It’s Four Sure Still Reserved

, , , , , | Right | January 19, 2018

(My grandma, mum, and I are having tea at a small cafe. Next to us there is this decorated table, which is reserved, and every waitress warns people about this when they try sitting down. One guy is about to sit there when a waitress approaches him.)

Waitress: “I’m sorry, sir. This table is reserved.”

Guy: “Oh. We’re four people.” *tries to sit down*

Waitress: “Okay, but this table is still reserved”

Guy: “We’re only four people!”

Waitress: “Sir, you can not sit here. We’ll find you another table.”

Guy: *as he leaves* “But we’re four people!”

Don’t Take That Ace-Tone With Me!

, , , , | Working | September 25, 2017

(I’m purchasing an “old pawn” ring, meaning that it’s pre-owned and is usually older, from the 50s through the 70s. This particular ring isn’t that old, probably from the mid to late 70s, and is sterling silver. It has some tarnishing, which I am fine with. The sales person, probably no more than 21 years old, rings me up.)

Salesperson: “Okay, your total is [amount]. Are you going to be wearing the ring out the store?”

Me: “Yes, I am planning on it.”

Salesperson: “That’s fine. Just let me clean it for you.”

(The salesperson then proceeds to get a bottle of fingernail polish remover and a cloth, and starts to wipe down the ring. If I’d known what he was going to use, I would have declined, as acetone is TERRIBLE for most porous stones and, since this ring has mother of pearl and coral, most of it is porous. But that’s not the kicker. As he’s wiping down the ring, he starts with this:)

Salesperson: “Just for future reference, use fingernail polish remover to remove any tarnish from your ring. It’s the best thing, as it has no harsh chemicals in it.”

Me: *stunned silence for a minute* “Uh, acetone is one of the harshest chemicals you can buy without a license. Look at the label! It says do not use near flames or while smoking. You think that’s safe? EVERYTHING has chemicals in it!”

(He just had a “deer in headlights” look on his face. I truly wanted to face-palm, but felt that would have been TOO rude.)

The First And True Language Of America

, , , , , , | | Right | September 23, 2013

(I’m waiting in line behind a woman who is speaking on her cellphone in another language. Ahead of her is a white man. After the woman hangs up, he speaks up.)

Man: “I didn’t want to say anything while you were on the phone, but you’re in America now. You need to speak English.”

Woman: “Excuse me?”

Man: *very slow* “If you want to speak Mexican, go back to Mexico. In America, we speak English.”

Woman: “Sir, I was speaking Navajo. If you want to speak English, go back to England.”

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