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Just… Wow

, , , , | Right | June 12, 2008

Customer: “I want the cheesecake sandwich with provolone, double meat, and extra veggies.”

Me: “The cheesesteak already comes with double meat. It will be a few extra dollars if I add more. We don’t have provolone; what cheese would you like instead?”

Customer: “You’re kidding, right? I’m not paying $10 for a sandwich! And without provolone! Just give me the extra meat. You don’t have to weigh it exactly. No one will know!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

(I weigh the meat to the correct portion and put it on the sandwich.)

Customer: “That’s too much meat! What are you doing?”

Me: “Actually, this is the correct portion. Would you like me to take some off?

Customer: “Only if you lower the price. I said add more meat, so ADD it! And why don’t you have provolone? [Competitor] has it… and where are the veggies?”

Me: “It typically doesn’t come with them, but I can add tomato, onions, lettuce, olives, or mushrooms.”

Customer: “I can only pick ONE?”

Me: “No… any or all of them.”

Customer: “All of those are gross! God, who would eat that?”

Me: “…so no veggies?”

Customer: “Are they free?”

Me: “Yes…”

Customer: “Put them all on, and I’ll just pick off whatever I don’t like.”

Me: “Okay, thank you…” *smiling, thinking it’s over*

(After I finish the sub, the customer argues with the cashier over the price of the sub, demanding a discount.)

Customer: “This place is so expensive and I can’t even get provolone! The veggies are all mixed together! This isn’t like [Competitor] at all! I didn’t even want half of them! Where is your manager?”

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “You again!”

(The customer makes a pissed-off face, and then opens the sub. They start picking it apart on the counter.)

Customer: “Your cashier is trying to ring me up, but that’s not the price! Refund me or I’m never coming here again!”

Me: “Actually, I just made that for you. You didn’t want the meat removed, so it is that price. I can remake it if you’d like, with less meat. Or would you still like a refund?”

Customer: “Never mind!” *throws sub in trash and leaves without paying*

(Just… wow.)

Introducing The Sandwich Air

, , , | Right | June 11, 2008

(There is an incredibly long line in the store. A man who had recently gotten his order filled cuts to the front of the line and slams his sandwich on the counter.)

Customer: “I don’t know what’s wrong with you people… you don’t know how to make a sandwich! The people who worked here before knew how to make sandwiches!”

Me: “Um… excuse me?”

Customer: “The OTHER people always SQUISHED the sandwiches.”

(He holds up his sandwich.)

Customer: “LOOK AT THIS! How am I supposed to fit this in my mouth?”

Me: “Umm… wouldn’t it be just as easy if you–”

Customer: “NO! FIX IT!”

Me: “Okay…”

(I flatten the sandwich slightly.)

Me: “How’s that?”

Customer: “SQUISH IT!”

(I manage to smash the sandwich down to about a half an inch thick.)

Me: “Better?”

Customer: *takes the sandwich* “Well, I guess you CAN learn.”

Cool Bosses Make All The Difference

, , , | Right | June 2, 2008

Deli Customer: “I’d like the Italian, please.”

Me: “Would you like any condiments on that? Spicy relish, oil?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like both, please.”

(I finish making the hoagie and ring up the price which is now $3.20 with the extra condiments.)

Customer: “Last time I was here, my hoagie was $2.75.”

Me: “Actually, that’s the price of the regular Italian hoagie. Is that what you wanted instead of the Super Italian?”

Customer: “No, I wanted the Super.”

Me: “Well, the Super is $3.00, and with the spicy relish and oil your total comes to $3.20.”

Customer: *angrily* “Last time it was $2.75!”

(She walks off to the counter to pay, and complains to the assistant manager.)

Assistant Manager: “She says she’s coming in tomorrow to complain about you to [Owner].”

Me: “Oh, great…”

(The next day…)

Owner: “You made sure she wanted the Super Italian?”

Me: “Yes.”

Owner: “And you made sure you checked that you added up the price right?”

Me: “Yes… so what do you think?”

Owner: “Psht, f*** her!”


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My Husband, The Mind Reader

, , , | Right | May 31, 2008

(I am almost done making a customer’s sandwich and I ask if she would like anything else on it…)

Lady: “Yeah, just put whatever else you normally put on it.”

Me: “Well, I can put on whatever you want me to put on. We don’t have anything that we put on every sandwich. In fact, most are rarely ever the same.”

Lady: “Look, you don’t have to get smart! Just put whatever else you put on it.”

Me: “Well, what do you want on it?”

Lady: “That stuff that you always put on these!”

Me: “If you just say what it is you want, I will put it on for you.”

Lady: “That stuff you always put on it!”

(The lady’s husband walks over.)

Lady’s Husband: “She wants pepper.”

T*ts Hard To Think When The Weather’s Nipply

, , , , | Right | May 9, 2008

Customer: “Can I get a chicken sandwich?”

Me: “Sure. Which bread would you like it on?”

Customer: “Chicken.”

Me: “…Uh, okay, but which bread?”

Customer: “Chicken.”

Me: “Sir, which bread would you like?”

Customer: “CHICKEN!”

Me: *pointing at the bread* “Bread!”

Customer: “Oh, bread! I thought you were saying breast.”

(I don’t know whether to hate my accent or the types of customers we get late at night.)


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