someone in the dining department.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but our floor isn’t separated into departments.”

Caller: “I bought it about two years ago. I just want to talk about it.”

Me: “Did you want to talk about it with a manager?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: *stops caring* “Well, I would LOVE to talk about it with you! Is it pretty?!”

Caller: “What?”

Me: “Furniture is good! It’s where people sit!”

Caller: *click*

(Sometimes I get very bored at work and decide to have fun with customers.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “My computer isn’t working at all. It seems that something is wrong with it.”

Me: “Okay, let me see what I can do…”

(I place my hands on the computer and in my best imitation of a televangelist.)

Me: “IT IS HEALED! PRAISE THE LORD!”

Customer: “Oh my God, really? Are you serious?! Thank you!”

Me: “No, no I’m not.”

Customer: *completely baffled*

Me: “I hate my life.”

Customer: “What time do you guys close?”

Me: “Nine.”

Customer: “… o’clock?”

Me: “No… feet. Nine feet.”

Related:
Ask A Stupid Question…, Part 3
Ask A Stupid Question…, Part 2
Ask A Stupid Question…

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Customer: “Excuse me, where is the exit to the street?”

Me: “Take the escalator down to the first floor and go out any of the doors.”

Customer: “Down? I have to go down? But I came in on this floor.”

Me: “Ma’am, this is the 3rd floor.”

Customer: “But I came in on this floor.”

Me: “That’s impossible; this is the 3rd floor.”

Customer: “Are you sure? I swear I came in on this floor. And you know, the customer is always right. ”

Me: “Unless you scaled the building to get in, I am right on this one.”

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Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. May I take your order?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like one of those large Philly cheesesteak pizzas you’re advertising on TV.”

Me: “Sir, that’s not us. That’s [Competitor].”

Customer: “What do you mean that’s not you? I just saw the commercial.”

Me: “I don’t know what commercial you saw, but we don’t have that pizza. Only [Competitor] does.”

Customer: “Let me talk to your manager because you obviously don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Me: “Sir, I am the manager.”

Customer: “Well, obviously you don’t know what you’re talking about. I want your boss’s number. I’m gonna tell him about this and then we’ll see.”

Me: “You’re welcome to call him, but he’ll tell you the same thing I did: that’s not our pizza.”

Customer: “Then I’ll call his boss and their boss and keep going till I finally get someone who agrees with me!”

Me: *sarcastically* “Must be nice to have that much time on your hands!”