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One Scamwich, Coming Right Up, Part 2

, , , | Right | October 31, 2010

(I’m supervising on a Sunday afternoon, our slowest day of the week. We’ve only been open a couple of hours and have only made maybe four or five sandwiches. A customer calls in with a complaint.)

Caller: “Excuse me, I ordered a sandwich from you this morning and it is just terrible! You toasted it too much and it just fell apart when I bit into it!”

Me: “Well, that’s odd, sir. If a sandwich was toasted too long it would normally burn long before it would dry out like that. What did you order?”

Caller: “Chicken.”

Me: “I can’t find your order in the system. Could you tell me what time you were here?”

Caller: “This morning sometime.”

Me: “We weren’t open this morning, sir. We open at noon on Sundays.”

Caller: “Well, maybe it was afternoon, then.”

Me: “Okay, well, I’ve been here all day and I don’t recall serving a chicken sandwich to a gentleman today.”

Caller: “It was my wife who came in.”

Me: “I’m looking through today’s orders on the computer, and I haven’t served any chicken sandwiches today. Are you sure you came to this location?”

Caller: “Yes. And it was last night. I talked to the manager and he said you’d give me a free sandwich today.”

Me: “I was the manager last night, too, sir.”

Caller: “You’re not going to give me a free sandwich, are you?”

Me: “No, sir. I’m not.”

Caller: “Okay, then.” *hangs up*


This story is part of our Scammer roundup!

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Ordering Meatballs, Talking Baloney

, , , | Right | July 30, 2010

Customer: “Hi, I would like a sandwich.”

Me: “Sure, what sandwich would you like?”

Customer: “I want a hot sandwich.”

Me: “Okay, do you mean heated or spicy?”

Customer: “Oh, heated; I don’t like spicy. So, I will have meatball.”

Me: “Sure, would that be six-inch or foot-long?”

Customer: “Uhm… whole, please.”

Me: “Okay, foot-long? What type of bread?”

Customer: “White.”

Me: “We don’t have white, but we have Italian.”

Customer: “Fine, whatever. Oh, and I think my daughter wants a sandwich, too.”

Me: “What type of sandwich does she want?”

Customer: “How am I supposed to know? She’s not here!”


This story is part of the Customers Expecting Mind-Readers roundup!

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Read the Customers Expecting Mind-Readers roundup!

Ix Nay On The Eesh Squeesh

, , , , | Right | October 7, 2009

Me: “Do you want anything else with your sandwich?”

Customer: “Peppers, olives, and eesh squeesh.”

Me: “…Excuse me?”

Customer: “Peppers, olives, eesh squeesh.”

Me: “Eesh squeesh? ”

Customer: “Yeah, eesh squeesh. Right there.” *points at the onions*

Me: “You mean onions?”

Customer: “Yeah, eesh squeesh.”


This story is part of our Wrong Names roundup!

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Read the Wrong Names roundup!

Now Made With Real Vegetarians

, , | Right | August 21, 2009

Customer: “There is no pasta in my pastarami sandwich, just some meat.”

Me: “It’s pastrami: peppered beef, not pastarami.”

Customer: “Oh, can I change it, please? I’m vegetarian.”

Paging Dr. Cold Cut

, , , | Right | June 17, 2009

Me: “Would you like chips or a drink with your sandwich?”

Customer: *surprised* “What?!”

Me: “Would you like chips or a drink?”

Customer: *shocked* “What did you say?”

Me: *slowly* “I asked if you would like to have chips or a drink with your sandwich.”

Customer: “OOOOOOH! I thought you asked if I would like to have surgery with my sub!”