The Fruit Salad Doesn’t Fall Very Far From The Tree

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Right | October 29, 2015

(I’m serving a mother and her young son.)

Me: *to son* “What salads would you like on your sub?”

Mother: “Oh, he won’t eat salads. I don’t know why!”

Me: “That’s okay. Would you like any salads on your sub?”

Mother: “Oh, no, I don’t eat salad.”

Me: “…”

He’s Never Going To Ketchup

| CO, USA | Right | October 9, 2015

(We have ketchup packets upon request.)

Customer: “I will also like some ketchup.”

Me: “We don’t have any, but we do have packets.”

Customer: “That’s all right.”

(We hand him the packets to put on his sandwich. Five minutes later he walks up.)

Customer: “These don’t work.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Your ketchup packets.”

(He had literally put the ketchup packets INSIDE his sandwich.)

Life Just Handed You Lemons

| Allentown, PA, USA | Working | September 30, 2015

(I arrive at a sandwich shop for breakfast on my way to work and walk in to find an employee complaining to someone about a coworker.)

Employee: “…and she never cleans right! Now we’ve got wilted lettuce and slimy chicken!”

(They both suddenly stop and realize that I’ve been standing there for a large portion of the conversation.)

Employee: “Oh. Hi. What can I get you?”

Me: “Well, I was going to have food, but I think I’ll just get lemonade.”

A Sandwich Infraction

| Chicago, IL, USA | Working | September 17, 2015

Me: “Oh, instead of halves, could you cut that sandwich into quarters, please?”

Cashier: “Sure. Did you want three quarters, or four quarters?”

Me: “…”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 41

| USA | Right | September 14, 2015

(I take a catering order over the phone.)

Me: “Would you like to pay tomorrow when you pick it up or would you like to give me a credit card number now?”

Customer: “I’ll give you my credit card number.”

(She gives me her number.)

Customer: “And could I have the total?”

Me: “Well, I actually have only written the order down. If you really need the total now I can ring in your order but it will take a moment. You’d have to hold or I’d have to call you back.”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to have the total, obviously, if I’m going to be charged for it today. You know, I can’t just have charges to my card without knowing how much it will be.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, the charge won’t go through until the day of. Your number will just be attached to your order in our system and the charge will be applied after we ensure that you get your order.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I don’t want it to be stored in the system. That’s not safe! Never mind, I’ll just pay for it tomorrow!”

Me: “…Well, that’s fine, too! It may just take a minute or so for you to be rung out tomorrow if it’s busy when you arrive to pick up your order, just so you know.”

(I decided not to bother clarifying that she had just given me her number which I wrote down, or that our systems were obviously designed to encrypt credit card numbers so that they could not be stolen, considering we were a business that dealt with thousands of credit cards daily, OR that every single credit card, including the one she would use the next day, was stored in our system anyway in order for us to receive customers’ payments because that’s how credit cards work.)

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 40
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 39
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 38

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