It’s Called Sarcasm

, , | Right | July 30, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name]. How may I assist you today?”

Customer: “What time do you stop room service?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t offer room service.”

Customer: “What’s up with that?”

Me: “We don’t have a kitchen in the hotel.”

Customer: “Well, y’all need to get one!”

Me: “You’re right. I will start filing for permits and hiring subcontractors and have the kitchen built before you arrive.”

Customer: “That’s great! You truly offer excellent customer service!”

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We All Snap At Some Point

, , , | Right | July 29, 2008

(I work at a store that is open 24/7, and only closed for 36 hours out of the entire year. Around EVERY holiday, there is someone who calls the store wondering if the store is open. This past 4th of July, I decided to have a little fun with it.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if you guys were open today?”

Me: “No, I’m the only one here to answer the phone.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I’m out in the parking lot and there are a lot of cars parked out here.”

Me: “Yeah, I like to drive a lot.”

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The Infomercials Must Love You

, , , , | Right | July 22, 2008

(A customer comes up to the register with her sandwich purchase, which had sun-dried tomatoes on it.)

Customer: “Do you make the sun-dried tomatoes here?”

Me: *jokingly* “Yes, we have several lawn chairs in back. We cut the tomatoes into little strips and leave them out there for a week or two. ”

Customer: “Really?!”

Me: “No, I was just kidding. We get them from a distributor. ”

Customer: “Well, that’s not nice of you at all! When I was growing up I was always taught to believe things I was told by salespeople!”

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Playing Along

, , , | Right | December 26, 2007

Me: “Welcome to [Pizza], how can I help you?”

Customer: *sincerely* “Do you have any Chinese food?”

Me: “Errr… no.”

Customer: *still earnest* “Ohhh… really? What about Thai food?”

Me: “Oh! Yes.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “No. Not really. Just pizza.”

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Workin’ That Tech Support Magic

, , | Right | December 3, 2007

(A customer calls in to a call center and states that he can’t connect to his internet. After about 20 minutes of trying to get the customer to troubleshoot, none of which he can manage to do, the rep figures the cable is simply disconnected. However, since the customer can’t troubleshoot they come up with a clever way to fix the problem.)

Rep: “Sir, can you unplug that big phone cord looking cable from the box with blinking lights and your main computer box and hold both ends in your hands for me?”

Customer: “Yeah, hold on.” *shuffles around* “Well that was easy. Got it.”

Rep: “Okay, what I need you to do is swing one end of that around above your head as hard as you can. Sometimes bad packets get stuck in the end, making it impossible to connect to the internet.”

Customer: “Alright! One second.” *whooshing in the background* “… Okay, done, Now what?”

Rep: “Okay, now plug it back in to the back of the blinking lights box and the main computer box and let me know when you have done that.”

Customer: “Wow! That really worked! Thanks!” *click*

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