(I stop at a popular sandwich shop for lunch and order a 12-inch steak and cheese sandwich. All goes well and the young man does a great job, but at the final stage…)

Sandwich Artist: “Will that be all, sir?”

Me: “Looks good. Could you cut it in half before you wrap it up, please?”

(This is normally done without asking.)

Sandwich Artist: “Sure thing. How many pieces do you want?”

(I’m a little by surprise by the question, so I think I misheard him.)

Me: “In half, please.”

Sandwich Artist: “Yes, but how many pieces?”

Me: *with a touch of obviousness in my voice* “I don’t know. How about two?”

Sandwich Artist: *rolls eyes* “You could have said that in the first place!”

(The bagel and sandwich shop I work at switches from disposable paper plates to re-washable plastic trays for our ‘for here’ orders. We haven’t been supplied with an exceedingly large amount of the trays. Many of our customers end up dumping them in the trash when they’re finished.)

Boss: “[Me]! Grab some plastic bags and gloves, and follow me outside.”

Me: “Okay, what are we doing?”

Boss: “Trash diving.”

Me: “…”

(He’s not kidding. We triple bag our shoes and jump in the dumpster to cut through our trash and fish out as many trays as we can. We manage to find nearly three dozen in among eight trash bags.)

Me: “[Boss], I want a raise.”

Boss: “I’ll think about it.”

(Later, fed up with more trays disappearing, the Boss brings in a role of caution tape. He uses it to tape a tray onto the push-door of each of our trash cans. Then he secures another tray to the area where trays are supposed to be left. The end result is a VERY obvious visual giving the message of, “Don’t throw away these trays, place them HERE!”)

Boss: “OKAY! So, how long do you think it’s going to be before another customer throws a tray away?”

Me: “People are pretty stupid. I wouldn’t be surprised if the first one does.”

Boss: “Seriously, right?”

(Sure enough, a few minutes later a customer gets up to leave. She goes to toss her trash and gets caught up as she sees the taped tray to the door. We watch as she slowly looks at the trash can, then up to the tray-receptacle, then back down to the trash can. Then she dumps it all, tray included, into the trash can. My boss throws a silent fit until the customer leaves. We all crack up at him as he rushes out front to dig the tray out of the trash.)

Boss: “I GIVE UP ON PEOPLE!”

(I’m at a popular chain where your sandwich order is made in front of you on an assembly line.)

Me: “Hi, does the veggie $5 special come with a patty, or is it just—”

Employee #1: “What bread?”

Me: “Uh, whole meal, thanks. So that comes with a veggie pat—”

Employee #1: *to Employee #2* “Veggie special.”

Employee #2: “What salads?”

Me: “Lettuce and carrot, thanks. But just confirming, does that come with a patty or—”

Employee #2: *annoyed* “It’s coming. Toasted?”

Me: “Uh, yes.”

Employee #3: “Sauces?”

Me: “Um, barbecue please.”

(I see that my order still has no patty.)

Me: “Sorry, just want to know if that definitely comes with a patty?”

Employee #3: “Veggie patty?”

Me: “Yes.”

Employee #3: *impatiently* “Coming. $5, please pay at the counter.”

(I move along and try to pay Employee #4, while Employee #5 wraps up my order.)

Me: (to Employee #5) “Sorry, I know I’m being annoying but just checking that my order has a veggie patty?”

Employee #4: “It doesn’t come with a patty. It’s just salads.”

Me: “I asked every single person as they were making my order and they said it was coming.”

Employee #5: “You want a patty?”

Me: “Yes!”

Employee #4: “$6.50, please.”

Me: “What?”

Employee #4:“The special doesn’t include a patty.”

Me: “…”

(My friend and I are at a popular sandwich shop. My friend is at the final part of her order.)

Friend: “May I have pepper and salt?”

(The worker looks at my friend with a confused look on his face. He doesn’t move.)

Friend: “Sir? Pepper and salt?”

(The worker slowly reaches his hand towards the green bell peppers, with the same confused look on his face.)

Friend: “No! Not that pepper. The pepper and salt, like—I can’t even…”

(The worker reaches his hand once more towards the green peppers. My friend at this point just starts whimpering. I try to chime in.)

Me: “No, not peppers, like you know, you shake it on?”

(A coworker looks over.)

Coworker: “Dude! She means the salt and pepper!”

Worker: “Oh! Why didn’t you just say that?”

(I’ve received a complaint from a very unhappy customer, which has put me in a terrible mood. Thirty minutes later, I’m still not feeling too great when four young teens, three girls and one boy, walk into the restaurant. The boy and one of the girls get ready to order while the two other girls sit down and watch.)

Me: “Hello! What can I get for you?”

Girl #1: “Uh… so many options.”

Boy: “Come on, what do you want?”

Girl #1: “I don’t know; I’m still deciding.”

(There is a pause as the girl continues to look at the menu.)

Boy: “Come on! Just decide already. Just get like a ham or turkey or something.”

Girl #1: “But I don’t want that.”

Boy: “God, I don’t know why this is so difficult for you! They’re just sandwiches! Just pick SOMETHING!”

(The boy’s mannerisms and speech seem very unnatural and rehearsed, and the girls are trying not to laugh, so I can tell by this point that they’re just playing a joke.)

Boy: “You do this EVERY TIME. You’ve done this every time we came in here for two years! TWO YEARS you’ve put me through this! I don’t know why I put up with it! You know what? I’m done! I’m sick of this!”

(He exits the store dramatically, and his girlfriend runs after him.)

Girl #1: “Babe, wait! Come back! I’m SORRY!”

(Once she leaves, the two other girls get up and slowly exit the store.)

Girl #2: “I’m so sorry. No sandwiches.”

Girl #3: “Sorry.”

(I call after them as they leave.)

Me: “Bravo! Brava! But work on your acting a bit!”

(I’m sure they were just trying to weird me out, but strangely enough, their little performance cheered me up and took my mind off of the unhappy customer!)